Calcutta, Calling

I'm home! Been here for 4 days, but feels like I had never left! She looks just like that, the City, the House, the Family & the other Friends. No net, so will have to come back and add to this post again after a while!

still no net access. been really hectic - meeting people etc - so no time to net shop. went to roxy. awesome. otherwise no partying at all. just tolly's and home and relatives places. dads birthday opening the new year was great. drinkjs at the cal club then we went to the poolside bbq at taj. i hosted a party for him - he was happy. i was happy to see him happy. and to eat the awesome cake ;)

my first new years home alone. mom & all went to cal club. sis and all went to ccfc etc. i was just home ... all alone. nice. new. surreal.

Originally Posted at Prerona.

Love and Science: 5 Prime Laws of Nature

1. Every one in the world will like you but you wont be able to like them back
2. The only one you could have 'liked' will be totally and maddeningly uninterested
3. You will be able to make small talk and friends with everyone in the world except the one guy you like ... with him you will be doo-doo-dah
4. neither will that one guy help out bcz ... refer to 2. above
5. every other but the guy who is mentioned above will over react to even the most basic friendship and promptly switch to chicklet mode and you wont be able to be coolly polite to detach the same

Corrollary to above laws: atleast 5 genuine friends I am genuinely fond of, will read the above and think I am referring to them in point 5 and be 'hurt'

Originally Posted at Prerona.

I could write the saddest poem tonight

what is it about some words that stick in ur head and pop up in the most unexpected times and ways? this keeps coming to mind today: "I could write the saddest poem tonight". Or I could write about Henry and June, and how poetic it was. What adjective could I use, to tell you how much it moved me? But I wouldnt, bcz you'd either not have heard of it, or say with a dirty smirk, ah! henry and june. so, i will let it be, and accept that one cant share everything. if the book was poetry in words and dances with words, the film was dancing light and images. its exquisite. the word was made for this. if the book felt more like "'anais and henry' and 'anais and june'" the movie felt more like henry and june. still watching it. a little a day. cant bear to let it finish :)

Originally Posted at Prerona.

Dawn's call

its still dark
just before the crack of dawn
i cant put it off anymore
now i have to go
into the cold
into the storms
into the cold dark strong winds
amongst the giants
and the beautiful strangers
i've already snoozed once on the call
cant break the mornings heart
got to get up
got to go
got to be on the run
talking to the winds and giants
loving them even as u fall
the princess returns
to frozen towers of ice and glass
glittering, shining, bright lights
and big and tall and happy people
the war wages on
and you must return
to take your place
in lifes race
no more running
no more hiding
for a while
just a little while
keep on holding on
lies eyes
and tender smiles
or just holding back
tight reins
on the run
no more time for peaceful slumber
no more time the blanket of unknowing
no more quiet silent retreat
under the blankets
gotto get up and go
gotto meet the dawn

Originally Posted at Prerona.

Tagged: Top 10 - Favourite Food

Tagged By Bonatellis:

0. Fillet Steak - Medium Rare with lots of butter fried veggies (beans carrots asparagus) and creamy mashed potatoes, with pepper and mushroom sauce. my favourite is at cal club or at the grand coffee shop

1. Mutton Biryani with Chicken Chaap - best at Shaukat Mama's house

2. Kosha Mangsho - Mutton (not Lamb) and luchi

3. Lal Shak with the white stuff on top

4. Pasta with creamy cheesy with sauce

5. Dal-Baati & Bhutta Sabji - best at Ad's & Jul's houses - respectively

6. Layer Sponge Cake - best by Mommy

7. Raspberry Cheesecake - best by Mommy

8. KFC - Spicy - my favourite is in Dubai

9. Shworma. Kebabs and loads of home made homous

Tag Mira, Parna, Aparna, Anumita, Hyde, Rupenzel, Maddie, Bhavna and anyone else who would like to give it a go?

Originally Posted at Prerona.

