I hold you in my arms
as the band plays
What are those words whispered baby
just as you turn away
I saw you last night
out on the edge of town
I wanna read your mind
To know just what I've got in this new thing I've found
So tell me what I see
when I look in your eyes
Is that you baby
or just a brilliant disguise

I heard somebody call your name
from underneath our willow
I saw something tucked in shame
underneath your pillow
Well I've tried so hard baby
but I just can't see
What a woman like you
is doing with me
So tell me who I see
when I look in your eyes
Is that you baby
or just a brilliant disguise

Now look at me baby
struggling to do everything right
And then it all falls apart
when out go the lights
I'm just a lonely pilgrim
I walk this world in wealth
I want to know if it's you I don't trust
'cause I damn sure don't trust myself

Now you play the loving woman
I'll play the faithful man
But just don't look too close
into the palm of my hand
We stood at the alter
the gypsy swore our future was right
But come the wee wee hours
Well maybe baby the gypsy lied
So when you look at me
you better look hard and look twice
Is that me baby
or just a brilliant disguise

Tonight our bed is cold
I'm lost in the darkness of our love
God have mercy on the man
Who doubts what he's sure of

"this thing, called love, I just cant handle it"

What is it with guys …
The ones you like will like someone else and the ones who like you, you cant like ...
The ones who are really nice and you like them and they like you and all … you somehow them "cant think of them in THAT way"
The ones you can get romantically inclined towards … are all younger than you, or married, or madly wildly in love with someone else
The ones who like you & you can make urself like them back a bit and u get into a thing with them … turn out to be supercreeps before you can turn around and say going-around ….
reading about bloggers meets everywhere. sounds neat! maybe we should try one for our blogging friensd here ... what say?
bunked office today - second half. it felt so gooooood!
snuggling up in bed on a working day afternoon with teddy and 100 yers of solitude :)
no pleasure like the forbidden ones, eh?
Nice day ... started off on a Very nice note ...
Wnt to Starbucks ... discovered Im back in BROKEDOM
Card wouldnt work
Turns out I have 3 free drinks cards stashed away for a rainy day!
The cute guy was on Duty ... and we stood there chatting and laughing about it :)

Then I walked, no I ran, back from work bcz Kams had a extra meeting
While I was supposed to meet a guy at 6 to see his car
Pathetic car, cute guy
Anyway ...

That done, I sat around and read till 9
By which time I was really bored of ... sitting and reading
So I decided to cook for myself for a change
I never cook unless there are people coming over
Something new!
Pasta ...
I did any crazy thing I could think of with it
But it came out AWESOME
Pasta and coke and THE SWEETEST THING on TV ... followed by the rest of the dark chocolate
It was fun ... smashing!

Any movie with 3 girlfriends gets me senti about Chatts and Sauce ... This was no exception
Sauce, Chatts, Ad, Juls, Jinx, Brat, Pills, Buro, Gerry ...
Nicest thing in the world is to have friends u can love & who love you
Doesnt matter if they are far away and u dont get to see them or even talk to them much
They're still there and that makes you happy ...
Even if you dont see them for years and years u know that when u meet it will be like yesterday when u last said goodbye :)
so many fears, so many demons
hidden in the dark recesses of our mind
so many skeletons in the barest of closets
with one fear held closest to our every shy hearts ...
why are we so scared of looking the fool?

sandwiched between the driving hunger for growing up, of our young days
and the haunting fear of ageing of our mature years
are few golden years when we forget ourselves and enjoy life, in all its startling beauty ...
how quickly they slip away.
the strangest day ...
i woke up at 6am
on my own
without any battles with my conscience
and without hitting snooze on any of the three alarms
i just woke up
and got up
and i did everything we are supposed to do in the morning ...
i even had orange juice and cereal and coffee ...
wowo ... im so impressed with me
i even slept well last night
i just went to bed and went to sleep
it must the awesome race i was reading about in seabiscuit ... it tired me out :)

rest of the day quiet paled in comparism
one of those days when nothing broke down in any of the systems I maintain
so i spent the 9 hrs thinking up 9 new ways to while away time
found some new and interesting sites on old german names

next to my brit fixation, I have this overwhelming german fixation
infact, Ive quite decided, I want to go to germany for my next project
and after that Im going to china
but thats a while yet.

i spoke to chatto, joy, sauce, pills, barbie & ma (my gran) after a long time this week
taht makes me miss the rest ... jinx, brat, adit, sauce, juls!
I dont wanna go home, per se, but I wish I could meet all of them and Tupi (mylove, myjaan, my doggie)

quote unquote

"I want to die. No, Im not sad. No logic. No explanation, No tears, No pity. Just a overwhelming ennui. A paralysing weariness. I cant go on. Not anymore. I have run so hard so long so alone. I am tired now. I want to rest. I cant wait for the show to end. I give up. Ill never catch up. Ill never make it, as big as I wanted to make it. And everything else seems to fade. Whats the use? Whats the point? Endlessly, Futilelt, struggling ... on & on forever after. Forever against the tide. And the tide is forever I."
- Ray W. Guelph, 1913
why is it that ur friends, the kinds u love very much, not the kinds u hang out with, seem like the nicest people in the world?

