Open Invitation

It never rains, but it pours! I have been 'invited' to Germany, in March, by my father; Bordeaux, anytime after March, by Ruma Di; and Rome and Venice, by Sandeepa, for Easter Break. I usually go to my Dad's place, Dubai, for Easter Break, so I dont know how this will work. Lets see. Pretty expensive, all those tickets and visa's and pretty painful, all that planning!

I'm worried about my download limit. Its 6GB but I am always conneted - about 24 hours and day and my Lime Wire is always in action. I just hope this doesnt turn out like my cell phone bill, which is on a 20 GBP plan but never bills me below 100 and I just 'cant see' how to bring it back. I'm just not able to cut down on some things, whereas I can cut down on shopping (which I hate anyway) and Grocery shopping quite easily! Whereas, I spent 90 mins with Barbie calling direct from first the home line and then my cell! But then, it was one of those family emergencies, where you dont give a flying f abt the cost, or cant.

In theory, I like everyone, and want them happy. It gives me a high of a kind, I like seeing people happy. Up close and personal, they give me the disgust, sooner or later. Does solitary confinement play stolkhom with your brain?

I read somewhere today, about Love and Madness. Soon human feeling will have been pinned to a nerve. Every thought, trait and charecteristice, traced to a gene, current or circuit. God be willing, I might even be in the huge mass of people doing it. Then why, am I so scared? Are You listening? Are You even for real? If not, do I want to know? Remember that part from Atlas Shrugged, where they say that you are just a mass of chemicals and cells, and the feeling of outrage? Is it true?

Its a cold cold week! The forecast for today is 3°C day & 0°C night, and tomorrows is 3°C & -1°C. I skipped my morning run today. Will do a session in the gym to make up. Been watching a lot fo South Park, lately. Song of the moment Misunderstood. Incidentally, this is one of those posts that will probably dissapear in a while :)

STOP THE PRESS: Read this article by Madeleine Bunting

Originally Posted at Prerona.

Broken, Atlast

pea shooter
sitting on the sun

couldnt have broken
my heart

so why does it feel like
rainy stormy days

why does it feel like

you never even said a single word
or implied, with a single glance

i was just looking for a fall
i didnt see it coming at all

Until you see ur just like me

The Calcutta trip snaps are up at flickr. The broadband has been set up. The 'friends', Saheli, going home tomorrow, for good, Subhalakshmi and Sandeepa have been fed and sent home, the house displayed, questions answered (ur mom and sister r so pretty & tall - yeah barbie ;)), plants named, dishes washed. I'm still up, listening to Out of Reach ... I never had your heart.

I get tired, once in a while, of being the person I want to be: mature and professional, mainly, dont talk so much, dont laugh so loud, dont be too friendly (good working relationships) but I just cant be like that, I think. Anyway,who cares. Running billing is driving me to tears of frustration ... and I ran something on a wrong date which means I have to do everything over ... key in new test cases, age them, restest. damn. I miss the days when microsoft releases and PComm's weirdness and figuring out delphi were my only worries. bliss. i hate application programming of all kinds.

Listening to Unforgiven now. Miss Barbie tonight. And wondering about someone. Where are you now? What were you thinking? Why do you look so gloomy these days. I wish I could make it better. I hate to see you blue. Actually, I hate to see anyone blue. Wish human relations and communications were simpler. Wish we could say what we meant, what we were thinking, wanting, dreaming about, but it never works that way.

I'm tired. At so many levels. Its raining outside. There are wet winds sweeping the city I seem to have fallen so surreptiously in love with. Cold and wet, its curling up into itself, with a puzzled, surprised, sulky cloud hanging over its head. I go to bed, wrapped up, the window open to the city, with a Prayer that the sun will warm it tomorrow.

Originally Posted at Prerona.

At dover lane

my sources say he's on dialysis, 3 times a week. he's become weak. she said i wouldnt recognise him anymore. i got mad. i thought abt all those sharad shamman and shiromoni nights. he was always sweet. i feel unreasonably angry. woke up from a nightmare at 4 am. called her still half asleep. all crap. she's totaly alive and all. making fun of me as usual. i told her not to go to the races, sp'ly in dubai. in the nightmare thats where she died. bitch. ill kill her is she dies

Originally Posted at Prerona.

Some kind of record

I hate weekends. Felt dmn pssd off on Friday, hence. Got in some food from Palkhi. Lamb Madras and Roti and sulked, ate and called home. Watched Henry and June again.

Saturday, called home, cleaned house, read Suitable Boy, ate some of the Lamb from day before. Chatted with Sandeepa. Deep lethargy. Didnt feel like getting online, or watching movies. So read and slept.

Sunday woke up at 5 and went to the Silverknowes Beach with Sandeepa. It was beautiful, we stayed there a while and got back around 11 bcz I was very cold bcz I forgot to where socks and take a jacket.

Then we loafed at Harvey Nichols and then went and ate some KFC. Neither of us had cash so we had to go hunting for an ATM. As I dont even have money in the bank (sal not come in yet) she had to take out the money. Ate loads of KFC. Then came home. Slept some. Read Suitable Boy. Watched Terms of Endearment & Insider - liked the former a lot. Read some more and dozed off at 2-ish

Thought about a lot of stuff over the weekend, work-wise, life-wise, world-wise but its not the kind of stuff I would like to share with my blog, so I'm basically pretty out of anything else to say. Incidentally, this post probably wont be up for long. I just felt that I had to make some polite conversation ;0) but if you want to read something better, 2 really awesome posts, read these:

On High
Mamma's Boy

Originally Posted at Prerona.