Tagged: Down the Memory Lane

Tagged by Ubiquity. This is a long one so Ill put it all in the post page ->

Top 5 Memories -

4 years ago, Jinx and I, making the Best Friends pact

5 years ago, first day of work at T, Kolkata

7 years ago, my first day at T, Pune

8 years ago, valentines day

10 years ago, first day at Fergie

12 year ago, Moju's little talk before I.C.S.E ('u've got potential, kid' she had tears in her eyes, i'll never forget)

5 yummy things -

a good steak,
raspberry conserve,
good coffee,
daal bati,
chingri machher malaikari

songs I know by heart -
tonnes! too many to list. a selection:

final cut
like a virgin
amaro porano jaha chaye
ek din aap
zindagi se bari ...
feeling love

right now - i hope that i dont fall in love with you
i'm not in love
wherever you may go
resting here with me

actually, most of floyd, queen, hemanta, few rabindra sangeet, some metallica, most def lep, some tull, some deep p, some cohen, some JC some dylan most of 'hamara bachpan' music - madonna, wham, thriller, pet shop boys, beach boys, lucky ali, etc

5 things I'd do if I had a lot of money -

go back to studying
buy a house
become thin
give the rest away

5 places I escape to -

The Loo,
Ad's place,
Big Libraries

5 things I'd never wear -

most jewellery
hippy clothes
frilly, girly clothes
short kurta and jeans

5 favourite TV shows -

Forgot the name - used to come on Star Plus - indopak collaboration (had the song by raju singh - Dekhiye toh lagta hain ...)
Thora hain, thore ki
Pride & Predjudice

5 things I enjoy doing -


Favourite toys -

the kitchen,
the comp,
the phone,
the mirror,
and random electrical gadget around the house.

5 peeple to tag -


Originally Posted at Prerona.

Princes Street, at Day Break

Dawn hasnt woken up the sleeping city; yet. He hovers over her, like a lover, about to wake her up, but reluctant, distracted by the splendour of her spread out, defenseless, guileless, silent, in his thirsty sight.

The sky is dark. The street lamps sweep down, casting irregular orange pools of light, swelling and ebbing like tides. The few people out, walk silently, hurrying to work; or stand silently smoking outside doorsteps, as if proud to have lived to tell, through another day. The joggers go quietly by, as if a little ashamed of their obscene cheerfulness, in the face of the adult, matter-of-fact normality, crawling the streets like dawn-ants.

The buses move swiftly through deserted roads. Like long distance athletes. stretching and warming up, before the main section of the run begings

In the half light, the old buildings tower above menacing, yet benign. Like tired giants of society men, the builders, the business men, the real men, who built the city and now weary, rest. In a corner, the dark shape of a bird of the night, sweeps suddenly down from a corniche. How many ages had he rested his immense wings?

At intervals, the swanky modern offices and malls glitter with gorgeous golden lights, each more resplendant than the next, like glamourous, exquisitely non-functional, heart stoppingly just-for-moment, stunningly beautiful, array of beauties at a society ball.

Theres a magic in the hush. In the horizon, dawn is stirring; the battle between hunger to hold the city awake, and watch her supine, atlast won. Birds and Robins bravely venture forth. Children wake up and are got ready for school. Men are fed and sent of for another day. The city wakes. A new day, begins.

Originally Posted at Prerona.


is being played with ... pls dont freak out if you come and see it in some bizzare state. i'm still trying to figure out how to make the read more thing conditional.

Originally Posted at Prerona.

Magic Monday

busy busy busy day ... but nice! huge fight and problems with travel arrangements but finally all was sorted. still leaving on 24th, and if that wasnt good enough to make me ecstatic, will have company for the long flight: some other people from work will be flying on the same flight. got a lot of items marked off on the list, but loads still remain. so much shopping. i hate shopping. so much packing. so much arranging and accounts other nasty jobs. damn!

song in my head "I hope"

Originally Posted at Prerona.