why why is it that when ur friends are sad, or u suspect they might be, tho they may go blue in the face denying it, u feel funny all day & it keeps nagging u in the background of ur mind and every now and then u get sad thinking about it all ...

why is it so sad when u feel like u were kind of going to make a new friend but somewhere something went wrong?

ever wondered how some people are so different in real life and over electronic media?
Like they are two different people.
U keep wondering which one is real and hoping that the one u like better is ...
How selfish we are with those we like :)

Have you ever felt with some people like u were walking on the beach and caught sight of a rare-ish diamond-ish glitter, but when u stop and squat and try to hunt it out u just get sand and sand. its hiding in the sand. maybe its for the better. is it? dunno.

"These are the things that bother me. Not a lot of things across some sea. I dont even have a master plan. I guess that I am just ... a simple man"
diya left a comment on my blog saying that my grandmom reminded her of the how 2 deal dida
and i promptly had a nightmare about ma having turned drug addict!
it was a very intricate plot
involving catching bees and processing honey to make afeen
anyway - it was very scary in the dream
still is a bit. till i manage to go back to sleep

felt like calling up someone and talking a bit
but everyones got work
so i decided i just couldnt
st. prero ;)

sms'd joy instead and made him call me
it was fun bcz something i said about a certain relatively new friend I had made
one of my old friends get a little needled for a sec and we had a ball laughing about it immediately afterwards

so Im half asleep. but cant go back to sleep. bit scared
hand burns (inspite of the colgate and all) and I have no one I can impose confidently enough to wake up at 5AM
But still, inspite of everything, its such a beautiful life :)

"have to say it now
its been a good life all in all
as all my friends and my family sit and pass the pipe around
talk of prayer and pomes and promises
things that we believe in
places I am going to
places I have been
how long its been since yesterday
what about tomorrow
what about our dreams and all the promises we made ..."

john denver

Theres an hour of enchantment
when all the world is lost in sleep
Tis the witching hour
When mysteries are deep

When the racing night falls tired
And lays it self to rest
And elves and fairies tucked up in bed
And all the world is at its best
I am awake, I am alone
I look back down the mad rush of years behind
I am tired, to the bone
Yet theres still somthing ahead I must find

I am awake, I am alone
I look back down the mad rush of years behind
Now that they are gone
Looking back it all seems so pretty, beautiful life all in all
she's a crazy mad little witch
but she knows what the world is all about
she'll make u laugh
she'll make u cry
shell show u what love is all about
if u only let her

so lay aside ur forts and put away ur weapons
theres a light in her eyes
that can drown out ther darkness
and honey, the lights lit up for you
sure the lighs all shine for you
all u got to do
is let go
unfamiliar, unhome like places
ever changing year by year
cant complain, chose this life
im too much the gypsy in my heart
sunsets, sunrises, new folks to figure
in skins to get teh other side of
forever new heads to undertstand
guess im too old to change my part
guess im just the runaway, forever living
straight from my gypsy heart


what is it about me and this place
ever since i got here, i just keep doing something to my right hand
first i broke it installing the bed
then i burnt it when i was burning the house
then last night i burnt it again
me and kams sat down with big pack of beer and decided to polish it all off
i was elated cz it was my turn to cook and this meant id be let off the hook
anyway, i became a bit magnamous all my happiness and
volunteered to fry some peanuts with kala namak and ajwn bihari ishtyle
i guess i must have been nuts
the peanuts came out pretty well but as i was getting them out of the kadai
the bloody thing tipped over and the oil all fell on my hand
its a ugly purple mess now
im dying of pain and misery
and it smarts like anything
im in agony
... okay, so im exaggerating a little bit ... scale it down by the PM factor ;)

my grand moms back
my ma is back in cal
poor babe ... she just cant come to terms with the fact that she's become a budiya
she's been to the usa & most of europe & far east & middle east
now she tells me she wants me to go to south america
and she is bitching about my mom and mashi bcz they refused to take her

i am on the phone with her right now
i can call her with one whole phone card and get away with
grunts when she pauses to take breath

we were talking about my bad leg
i said its ok now but a doc said it would bother me when i get old
guess what she says ...
u dont have to wait till ur old and all
it will start bothering u from when u get to my age
ofcourse she's not old yet, she's just 90 ish ;)
i dream of u and i sigh
a 100 dreams, a million wishes
launched into forever
with a little sigh
dream of tomorrow
dream of next years
dream of a lifetime
and the minutes fly
love sick giddy like a little girl
i guess it all u fault
hearts racing, ming dazed
this dreams a never end whirl