I hate weekends

I was miserable since Friday evening: not sad kind of miserable, but the bored kind. It feels good to be out of the heat and back in the cold, otherwise, I just miss home so much. The silnce is good, but I miss Pogie and Rahul and Hamza yelling all over the place. I miss suddenly bangings on my window in the middle of the night and 'little soned heads' grinning and yelling Pogie-Sister. I miss Rahul and his Pogie world ... pogie, pogie sister, pogie mummy, pogie daddy. I miss Hamza and how I kept trying to figure out why he looked familiar, and then realised just before I left, that I had met him last trip as well. Miss Chatts calling and cribbing about work and her boss from hell. I miss Juls calling and praising everything. I miss Adits inertness. I miss the food. I miss Mommy and I miss Dadda. I miss sitting at Shamiana for hours, drinking endless beer and Nimbu Pani while we waited for him to finish playing. I even miss hearing how his game went. I even miss Mommy cribbing about the whole family and world and how they're out to get her. I even miss Pogie and Rahul and Hamza fighting like 10 yr olds and trying to remind them they r almost out of college. LOL. I think I'm glad to be back.

Originally Posted at Prerona.

What do you think? Cant think at all!

what do you do when a dream comes true: rubaru? if ur like me, ur just to dumbstruck to do anything for a while, and then u get so excited that you gaggle like a turkey and blow it up in ur face.

at the end of a string of nasty, mean, grouchy days, came one of stalled winds. the kind when ur tired of bad weather, and just stop feeling anything. then suddenly, the sun came out. slowly. reluctantly. brightly. and the sun went to bed glowing.

why do we dream? why do we dream such impossible dreams? impossible, but sticky. stubborn. strong. pulling us out of realities weak hold and sweeping us up and away.
ready for the fall.

met the hare krishna lady again. gave her 2 pounds. she gave me 2 books. how to be krishna conscious, in 5 easy steps. or something like that. i am still reading 'a suitable boy'. and still outta anything interesting to say. Saw to amazing movies: Terms of Endearment and 84 Charring Cross Road. I love my him (Anthony Hopkins), so I love any movie with him in it, but this one was really brilliant. I really loved it.

Listening to INXS: 'I need you tonight'

Originally Posted at Prerona.

Jet lagged: Dazed and Confused

Jet lagged: Dazed and Confused
Magic Wednesday: Suddenly there's magic, in the air ... I'm back. With a Bang. Its raining, the worlds wet, shining and silver. These old stones streets, polished, glimmering, stoic, but smiling ... always there, always standing, always steady ... lending perspective, holding you up, to a cerullean, rain drenched, sweetly smiling evening sky. Song in my head: #1 Crush

Lise has put up tips for anyone learning French and the first one looks very good.

One fantastic post by 'Ph' over here - Please do read!

I'm too dazed still to write anew, so here are some old posts i found and liked today: feeling groovy, pune plus, whole lotta roses & an old favourite

Originally Posted at Prerona.

Edinburgh, Again. Jet lagged: Dazed and Confused

Magic Wednesday: Suddenly there's magic, in the air ... I'm back. With a Bang. Its raining, the worlds wet, shining and silver. These old stones streets, polished, glimmering, stoic, but smiling ... always there, always standing, always steady ... lending perspective, holding you up, to a cerullean, rain drenched, sweetly smiling evening sky. Song in my head: #1 Crush ... I think I have a crush on this city :)

Now I'm back. 3 weeks flew. So much happened. So much to say! The words are sticky and I cant get them out, or even find them. Here, its cold and dark and wet. And very very quiet, alone in that house.

Mom claims I spent it all at Roxy. Tollys in the sun watching dad play golf while we wolf endless grub and bear, Roxy at night with Juls, Chatts. Catch up with Ad after work everynight that I could threaten, beg, bargain him into coming over, 15 Park Avenue, cuddling into the Big Bed with Mommy in her room everynight (after loads of emotional blackmail) and then running away when she starts to snore, SPE - Hip Pocket - playing Baba O Reilly and the Hot Hot Hot Georgies Uncle, Early Morning to Early Evening sessions watching Shiv Kumar Sharma at Ram Krishna Mission, a mini blog meet, last minute errands - snaps of Park Street by night, 'chhele dekha's, 'chhele dhhora's, drives down RajarHat, lots of sisterly bonding, Long Island Ice Teas with Guava Juice (Fantasy Island), rose aylmer in the night, some shopping, being wowed by the new Office, being wowed by Rimi & Teleute & Ani (Very very cute kids), and even more bonding with Barbie, Rahul & Hamza, Hosting dad's birthday, a wedding, the big crush, an all night steamer party, meeting an old ghost after years and laying to rest a new ghost: tribeni, mid river, a swaying boat, shadows of mommy and barbie, standing a little way away, unreachable, and the water rushing up to meet us: me and you, a spider web in grey and red ... i'll never let you go. For 3 long, fleeting weeks, u r 'barra baby', didibhai, di, bebu, pogie-sister, motu, pre, prero, fatts, mummy, baby, sweets ... then with a thud ur back to plain old Prerona again: nobody's nobody, the Rock (with my books, and my music, and my poetry around me)

I'm still dazed from my journey. Hopefully, will write more once I'm sorted. Had to leave the Suitable Boy behind. Bought Shalimar (the clown) instead at the airport. Unexpectedly good, though like Marquez & Morrisson, I dont like the style and find it very hard to read. I tend to skim through most of it looking for the gist of things. Too ornate ...

Originally Posted at Prerona.