Hollywood Inspired

How come we kick such a huge fuss when our Indian films copy a hollywood movie or music, but no one ever says anything about it when hollywood makes remakes? Is Gere doing a Belmondo any less cringe-worthy than Kajol doing Ryan copy, expression by caricatured expression? Why is the stunning Masoom always followed by a disclaimer but Sommersby goes by without a mention? I dont know. I'm sure I must be missing something.

Originally Posted at Prerona.

Magic Friday

went for the office Christmas lunch. we went to 'Orchid' and ate chinese. the main course was good, if a bit slow. the tiger was good too. helped wait for the next course. lots of laughter and chatter. nice too see everyone so relaxed and happy. we went to the 3 sisters after. stayed a while, and then left them partying. [read more]

afterwards, i had a friend come down who i went and picked up from the station. went the whistle & binkie place, at last. nice atmosphere. we stayed just a moment, but i got a feeling the place would have been great to hang out in a while, with a group of people you can hang out for a while with.

it was cold. the town was out in christmas caps on high street. came home. ate. and talked the good talk. i realised i have become rustier than i thought at handling company, specially at home.

On Saturday, went to the library. packed. cooked. posted my xmas cards. wrote the rest. and watched mickey blue eyes and sommersby. ended the day with a immense list of things to do tomorrow! I cant believe how much organsing and shopping it takes to go home for 3 weeks. Need to take sandeepa skating (away) tomorrow, as well!

Read this and said Amen to that! Great post: Thanksgiving

Watching 'Satyricon' and 'Henry and June'. Nice.

There's no way,
that this love will come and stay
but i can look into your eyes
in fractioned, fleeting eternities, slip these moments away
and dream that you'll sway
and come my way
tomorrow, ill be good, & strong again
but today, let me just slip away
into dreams of another way
dreaming that you'll sway
my way
and stay

Originally Posted at Prerona.

Whats in a Name?

Been thinking about it ... almost every Happily Ever After pair that I know has names beginning with the same letter! So now you know what you gotto to do to find Everlasting Love? Find someone who's name starts with the same letter :)

So now, one more criteria has been added to my - already formidable - list! Prashant, Praful, Polly ... Pointless!

Funny thing, though ... while reading the comments I realised taht every guy I have ever had a crush on has had a name that starts with A!

Christmas lunch again at work. Loads of turkey and cranberry -havent felt so full in ages! Looks like I'm homewards bound! Will be in sweet Calcutta next Sunday? Tickets in hand.Or the next best thing - e tickets! Will be nice to be home again! I guess. Will be great to be in Cal again. I suppose. Will be wonderful to meet friends - old and new - I'm sure! So why do I feel so weird?

Went all the way to Ocean Centre - Water World. I like Leith too. Interesting people - out at 5. Dark. Moon spilling over. Black birds swooping suddenly down, from near crumbling, acute angled buildings. Do I love this place? If you agree, check out this ... One City. Ian Ranking was signing copies near work at the Gyle Shopping Center today - missed that!

Shopped for atleast 3 hours after work! Looking for 'classic black dress' for my sister and the secret santa stuff! Really tired! After all that effort, that dude better have himself a Merry Christmas! And my little sister had better like the dress

The third and final office christmas lunch today! Xcited? Nah! Whats the point. New post up at The Calcutta Blog

Song in my head: "The snow is really piling up outside! I wish you wouldnt ..."

Originally Posted at Prerona.

Can't get you out of my head

just when you manage to get it just right, someone comes along and crashes all ur plans. What? Nevermind.

Went for my morning run - it was Awesome! Took a new route. Went towards Leith. I like Edinburgh, but I love the old buildings and streets of the Old Town. The full moon from last night still hung around, when I left. Being around Princes Street feels like being in the centre of one of those old houses with a huge open courtyard in the middle - you can see the sky lighten, shade by shade; you can see the stars dim, bit by bit. Had a lot of prose flowing in my head, will put it down sometime soon - as soon as I get a chance! I will miss Edinburgh :)

I have finally changed my 'running CD' from Kill Bill to Love Actually. Its quite nice. So the song that stuck in my head today is 'the trouble with love is' ... and the trouble with making a fool of yourself is that you can never see where you're going till its too late ;)

Originally Posted at Prerona.