in deep old fashioned love with u
get mad each day when u leave me blue
and just one little thing can get me back in queue
and wallowing in my crush on you

all dressed up and no where to go

people are always telling me im too laid back
never take initiative
and just wait for things to happen to me

so I woke up from my afternoon nap at 7:30
and got all jazzed up in my cool my suede shirt and stuff
(didnt think of changing my lakemarkethawaichappal which ive been wearing all day everyday since i got here)
and went over to tell the boys we are going out
turns out his majesties did not want to rise and shine yet
so i had to coax them up with tea (adrak/mirchi walla)
and then shout and screem till everyone was up and changed

then kams gets the bright idea of setting up my cable connection
aaj hi abhi hi
another half hour gone

finally dada saunters out
and says we go for dinnher first
chinese buffet
ate my first oysters
while they watched andgrunted and made pukey sounds and comments
and went for endless helpings of ricesoupchowchow

By now its 10
Im going nuts
I wanna go get there

Ive just managed to get everyone up, when ...
'just then the phone rang'
shit ... i forgot i was on call this weekend
ims took a dip & 3 dumb jobs crashed
so I had to scrap everything and run to office

:*( woe is me :*(

under construction ... limmerickpick ... been yrs

drop drop slip drip
im on a tear a sec trip
i know its not awfully hip
But babes Im i n love with you

margarita sip sip
smudge of salt on ur hot lip
give me just one little sip
Crashing deeper in love with you

u cud beat me erd with a whip
but babes Id still be so in love with u

now winter makes the air nip
we shud go dancing hip 2 hip

.... I ran out ;)

party time

we had a party at work today
a co workers babies were doing badly but now they are better
and the mgr and the asst mgr were both away
so, we did a lot of work but also had a party
it was great fun
we chatted and joked and laughed all day

one great thing is that sharads coming back from cal to here
so i should get a lot of goodies from home
yipee :)
If I told u I was on the brink
If I said I mite just die tonite
Would you drop everything & be by my side, to save me
Guess we will never know
Cz Id never let the pain show
2 beers & a margarita followed by fajita sizzler ... wow ... whatever happened 2 my diet :)

new pome

you could make all my dreams come true
before i even saw you i knew
your voice
familiar from dreams lifetimes old
your words, your style, your thoughts
everything that i remembered
and when i first saw you i knew
are everything that i remembered
all these years I waited
all these years I searched
aimless, wandering, going crazy
knowing not who I searched for
it was you
every one I met
everything I learned
every place I went
Searched for you in everyone
are the reason why everyone was dwarfed
because I remembered
the sound of ur sigh
on a long lonely night
on a deserted island with just you, and I
with moonlight and roses and violins scenting the air
all round
barely a sound
and you
and I
one look at you and i knew

And I now I know
And now I found yuou
I guess that should be enough
So what if it can never be
So what if you will never know
I knew, I saw, I found,
And thats enough for me
(i guess ;)

and now u are gone
i let u go
cz half measures
were never my style
i need to own ur soul
i want it all
i want everything
or nothing at all
how does it feel when ur heart breaks?
if i were to die today, or rather if i were to die tomorrow
and i knew it today
what would i feel bad about?

what would i miss having done?
what do i want to achieve
who do i want to be
and who ...

dont even know if ill ever know :)
Oh girl that feeling of safety you prize
Well it comes at a hard hard price
You can't shut off the risk and the pain
Without losin' the love that remains
We're all riders on this train

So you've been broken and you've been hurt
Show me somebody who ain't
Yeah, I know I ain't nobody's bargain
But, hell, a little touchup
and a little paint...

its a beautiful day out

its a beutiful day
kams is late
im still at home and its 7:56
and listening to wicked game and whats love gotto do with it
thats a luxury for someone who usually has to get ready in 17mins flat
i feel like
fighting and making upwith someone i know and love like my left hand :)
and then going for a long drive
with my feet up on the boards
with rain falling
and clouds racing us in the sky
and lots of old music
all the songs u can sing along with
come back go swimming
come back hog hog hog
and sleep sleep sleep
and finish breakfast at tiffanies
dieters hallucinations

rest of the canada / new york snaps


nice snaps


mega diet

i held to it for two days
well the first was accidental
but then splurged at ihop tonite
i guess we can blame it on the rain
its hurricane time here
i thot atlast, kuchh toh hoga
but it was a real let down
no dhamaka at all :(
im going mad
ive recompiled the dll till im blue in the face and ergistsered it nicely and everything
it works fine on my box but the min its shipped to the test lab it blows

and me poor mainframe person ... what do i know of dlls and stuff :(

babies and excorcist

janice and randy, two people in my unit, just had babies recently
they love to talk about them
and i spend a lot of time at their desk ... just push the button ... hows the baby ... and they will start off :)
its cute actually
and i have great fun hearing them
strangely though, it always makes me miss my mom so badly :(
i want my mommy .... :)(

anyway, janice's baby isnt well
she has a slight temperature and she is puking
i just got back from hearing a detailed description of the puke and the puking ... it was a bit pukey :)
she said it looks like the scene from excorcist.
straigh horizontal shoot of bvile smelling white

no reason why I must bear it alobne. so im making whoever reads my blog suffer too :)


got the weirdest of bugs
dont know
going mad i think
i got 3 bloody versions of the code all over my box
and i gotto keep switching in the registery between the different versions
and u cant do regedit here
so much security
gotto do an indiv uninstall and then ...

