reached edinburgh

no time for a long post cz im in a net shop
and im near broke
looking for a place
the city is pretty / old / cool-ish
and i can see why ma found it boring ;)
the place im staying now is a b&b in the centre of town
desperately looking for a place to stay nearabouts
i like being in city centres :)
lots of work. first deadline this monday! and its all so new to me - hope i can cope
will write again as soon as im a bit settled!

every where is different,
everywhere's the same
people are still people
places are still places
lovers still kiss
children still make ur heart ache
flowers bloom
the sun still teases
the hearts still hungry
the mind doesnt know what for
the feet are still restless
one day ill find a place called home

once more upon the waters

leaving for edinburgh, scotland for a year and a half. leaving on saturday 28th aug most probably. where i work, "u never know till you go" :)

dont know what tomorrow holds. its totally a leap into the unknown. feeling a bit weird about leaving home again. dont wanna go. yet theres nothing nice to do here work wise. and thats really frustrating.

looking back, workwise the assignment in the US was probably the nicest i have ever had. it was a perfect fit. ofcourse, it didnt feel that way at that time :)

i dont know how this will turn out. i am a bit scared. im not really known for my fantastic performance at work. but this is something new and i hope i can atleast, give it my best. the boss is the second best in the company ... the best being my boss in bristol. or so i think now - ask me again after ive been there a while ;)

right now i barely have breathing time. and im down with a flu on top of it. dunno when im leaving as we havent got tickets yet. dunno if im making one HUGE mistake, having heard everything about the scene there. but why do people always tell u these things too late :)

once again, im on my own. i dont know a soul where im going. but then, thats the good part of it, maybe ;)

i could write the saddest poem tonight ...

why do we get attached when we shouldnt. why do we get personal about things that arent personal. that dont belong to us. its just a job. thats what everyone says. and thats the way it should be.

one thing i have realised is that in most places how happy u are or how well or badly you do has nothing whatsoever to do with how good or bad you are at your work

i never thought i will end up in a corporate scene. id always wanted to be in academics. but i didnt make it. and now im stuck here. and i hate it. and i love it. and i hate it ... whats the difference anyway :)

here i come again

im back home again
it was a nice trip
no net access so cant wrote much
but i met austere, jo, jill and i couldnt meet rich :(
it was wonderful!

whereever i go drama and these horrible intense 'situations'
follow me. and i dont know whether to laugh or cry

its my world, my people, my friends and family - who are like this
the people i meet from outside are so sane. but i guess part of me loves it like that. must be.

i met belzeebub. he looks like a twelve year old! but we had fun. olypub and blue fox. beef steaks and beer. and adda. good times :)

i met chatts
dont know how long its been
i feel ... dunno

i cried all night when sauce was getting married
felt weird. and now this.
ill be on my own. totally

but ads still there.

i met him yesterday. he comes when i call
in my hour of weirdest need

turned out my fears were false.
but still im scared
have too much faith in my bad luck and my misfortunes
i dont want it this way. please please please no

dont feel like going anywhere

last night was heaven.
felt like we were on the phone all night long
but i checked the timer - ever practical me
and it was only 40 mins

i meant what i said
wanted to say more, why's and hows and when's
but theres never words, is there?
its been so long. we've been friends
i owe so much. to all of you. all my friends. you keep me alive.

wanna see brat. very much. been bugging him to come over
lets see what happens
might meet rahul soon ... dunno though if ill still be here

life is so beautiful as summer gets going!
it is still summer. issnt it? or are we in autumn already ;)

on my way back home

bombay has been wonderful. but im so glad im flying back tomorrow!
i met jonaki & her friends, rajesh and his friends, chatts & chris, jill, austere, dipti di and her family

couldnt meet malo, mintoo, jo, rich, fgs :(

made a new friend. and spoke to someone very very very special after a longf time. on the phone. all the way in the us

now im all excited. im going home. gonna see kiddo & teddy. man! im so kicked - ill burst! lol. its probably gonna be not half as 'wonderful' as im thinking it would be? i have a funny thing with people - i cant be 'semi' pally. most of my pals - either i totally love you - or u could die and i wouldnt care (though chances are - these days - it wont show on my face). there are very few people who are in the neutral zone. yeah - i guess its a scorp thing.