Another earthquake hits the Kashmir Valley

Another earthquake hits the Kashmir Valley ... Again?

Originally Posted at Prerona.

Can't take my eyes off you

At work today, I reached almost in time, after a long long time! There was a sweet old lady in the bus, I gave her my seat and she gave me a smile.

I ate my lunch at my desk, as usual, and posted a new poem on verse. Played with the template osme more. Ate a whole lot of peanuts and tried to maintain a professional look - dont giggle, dontr talk to much, head straight, chinup, eyes front type. stoic and expressionless, is what we are aiming for. In the AM, did my full 10K for the first time since the knee break-down. I think I am finally falling back into my beloved routine! News of Visa atlast? Maybe not! I want to go to the Whistle place and the Witchery, but strange as it may sound, I dont know a soul well enough to drag along, in Edinburgh! Is it possible to have stayed somewhere for more than a year and not have made a single proper hanging around out with type friend? Wine tasting at French class today, made by Lise's father, to celebrate the last class (before christmas, i hope!). Read the post on mooning at Aparna's blog. Got 2 post ideas 'into that valley' and 'closer - what is love' but not getting the time for a proper post, what with all the new traffic rules and all ;)

Originally Posted at Prerona.

Coming Home

so here i am
all set
packed and ready to go
ready to come back home
to you, your ghosts, your memories

in vain, have a i tried
to hold on tightly
clinging for dear life
to ur echos, and images,
my loss, my pain, this numb emptiness
the blood that i cry
as i lay awake
for hours every night
in vain have i begged and prayed
to you,
and the all the gods i could think of
whom they say, u went to ...
just in case, its true.
come back, please
or i want to go too
atleast in my dreams
come back, please
but, in vain

so now i'm going home
to the iron railed bed
that couldnt hold you trapped
long enough for me to come back
to the dirty, empty rooms
where i left you
while i roamed, adventured
and lived my life,
before i remembered
conveniently belated,
that i have you
to go home to.
now, i'm going home.

i'll look,
under iron railed bed
near the open windows,
wherever the breeze blows
in every pretty place
in every peaceful shrine
just in case, you left something behind.

so here i am
all set
packed and ready to go
ready to come back home
to you, your ghosts, your memories
my legs trembling.
my traitor's badge disguised.
my fickel face disguised.
behind loving smiles.
i'm coming home.

Why I love Betty Neels

On Saturday, we had a Team dinner party at a Team Mates place (pls note: capitals - for improved Team Spirit). The party went well enough, for a office affair, but I came back with a strange discovery: boys read mills and boons too! I saw an entire collection in his house.

Anyway, my theory is most people. atleast most girls, read m&B's at some point atleast, though some would die rather than admit it (pls note quantifiers 'most' and 'some', before rushing in for the kill, if part of, or aspire to, sterling-charactered minority who do not indulge in such girly pursuits).

Most of us have our favourite types, favourite authors, or even colours (ok - I made that up). My favourites are by Betty Neels. Her books are usually Pink, sometimes Red and most frequently available in Large Print ... need I say more!

however, I will. Chaste to the extreme, none of your new style hot, exciting, sizzling, printed on the cover and abandoned "yes! i feel like a siren" type heroines inside. The girls are either strapping, with pretty eyes and gorgeous hair, to relieve otherwise plain features, or very pretty, in a quiet way. They are mild mannered, placid, efficient little nurses, usually in chidrens or old peoples wards, with a secret desire to settle down with a house of their own and a few wee ones to look after. They sometimes have a stunning, but empty headed mother, or sister, or both who are condescendingly kind to them, and with whom our heroine frequently loses her temper, but wisely holds her tongue, being a sensible young lady.