then ive got three other discrepency / enhancements waiting

ill go mad

days like this i think i shouldve gotten married and had babies instead of being here doing this
Ouch! Just kidding
This is better any day
Gets over at 6 everyday :)

Spoke to barbie after years last night

mad rantings on a sleepless night

sleep elusive, like a teasing siren.
I ran,
pounding the path along the way.
I ran,
to the shores of the sea.
silver laced ink,
lullaby soft waves sounds,
sprinkles of glimmer,
and muffled screeches of the night,
sang sweetly to me.
waded in knee deep
sat on a jutting rock
born of the water, at home in the waters
but dry land yet, on the top
slowly the red devils ran away
slowly the blue quiet diffused into
the slowly unwinding madness in the heart
muscles relaxed
the tension faded
and i was at peace again,
cheating peace
so hard won
and bit by bit the sky turned blue
and little by little light aglow
and the gulls awoke, reminding me
of the every day world
sans magic and faery dance
of life awaiting
to be returned to
day begins with early dawn

why i love byron ...


"Yet am I changed, though still enough the same
In strength to bear what time cannot abate,
And feed on bitter fruits without accusing fate."

"Could I embody and unbosom now
That which is most within me! Could I wreak
My thoughts upon expression, and thus throw
Soul, heart, mind, passions, feelings (strong and weak),
All that I would have sought and all I seek,
Bear, know, feel, and yet breathe—into one word,
And that one word were lightning, I would speak!
But as it is, I live and die unheard
With a most voiceless thought, sheathing it as a sword."

"I have not loved the world, nor the world me;
I have not flattered its rank breath, nor bowed
To its idolatries a patient knee,
Nor coined my cheek to smiles, nor cried aloud
In worship of an echo; in the crowd
They could not deem me one of such; I stood
Amongst them, but not of them; in a shroud
Of thoughts which were not their thoughts, and still could,
Had I not filed my mind, which thus itself subdued.

I have not loved the world, nor the world me, --
But let us part fair foes; I do believe,
Though I have found them not, that there may be
Words which are things, hopes which will not deceive,
And virtues which are merciful, nor weave
Snares for the failing; I would also deem
O'er others' griefs that some sincerely grieve;
That two, or one, are almost what they seem,
That goodness is no name, and happiness no dream."

"Yet must I think less wildly. I have thought
Too long and darkly till my brain became,
In its own eddy, boiling and o'erwrought,
A whirling gulf of fantasy and flame;
And thus, untaught in youth my heart to tame,
My springs of life were poisoned. 'Tis too late!"

George Gordon, Lord Byron -- 1817

where angels sing ...

saw charlies angel atlast
ive never seen one before
was tempted by 3 heroines i like very much
but it sucked
parts of it were great fun
but one the whole it really sucked

feel a bit guilty tho, ive been such a bad girl today
shouldve gone swimming and slept early

got so much work 2mrw!


another day
rolls in, rolls out
i barely noticed
thoughts of you
rise with the sun and set with the moon
ghost of my dreams
where are you
sometimes i miss u so much
u almost seem real for a moment or two
but u are not, are you?
and its dangerous to forget
like driving through the night, on a sharp hilly road
holding urself awake, by strentgth of ur will
only just, holding on
ur not real
ur just a ghost
alive only
in my mind or in some long lost other world, otehr life
another place, another time
maybe ill never find u this time
maybe this is a sly suicide
but theres something familiar about ur smell, ur voice
remembered from ringing echos of
a faraway
maybe time wraps around
in the distance of years and lifetimes
some tomorrow again
we will rejoin with yeterday

song in my head

I've called you so many times today
And I guess it's all true what your girlfriends say
That you don't ever want to see me again
And your brother's gonna kill me and he's six feet ten
I guess you'd call it cowardice
But I'm not prepared to go on like this

I can't, I can't
I can't stand losing
I can't stand losing you

I see you've sent my letters back
And my LP records and they're all scratched
I can't see the point in another day
When nobody listens to a word I say
You can call it lack of confidence
But to carry on living doesn't make no sense

I can't, I can't
I can't stand losing

I guess this is our last goodbye
And you don't care so I won't cry
But you'll be sorry when I'm dead
And all this guilt will be on your head
I guess you'd call it suicide
But I'm too full to swallow my pride

