It's the mantra which is, at times, the only weapon against the darkness that wells up from inside me: the darkness that comes from sight, shame, sin, guilt and memory.
So I've ticked off genetic inheritance, and character flaws. Can I dismiss past actions and choices as easily? Do we know what we will never do again? How much penance, is enough to heal?
How much time, must wash over old sores of memories, wash awake ennui so innate, and feed awake seeds so dormant?
In time still rings a 12 year old's voice echoing on a deserted balmy december night, "give it to me, spare them, i can take it more easily, i'm stronger". do You allow second thoughts, if she had them? dont worry Your sadistic soul: she wont.
At times i feel silly, thinking of how much i loved You, personalised You, and made You my own. They are right, You're just a figment of someone's imagination. And still, for them and for myself, there's a residue of the old love left: its called fear. I dont fear You the way I fear them. Them, I just fear I will hurt, carelessly.
Originally Posted at Prerona.