The hero is always tall, not very nice to look at, but distinguished, in a sober way. He is almost always from Friesland and always a doctor, usually a profressor of surgery. He is mild mannered, but confident, and with a hint of steel behind well tailored velvet gloves. Discretely well off and well born. He pulls the heroines leg in a calm way and makes her lose her temper, while not being very sure what exactly he is upto. he takes care of the mother, evil or good, any unsuitable current love interests are set sent packing, firmly but very elegantly. He has several big dogs and a very old housekeeper or butler (called Tuggs)

Originally Posted at Prerona.

Can't take my mind off you

I slept till 1 on saturday, woke up for a snack, and then went straight back to sleep. no point in wasting resources, unnecessarily. finally, woke at 6, shouted a nice selection of expletives into the dark room and ran off to team-mates house. the party started at 6 and was supposed to have reached before others, to cook the starters! AND i was 1 hour away from town, where the rest of team lived.

after the party, which i have spoken enough about already, i walked home and stayed up all night watching 'days of happiness' and 'pushing tin'. in about 45 mins each.

On Sunday, I woke bright and early at the crack of noon. Was late for rowing - had to be at canal by 1.

Finished at 3. On the way home, I made mental notes of things I had to do - oddjobs and important jobs like sorting bills and seeing about various accounts like electricity, and french homework. Reached home and 4 and fell asleep.

Woke up at 7. ran to Scotmid to do grocery shopping for coming week, before it closed at 8. Ran back to call home before they went to bed. Called mom and sister. received miscellaneous instructions (dont spend money, dont get us anything, spend it on urself, dont send home, etc. btw, pls see if you find a 'nice' polka dotted dress, and some more aussie formula, and also, can you look for a pink angora shawl)

cooked myself some chicken with a imaginary recipe, noted said recipe and took picture, to be dutifully put up on cookery blog. Made list of things to be worried about in the coming week (tickets, visa, electricity cock-up, halogen lights [i dont know how to replace them], aol connection, next months card bill for all those pink shirts bought in wild moment), etc; Wrote in my journal; Spent some time cyber stalking my favourite bloggers. Looked up some interesting blogs from the old man's sites. Listened to a hauntingly nice melody on ElektricBlues, discovered a Fool on the Hill. Made stupid plans, which I will never carry out; washed my hair; watched 'laws of attraction' and 'raising arizona'; dropped off my dvd's in the letter box; packed my bags (plural) for monday and went to bed with my Beloved

Originally Posted at Prerona.

Full of Beans

B'lore to become Bengalooru! (read more) Ever wondered why we feel the need to change the names we have grown up and identify with? Do you still say "that place near VT"? Do you still say "I'm from Cal"? Just curious. Maybe a lot of people do. Somehow, Chennai fits, though. I can think of Chennai, as Chennai, if I ever think of it. Though I think of Mumbai as Bombay and Kolkata as Calcutta and I guess I will always think of Bengalooru as Blore :)

Originally Posted at Prerona.

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe

I saw it! Narnia! It was exquisite. I cried and cried throughout! I was watching a movie at a hall after ages! I went with Sandeepa and Shubhalakshmi. It was a little strange. After it was over, I could barely bear to break the spell!

After work, went to Praveen and Somnaths place. Did the marinade thing for tomorrows tandoori chicken. I hope their oven works! Ate a rushed dinner and then went to the hall.

It broke at 11:20. We tried to take a shortcut to Lothian Rd, almost got lost. Finally, we reached Princes St at quarter to twelve. From their they went home and I walked back to my place.