I can't, I can't
I can't stand losing
I can't stand losing you

isnt it nice the way certain songs stick in ur mind with certain people and situations long past and somehow keep one isolated moment alive?
Specially when its a nice one. Ill never hear Sting without thinking of Brat. Where are u kiddo o mine :)

monday morning

just went down for a coffee and accompanied kams to the smoking area
its such a pretty morning
sky barely blue
trees swinging in rythm
brids, flowers, singing wind
unssen, unheard but still u can feel it, like a song only your heart can hear
they have a lot of deer in the parks around the bdg
im fascinated by them.
its still pretty much of a novelty for me
to know that these cute little starngers are there somewhere in tthese woods all around and may just pop out any time, as they do
for a few momenst its magic
then they are gone
and its everyday again
maybe its a silly thought, but friends are like that. Joys are like that, Gifts of life are like that. Scattered romaing playing all around us
we cant see them alweays but they are there
and they may just turn up anytime
and make magic

had yard long conversations with Jinx and Subir and Rajesh this weekend
Rajesh was blue devilled ... so I cheered him up a bit. Or I tried. A little bit of sugar, a little bit of gyaan
Subir was Subior. gerry , buro, obnoxious little boy always
I get so mad at him for the way he practically leaps on to the preachers stand before u even have a chance to finsh what you were saying ... gaanoda. if it was anyone but geri ....

But before that, I had a absolutely splendid weekend. Nicest, nicest time in ages. I had so much fun that I almost missed it when it was over and I was really deep in my sunday laziness in all its glory, so ...
Rahul came over from Houston. I made him chicken and raajma. I was petrified that the chicken would not turn out well but it was mind blowing (i think it was :). Then we went to Austin for lunch. We went to this swwet place with a nice balcony poking out into the air above the lake. The sky and the lake was the nicest bright neon blue. And there were so many people out on the water having fun. Food was brilliant. And everything was perfect. Then we went to the river walk and chkd out alamo (what little there is of it) ... nicest thing about the alamo was the nice bdgs around it. One interesting bdg was at a street corner ... ending with a 'nice' point. Took loads of photos. Didnt have ice cream. Got lost. Saw River walk. Didnt walk. Went for a noisy boat ride. Noisy but fun.

On the river walk, while waiting to get on the boat, I saw a dinner boat slipping along

queen of song

Its a beautiful day. AND the postmans missing

random findings

"Why is it when you love someone so much that you can never find the right words to tell them?" -alb to justin

"The sweetest joy, the wildest woe is love"

"A pleasure so exquisite as almost to amount to pain." Leigh Hunt

love is a little white bird
and the flight of it so fast
you can't see it
and you know it's there
only by the faint whirr of its wings
and the hush song coming so low to your ears
you fear it might be silence
and you listen keen and you listen long
and you know it's more than silence
for you get the hush song so lovely
it hurts and cuts into your heart
and what you want is to give more than you can get
and you'd like to write it but it can't be written
and you'd like to sing it but you don't dare try
because the little white bird sings it better than you can
Carl Sandburg (Little Word, Little White Bird)

"Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it inflames the great. ("Histoire amoureuse des Gaules")" Christopher Marlowe


some people are so nice they make you feel wistful just looking at them
some people are addicted to making others happy
its a dangerous addiction


All good things must end
But then
Bad things pass too
There was storm here this week
The 3 wind chimes went crazy
I felt it coming and then it was here
I broke on of my wind chimes
I dont miss it, but it feels strange to see it hanging there
Useless broken not dead but quite 'gone'
It just doesnt work anymore
But still, it was such a beautiful storm to watch
Beautiful, long and grand and glorious
I suppose if you hang out glass windchimes u must be ready to see them break sometimes
i wish i was a nicer person!


Im on a chandrabindu trip
Thats a bengali rock band and one of my favourites

The song in my head today is Neel Nirbashon ...
Its a bout one of those days when u feel strange and kind of lost in the mind mazes between happy and sad and angry and lost ... blue devilled ... thats what I am

Im not depressed or upset or anything ... just gort a queer empty feeling ... like somethings gonna happen, like the calm before the storm
A storm is brewing ...