is it really you
ur a stranger
i keep saying ur the same
but u sound like someone else

i went back there
the roads we walked

the place i tried the splendour the first time
where i laughed, where u cried

where we drove around all night,
u showing me
everyplace u ever lived

so strange
ur a stranger now

i cant even think about it
i cant even dream about it
but i cant forget. cant ever forget

it was such a big mistake

but now the years have gone.
and now the times have changed

we live different lives
we are different people

lost somewhere, sometime
who we were then

still holding on
trying to stay friends

always. with everyone. its the same.
yesterday fights today fights tomorrow
as you try to grow

bombay calling

its seems like forever since i left calcutta. my calcutta. beautiful, intense, shining & so totally mine ...

its been a whirlwind here. so much to do workwise. and so many people to meet. met some old friends. and made some new friends. and i spoke to a very very very old friend. he is in the US. and im back here. dunno. life is weird.

spoke to mira, rich, jo ... but havent been able to meet up with them yet. ditto for mals. ditto for tamanna. ditto for chatts. wanna meet these people before i leave. but theres so little time.

then i should meet my family friends in vt. really want to. and my moms friends in bandra

wanted to revisit some old ghost haunted memories. but i wont have time. browsing tattered books at fountain. lazing at leopolds. sita phal ice cream. the club. the rooms at the oberoi. the cute little pool at leela. (lifes tough without daddy ;)sitting on the rocks on the beach. the bakery. fashion street ...

well, theres always a next time

the way we were

wouldnt it be nice if we could really live in the present. i know some of us manage pretty well, but a few are not so good or consistent with this skill

when i look back on my life till now, i see every colour, every shade in my memories. orange for fun & frolic, pink for love & laughter; red for anger & amor; grey for tears & trials; blue for the blues, purple for the strange lost days, black sins and pain; white for wisdom and peace. but given a choice, i wouldnt live one single day differently. 'got say it now - its been a good life all in all'

but the point here is that i look back. each moment i know, though i am, here and now, making memories i will look back on with fond longing some far away tomorrow, yet i spend a part of it looking over my shoulder at some long left behind yesterday.

through it all theres one thing i have realised. you never miss a place, time, person. i have gone back to all of them and found strangers where i had left bits and pieces of my heart. what we do miss is the way we were ... there,then, with them

we are different all the time. with different people, in different places, at different times. and we scatter our souls in the winds of our lives, spreading it everywhere we have touched, leaving bits and pieces of our selves every where we go.

wouldnt it be nice if we could collect all of us in space & time and be whole for that moment, that place.

a few more snaps at

i couldnt write in words how its raining. its like magic. the water. the light. the city. wish i could stay home and watch the 'way we were' ... or anything, for that matter

night ships in the mist

perhaps we are all like ships. and life is like a sea. i thought about this till early this morning. lying next to the gaping window, the skies outside washed in moonlight. awash. floating. shimmering. the window, the square hole in the walls was so huge; where i lay, was so near the edge; the room so dark; the world so still all around ... it seemed like i was floating through space - through your world, in capsule, in a bubble - in which i rode down from mine

people tell me i am mysterious. that i cant be known. or understood. i say - well, thank god. for ur sanities sake.

but i digress. lying there i found my self thinking about this: perhaps we are all like ships. and life is like a sea. endless analogies spun through my brain. we go through storms, we lose our way, we get slowed down in getting to tomorrows destination - bcz we need to stop and catch fish to eat today. we forget where we were heading. we end up in america's looking for india. funny thoughts, serious thoughts, crazy thoughts. its strange the kind of thoughts that will come into ur head at 3AM

but what really got me thinking this way is - that i had the loveliest weekend. im getting better everyday. every weekend. im getting stronger. soon i will be able to sail again. so we are like ships. our place is on the sea. not in port. but when we are on the sea - there's wear and tear. and when we get into port, if the damage is too much then we need to stay a while and get fixed up.

i saw JULIE last night. excellent story - a bit badly handled i thought. but im so glad i saw it all teh same. terribly explicit though! i could barely watch at times. and i saw 50 FIRST DATES. Brilliant. I loved it! Im dying to see kill bill 2 and 'double life of veronique'!!! WHAT a COMBINATION!

my new kolkata snaps ...
back by popular demand - the old comments box. Left the new one there awhile too - while I play with it :)

P ... the heading on top Im still working on - trying to unravel the mysteries of CSS without help from Mich - its mind boggling! I really miss her when Im trying to tweek the template! :)