Tired! Wanna see it again

Everyone has acted so well, I thought! And my beloved Liam Neeson as the Lion's voice. When he resurfaced, I looked around and saw even the grown men were surreptiously wiping tears. The little girl, her eyes were just so amazing! And Peter, looked like Rahul Bhaiya :) The witch was Tilda Swinton ... from Adaptation, she's as great. All the children ... William Moseley as Peter the Magnificient, Anna Popplewell as Susan the Gentle, from The Girl with the Pearl Earring (I had liked her better there, though), Skandar Keynes as Edmund the Just, Georgie Henley as Lucy the Valiant ... how could they get a 9 yr old to act like that! But I fell in love with James MacAvoy, as Mr. Tumnus, the faun ... truely, madly, deeply. So much for fresh heart-break ;)

Next, I want to see Children of Dune, The Memoirs of a Geisha, Elizabeth, Elizabeth Town, In her Shoes, Mrs Henderson Presents

Originally Posted at Prerona.

European Grand Masters

European Grand Masters -this looks interesting. italy?

Originally Posted at Prerona.

Perspective of Mind: Douglas Hofstadter

A good summary: Perspective of Mind: Douglas Hofstadter
This is what I had wanted to study, at one time. It fascinates me, this subject ... but its very hard to jump back from the fire to the frying pan

Originally Posted at Prerona.

Saanj Baatir Rupkotha

I saw this movie last week. It was lovely! I dont know how I missed it before. I didnt even know about it. Saw it at my friends place when we went over for dinner and got it back. Probably not one of those that will be / would have been very popular, though!

Originally Posted at Prerona.


Reading ... or trying very hard to ... but its oh-so-hard! I'm afraid I am not liking it at all. Still, I labour on like a good girl, bcz 2 reliable sources said it will be worth it in the end. What do we live for if not to do the worthy, eh?
I think, however, theres a high risk of it ending up with Anna K, Agony & Ecstacy and Motorcycle M as the 'Unfinisheds'. Or maybe even in the sack of just couldnt like its with 'catcher in the rye' and 'tender is the night'? Washing it down with 'the mystery of the secret cottage' (thats the one in which pome-ernie first turns up) ... i didnt say that.

Originally Posted at Prerona.

Friday Countdown

I'm counting hours for the end of the day - cant wait for the weekend to start! Though its not that it will be any of the things I am looking forward to. I wanted to see Narnia and go to the Whistle place, but I dont feel like going alone, and I dont know anyone I could drag along. Sandeepa and Deep had said they would, but they ditched. Or, she ditched and so I cancelled the whole thing.

Its not like I can just sleep instead, either! There's a team party tomorrow and I gotto go marinading for the tandoori for tomorrow.

Just a hypothetical question, for anyone who would care to answer, if you start from scratch, and design yourself a life, this time, or maybe, again ... how would you design it?

Originally Posted at Prerona.

Men and Science: 5 Prime Laws of Nature

1. If a man is interesting, he will probably not be 'a good man', and vice versa.

2. If he is either, or both, he will probably be taken or gay.

3. If he is either 1. or 2, or both, and free, he will probably be years younger to you, chronologically, or mentally, or emotionally, or all of the above.

4. If he is either 1. or 2, or both, and free, and not too young, you will probably not feel anything for him ... no chemistry.

5. If he is either 1. or 2, or both, and free, and not too young and you spontaneously feel something for him, he will probably not reciprocate.

Now obviously, this was written as a joke ... might as well spell it out than face the comments ;)

Originally Posted at Prerona.

Good Morning!

Double bill of will and grace. grace's mother is here to stay, will says he wouldnt marry grace even if he was straight! i'm loving it!

It takes days to build up to one speed and time, and then you cant run for a week and in one week, its all gone. 80 mins 10K :(

I wish I was going to a dinner party with lobster and sour cream!

Its a beautiful day ...

Originally Posted at Prerona.