Even now my 10 yr younger kid sis can spook my by sitting in a dark corner and rocking on her heels and chanting "doomsdayiscoming" ... I actually get spooked :)

I miss her. Havent spoken to her in days and days and days ... :(
Miss my nice room back home (which is entirely sapna's fault :)
and my dogs
and my friends

but its gonna pass in a couple of hours I know
So I just got to stay calm and think of all the upcoming excitements in store ...

meeting a friend this weekend
that should be fun
got a very interesting bug to be solved which shud also be xciting ... doing a mainframe job after ages


Im putting up the snaps. only done with half till now. rest should be up soon. some are crappy but I put them up anyway. will sort later :)


we wokeup crack at dawn and headed for the airport
flew into bufallo (after 8hrs) and straight into a screw up with the car bookings
i was in a corner lost to the world (possesed by love and other demons)
when i suddenly realised the boys seemed to be taking forever to 'sort out things'
getting up to investigate, i discovered the reason ... BOMB at the Desk!
anyway 'things having been sorted' we headed off to the fall, or the falls
by the time we found our way there, the predicted 1.5 hr journey had turned out to be 3 or 4 hours but we got there and met up with yet more boys, friends of the original boys
by then Im Dying to get there and quite beat with tiredness
landed up on the observatory ... it took my breath away
i knew the thing was huge but i never dreamt it could be of such giant proportions
stretched out in front was the niagra river, across which u could see the canada border and some brightly lit streets
and falling into the river those massive water falls ...
u could only see two from there ... the main falls and the maid of the mist
it was misty indeed
looked like a a fine white fog hung over the whole thing
and the water rushed down with mad force, hurtling into the river below
for some obscure reason, it reminded me of charlies chocolate factory

it was almost closing time that day, so we went of for a meal
and came back at 9 for a spectacular fire work and light show courtsey the 4th of July
they had lit of the falls in red and blue lights in different parts
and teh fireworks went off from both sides with great pomp
lasted quite a while
but by the end of it i was too exhausted to be enjoying much

we hadnt booked our hotel rooms in advance so it was a insanely expensive when we did find a place
the boys shared but I had to shell out 100 bucks (and then tax) for a lousy non ac room
but who cares, I just plonked dead on the sheets and was off to noddy land

next day we went back to the falls early in the morning
or as early as the boys could wake up after their midnight boose fiesta :)
fisrt thing we went for was the cruise ... a boat ride which takes you flying on the mist, along the main falls and what felt like straight into the guts of the second one, the maid of the mist.
they gave us huge BLUE plastic macs to keep us as dry as possible, given the circumstances
as we started of, we were standing at the helm of the boat, we went past the main falls pretty close by and we could see ant like figures which seemed to be climbing up the hills right next to the main falls in YELLOW macs. Soon the visibilty was almost down to zero and the sound o water roaring was like thunder in our ears. before we knew it we were almost in the middle of the horseshoe shaped giant. The spray of the falling water was so strong that it felt like standing in pouring rain (or a hi tech shower ;). after a while the boat turned and we came back to the shore, still a little dazed by the experience.

Or next event was the cave of the wind. After waiting in a endlessly weaving line (once more full of desis) we were taken up by a elevator and given the YELLOW macs and some rubber shoes. Thus kitted and set up ... we went into the cave of the winds. No cave this. But a string of steps along a ramp like structure built around the main water fall, another giant, ending in a ledge that jutted right into the water fall. felt like a raj kapoor movie, standing there soaking in the water spray and the atmosphere.

After this we were suppose to go for a ballon ride, but it was cancelled bcz of high winds so we got back to the car and headed to new jersey. Drove for 8 hrs and got there around 10. On the way, we passed thru Syracuse where my mom went to college. It was a Big moment for me. Id heard of this place like a legend all my life. "aamra jokhun Syracuse e chhilaam ..." began so many stories. Felt like a fairy tale actually being there.

In New Jersey we woke up a punju shop guy and ate some nice indian food. then we went to sujits place and bedded down for the night. Next day we headed off for New York. We drove to the station and took a train into the city. Once there, our first stop was the Empire State. It felt for the first time that I was actually here in 'AMERICA'. Feeling like a totally excited gaonwalla, I climbed to the roof top observatory and did the round with my audio guide. It was quite an experience. The audio guide spun off stories and history & geaography and pointed out famous bdgs and I gazed star struck making associations with the settings of all the books and movies I had ever seen.

After Empire State we went for a 3 hour cruise around manhatten. It also took us "face 2 face" with 'Lady Liberty' the tpur guides words, not mine. There was a tour guide there too, telling us about the buildings again some history and who lived where. I furiously took snaps of everything, but I must confess, now looking at the snaps I cant tell Katherine Hepburns house from Tom Smiths!

Next we went to the Central Park. Everyone was tired as hell and I had a tough time convincing them we had to see CP too. But I made it and we went & I saw 2 guys making out on a park bench and the fence from devils advocate. Looked much smaller tho :)

By the time they dragged me away from there we were dead tired and faced the 8 hrs drive back. We were all wishing we had had the fore thot to get our return tkts from ny and cud have stayed there the night thus chking out times sqr in all its glory ... but spilt milk and all that ...

Drove back. Almost got lost courtsey yahoo maps. But finally made it back and loaded our weary bodies into the plane back home. This was 1 of the hi lites of the trip. The plane was almost toy sized and u cudnt hv stud up strt in it. And it was a rather bumpy ride back home. Besides that un eventful ...

