trapped

is an easy place to come to.

mundane-ish day. woke up late. did dutiful round of classes. amusing visiting studen in ICS class. came home to my horrifically-dirty-at-the-moment room. obsessed about how much speed cleaning could be done before guest arrived, when guest knocked. fed guest chai and couscous gone bad and over-large dose of coffee. guest got dsgusted and cycled away. participated in extended gossip session in garage with steve the night gaurd and friends from uni, about this and that and ho much work we had (which we werent doing, bcz of extended gossip session). came up and searched for papers trying vainly to look for 2 basic-ish papers related to neural basis of schizophrenia for lit review (IRR) paper. freaked out about lack of joy in finding anything remotely useful. freaked out somemore. went back to searching. obsessed somemore in background about the other (ICL) assignment that was still incomplete. decided to write post instead while listening to sound and fury of wind outside.

"
You thought you'd found a friend
To take you out of this place
Someone you could lend a hand
In return for grace
"

missing my little best friend. funny how noone else will do. and so much practise wont get me used to her ethereal ways. is this how the other end of the stick feels? damn. why does she have to be so like? blame it on the genes!

feels strange that I will be home at the end of the month. scary-strange. so out of mind has it been. but shworma and rex, i can get excited about. funny how i get so scared of meeting them again and so excited when it actually does happen. there's a reason why i talk so much about it not being possible for people to know themselves. maybe we are all brains in vats. or a vat. which would be yuckier.

what else? yes. still feel trapped. how do you do the desparado thing? there should ba a reform school for gypsy, wastrels, rebels, committment-phobes, claustrophobes, adulation-phobes, happiness&contentment-phobes and self-phobes. yes, i made that up.

i havent been running in months now. situational. my sneakers are calling me. i got itchy feet. i should have done the race for life again this year. lol. irony! race for life.