Make Friends

dont make them so hard, that when they shrug, your world crumbles. love your friends, but dont cut up pieces of ur heart and give them wrapped presents. it hurts when it hurts, badly.

i make friends easily. all kinds of friends, but specially the intimate kind. what is, by my defination, the intimate kind? the kind where you love them and you know they love you. the kind beyond 'being nice' and 'keeping touch'. the kind you ignore for ages and then call upon sudenly in distress, trvial or non, no qualms or surprise.

and i love them. i love them big time. i'd very shameless once i get to that level. if i know i've hurt you, i will do any amount of grovelling to make it better. even otherwise, i will do anything for them. i will go to long lengths to make them happy, keep them happy. i give a lot of shit to them, but i take a lot of shit too.

theres only one thing i cant take: betrayal - as hard to forgive as it is to define. though, with time, you learn to forgive almost anything, because you learn how hard love is to come by, and whole. you learn how rare goodness is, and complete. you take it as you find it, fragmented, distorted and all. all for the love. just a little love.

its sad. it leaves you thinking, after everything we have been through, after everything i have done for you, this is what it came to? this is what you could think of me? it hurts ... but what the heck, we survive

however, when the above mentioned betrayer, enemy of self #1 comes in with a bad head and looks like a sad, lost, little boy, you forget everything and just feel like making it better, dont you? maybe thats why they say that you only really fear the ones you really love, bcz like the godfather, you cant say no to those you love, you will do anything, allow anything, forgive everything. thats why i say that when you love someone very much, they become very powerful.

specially the kiddies. i meant what i said in a comment sometime back. 'age' is so relative and subjective ... i have so run out of grown ups ... maybe the only way from keeping people from turning into cute little kiddos is keeping ur distance ... but this is is fodder for another post altogether.

Make friends, but keep your 'self'. Make friends, but dont give them ur whole heart. Make friends, but don't let them break you, dont let them near enough.

Originally Posted at Prerona.

Someone has new clothes!

Atlast, after months and maybe even years, I have bought a whole lot of new clothes. A black and grey sweater, a brown skirt, and 2 shirts. Very nice. Very dear! Good thing I dont like shopping ... specially frequently! I blew up enough to make up for the lack of shopping for the last 1.5 years! ThomasPink, AustinReed and Jenners. Sale ;)

Today was Sandeepa's birthday. Went out at lunch and bought her a card and a t-shirt. Its very hard buying clothes for someoneelse. Specially, a fussy dresser and a shopoholic. Wanted to get her a book, a CD, or some perfume, or some make-up - my standard gifts - we should stick to things we know about. However, I kept remembering a comment she had made about one of the gifts I got for my birthday: she said so&so always gifts what she would like, she doesnt think about what you would like. Anyway, big flop. She didnt like! Good thing I kept the receipt.

we went for dinner in the evening. sandeepa, saheli, me and the new girl shubhalakshmi. we stood undecided for a while as no one wanted to volounteer a restaurant so i said i wanted to eat thai. my first time eating thai in UK. like chinese, its very different from thai in the USA. i had my burn-burn problem again so i practically banged the table till we got the starters after which my tummy behaved itself and we ordered and ate a nice meal (jungle curry, amonsgt other things)

its been ages since i went out for an outing with a small, social group. inspite of the awkward moments when i didnt get a joke, or logic, it was not that bad. nice ice cream

spoke to the archer in the afternoon. what is it with saggies? my life is overflowing with them. all except the one that i love and miss, my best friend, still absconding ... MIA. Maybe I should close the post.

Originally Posted at Prerona.

How dreams come true

last night, i had 1 nightmare and 2 dreams. in one, i sat at my desk working, when suddenly, i looked up to see someone standing at the printer ... thats how dreams come true!

Originally Posted at Prerona.

The sins of the father

Originally Posted at Prerona.

Walls of Perception

I see you, not as you are, but coloured and distorted by the walls of my
perception, experiences and desires, that stand between us.

You see me, not for who I am, but for who you think I am,
or want me to be.

Do you ever think about, what and why we hide?

Originally Posted at Prerona.