Got back. Went off to sleep. Bunked office and then back to routine again :(
Planning for Grand Canyon chaalu ho jaaye!


it was mind blowing!
i thought it will be a nice waterfall but it was so grand it felt like more
now i know why the niagara is one of the seven wonders and why its so talked about
its scale is terrific
and what i liked best was the way they have set up all the trips and avctivities so that ur thrown right into it so to speak and yet everything is very safe and controlled

i went with kamlesh and dada and i must say that kamlesh really impressed me. ALL that driving single handed ly - 8 hrs or so at a time! he's some dude. tho for me ... anything he does is usually super cool ... even then I was (re) impressed by the man ... he's something else alright!

after we got out from there, I was dying to share it with someone ... all that excitement was bubbling up like champagne and killing me. so i called up rahul. dont know anyone else in the us so i invariably plague him with my calls ... and told him all about it.

after that there was the new york trip
what can I say
for a 'gaowallah' like me it was really happening
everything I saw, everywhere I went ... i was i was like staring and walking around with a blisfully abest happy dazed expression and associating ... this is where barney lived, this is where richard went to work, this is where florentina's dog got run over ... all the books, all the stories i had ever read seemed to have come alive and it was really exciting. felt like a kid all over again.
i went to the empire state bdg. and bcz it was a clear day I could see till very far
then I went for a boat trip around the manhatten burrough and we passed by statue of liberty, ellis island and the old railway stn. after that we wenmt to central park and there we saw 2 guys making out on a park bench
missed buro/ jinx/ chatto/ ma ... bcz theyve been there probably ... dunno
reminded me a bit of uk.
i had a great weekend. it was truly exciting and "cool"
besides everything I saw - the niagara & new york city
i finished love and other demons which I blew my mind .... great stuff. im impressed
details and nsaps to follow ....

the 3 witches of eastwick

i came to La Martiniere, one of the highnosiest schools in Kolkata, at the tender age of 3.
i came from CIS - calcutta international school (no clue if the have renamed it kolkata international school)
which was basically an american school for kids of (internationally) itenerent parents
a bit like our cbse thrown global
my dad was then travelling all over the gulf and europe and fancied i could do a term here and a term there and thus stay with him
but that was not to be, I stayed in cal with my gran whom i still call ma (my biological mom is mom / mommy / budi / tutuma / mammam / etc)
anyway, since i did not take to travel, my parents soon figured out that such an expensive school was a useless drain on their then quite frugal resources
and put me in LMC and I entered the hallowed portals in all my glory
no grammer, think colour is spelled color, dont know what uniform or assembly or exam was
and a faint accent ... i felt a bit like a pigeon amongst the eagles
anyone who remembers will remember how cruel kids can be at that age to strange strangers that dont take
(i "took" well enough, eventually, but with me it always takes sometime before a new lot will "take" to me)

then on my first day, I met Runa Chatterjee & Susan George (mallu)
they were respected vetereans - in "School" from nursery (i might add that to a martinian "School" means La Martiniere! everywhere else is "a school")
they had there own best friends each - which then was "a bond more binding than marraige"
but we somehow became great mates anyway
(chatto coming up to me in bong class and said "u want to learn bad bad things" was the ice breaker)

whats so strange about the whole is that, we went through all the remaining years at 'School' and a thousand other friends,
we hardly hung out together in school except for in the very final years
but we had such a strange strong tie between us

my ma used to call us the witches of eastwik
maybe what bound us so strong was that we had very similiar family structures
one younger sis, 9,10,11 yrs after us
busy working moms who stayed alone in india for the most part
dads on travelling jobs who we seldom saw

we practically lived in each others houses
we did the maddest and craziest of pranks
like trying to sneak into the grand hotel to see patrick swaize (whom chatto was determined to wed, I might add) and getting thrown out unceremoniously by a gaurd
or like planning out with war campaign like seriousness our first booze bash, at the mature age of 16
(yams was there too - she got high and kept crying "i puked on my pajamas")
or like watching our first adult movie (which was my last - it was the grossest saddest thing I have ever seen
and me and chatto reading an archie through it
and sauce (susan george) punctuating the show with squeals of "how gross ya!"
it was crazy
it was magic it was golden
it was the wonder years
i never miss them, bcz they are a part of me
sauce is in new zealand, blissfully married (like the idiot she is - i knew she'd do that)
chatts is pune
and Im stuck here
through all those years, we never bothered to really keep in touch, or make pc (polite conversation)
and either of them reads this blog I will be never forgiven ... it will be "motts how corny can u get" & "fatts ur so sidey ya"
but their voices come to my mind unbidden now and then
and they r i guess the ones i would turn to in any emergency or heart break
and they wud ask whats wrong ... and I would say Im fine man get off my trip and we would grunt like old snarly hags and be comforted
but nevertheless I can go only so long without some contact
and its been so long now :)
(btw - how do u make a smiley look wistful ;)
its going to rain.
the second day in a row
its going to rain very hard
maybe the thunder god took offense at all my complaining?

from where I sit, the huge, plate glass framed slot of the sky looks grey blue, with silvery white patches
once in a while u can hear a low growl of thunder
bit like how my big dog sounds when he is pissed
kidding ...
i know if i stepped outside, it will be cooler than it usually is in this inferno
the wind will be blowing
if i sit in my balcony at home
i will hear the crazy sea like sounds the vast never ending ish fredricksburgh rd stirrs up in the rains
my wind chimes will all of them by dancing in the wind
deluding themselves that they make up an orhestra
and the thunder, wil raise a sleepy growl every once in a while to compete or silence impertinent competition
and i wud sit there, in my little house and thiink crazy thots

i remember a long ago poem i had written - that started "thoughts, how errant thoughts run in dissaray"
well, there would be some wild colourful dissaray :)

then the rain would start in earnest and add another dimension to the sound
small, sweet gentle
and the world go suddenly wet and soft and clean and gentle

and then the lightning ...
i just saw one awesome splendid stroke of luck kind of strike outside office
its so beautiful the way these buildings are made
was stoddard temple built like this?
is this how the children who came there later to study felt?
such a view, such a view ...
its so beautiful

i wonder why i feel like crying
i wonder, why i feel like howling ... bawling my lungs out

Have u ever felt that life is rolling past, wasting away and theres something so imp u have to do, so many things to be thought about, so much to read, so much to understand, so much to Do,
And im not doing nothing at all
i stand here, as if paralysed by fear of the beginning and life rolls on gently by ...

I remember sharad today, and recall something he said
deep words of wisdom, though unconsciously spoken ;)

we were playing cards. and I kept losing
he kept getting angry with me bcz I was losing
and I kept making dumb xcuses like y dont u 3 play
and Im no good - I told u i cant and stuff like that

and he kept shouting at me - prero if u dont challenge people u will never win
dont just sit there like a statue - do something

i feel sometimes me life has become like that
and long list of reactions and defenses ...
only voluntary action I indulge in now and then is to run away ... run, prero run!
its running time again
this time where to
and this time who from?
i have been meaning to write much today bcz much happened yesterday

well, small much's =- small pleasures

i work in a defense ish organisation

and yesterday after work we were all standing about discussing a knotty techy problem and cursing (& praising) the man who originated it all (seriously, I have never seen so many pointers in one application - its a wonder he knew where he was pointed by the end of it - pointy affair ;)

anyway, talk started running the way talk does and we started talking about this guys days in the air force and he started telling us his stories

and he would say something like thank god i didnt get picked for the marines

then someone from the next aisle would shout - may I hear that again - or some such comment

and before long it was something like one of our nice bangaali paraar rock-er adda's

and everyone was in it and we stayed an hour and had a ball

that was great!

came home and had a glorious walk - just after the rain had cleared

it was beautiful

somehow, the recent rain had made everything look silvery and romantic

and freshly washed

then I had to do my laundry so I went and soaked in the pool and did one of my float on my back and stare at the stars and think "lovely thots" routines

then I came back - had a glorious meal alone and read till 2am

the sweetest book.

sounds like nothing, but I was very happy by the end of it

and I talked to Jinx somewhere in between - that made my day

and today - just as I came in to work, I saw a mail from brat

we had a short email chat

during which I told him I will call him if I cud get out for lunch early enuff

but I didnt so i didnt :(

but it was nice making contact with my other best friend

and rajiv, the third one smsd me as well - so in the space of two days I made contact with all 3 ... this is great ... I wish all two days wud be like this :)

next time adit tells me "I better realise soon that life is not F.R.I.E.N.D.S"

Ill tell him sometimes it is and its so so nice when it is ... it can tide u over the times when its not :)

besides Im off to the niagra tomorrow ... y am I not xcited ???

Im happy today. Maybe its the wether or many small but happy things that have been happening since yesterday ... but I cant stop to post now. Gotto wait till post klunch. Imn such a rush today :)
no spring nor monsoon in the air here

but reading everybody's blogs - which seem to be universally inclining towards senti-ism

i find my thots turning towards the emotional

maybe the fact that, after a long period of staid non fiction, I am indulging in my favourite indulgence again ...

sweet sentimental romance - 2 in a serioes ... an mb followed by a georgette heyer :)

im also sitting on my first Gabriel Garcia Marquez by recommendation

lets see how that goes

besides that its pretty boring

i was thinking to myself (whom else do people "think" to)

that we often think we miss this and that person or place, but isnt it that what we really miss is just a time? a phase, a slice of our lives ... the way it was then, the way we felt ... a certain yesterday, a certain feeling, a certain home-ish flavour ... caught on the wind. a whiff of a memory, of a time when we fit in, belonged, to felt a part of somepart of some world
like mole missing home - long forgotten and now remembered?