Strange Dreams are Made of This

yesterday was a tuesday
which meant i didnt finish with classes
and everything till 9:30
got home at 10
had already made dinner and packed lunch pre-class
red cabbage, spring onions and carrots with garlic
and the standard cous cous
ate dinner, ate some raspberry sponge cake, ate some yoghurt, had some horlicks
still i complained i was hungry
then i got out clothes for the next morning and for work
so far, i was doing good time
i didnt sit on the net for more than 5 mins
i just posted those posts i had written in the morning
checked gmail, checked my fav blogger for updates, and got up
then i started trying that archive things on gmail
before i knew it - it was 12:30
anyway, i went to bed, but couldnt sleep till about 2:30
it was cold with the window open
and it was too stuffy with it closed
or i was hungry, or i wanted to go to the loo
i woke up at 5 with the alarm
but i couldnt bear to get out
i convinced myself it was bad for my knee
i used to do this as a kid
i used to hate waking up so in my sleep i used to make up
stuff like the test was cancelled, or the homewark was actually for next week
then when i woek up i'd cry or get mad
anyway, i slept on till 7
had the sweetest dream
i was sitting outside the whistle place reading a book in the evening
someone was inside - for christmas breakfast!
and this girl came and just grabbed my book
i got mad and snapped at her
but she didnt get mad, she just laughed
some how, we got really friendly, went over to her parents
her mom was also very cute
then we were going to the mall to just hang out
on the way, my office people called
and said that could i pls drop in at ag's
had to take a local train
there were swanky new bombay style stations for new kolkata
but i wasnt carrying cash (as always)
we dropped in at south ave
took some money from ma (20 rupees), and mimi was there
anyway, then i dont remember what happened and then i woke up
so i actually still am not back on routine
i didnt go running today and i ate something weird early this morning
all in my sleep
and friends sucks!

Originally Posted at Prerona.

New Music

after a long i am listening to 'quite recent music' on my own!
usually, its only when i go home that i get a crash course in recent history from my sister. u'll get how long i mean i say ricky martin is recent history that i havent yet caught up with

Originally Posted at Prerona.

Self Discipline

I'm tired of struggling to be, and stay, who I want to be

Originally Posted at Prerona.

The Holy Mother

Originally Posted at Prerona.

Am I my Brother's Keeper?

Originally Posted at Prerona.

Friendship, Or Something Like It

i have a huge number of intimate friends, contradictory as it may sound. by an intimate friend i mean anyone that i love and who i know loves me. from these people, i take a lot of shit, and i give a lot too, most of it in the simple form of emotional time sharing, sometimes I just dissapear, go underground, unless they reach me, and need me for some genuine problem, i wont be available. i might even be cruel. specially if they are being sweet and mushy. the more so, the more irritating i will find them - its just a matter of control - how long i can fake it - and i can fake a lot for these people. why bother, cz these are people i am fond of and who are fond of me. they are not necessarily people who know me very well, or my ways, they dont have the code. they dont know what means what when. so, like a tourist in a foreign land, you have to be careful how you communicate, in order to be sure you are getting the right message across. sometimes there is no translation. except for chatts, sauce, addy, jinx and perhaps munal, i dont think there's anyone in who's terms i could translate "i do love u but i dont want to talk right now, or smile, or be 'cheered up' - pls leave me alone", "or i loveyou - but i cant tell you who i am or what i'm thinking" or "i love you - but i just cant f accept that u did that - u disgust me" - ironically, these wouldnt apply to them, or havent, till now.

anyway, i totally digress ... i was meaning to say, i have all these people i am close to and normally, i will forgive them anything. they say a scorpio never forfives. thats true. we dont know or understand what that means. so i guess with these people i dont let anything they do matter or count: just who they are or what they are to me. however, there is one thing i CANT ever forgive, in anyone ... and that is if i catch you talking behind my back about me ... even if it is about how i love coffee but hate instant ... i will be hurt. which means i will never be able to forgive. which means as of that moment i wont love you anymore. which means that if u were dying at my feet i wouldnt feel anything. nothing. as far as i am concerned you dont exist. i have switched off for very few people, but when i do its absolute and irrevokable. and u are hung without a trial, in a way, bcz all lines of communication are closed and you cant get through to get ur explanations through. ur dead. for me.

Originally Posted at Prerona.

The Dumb Questions

You will never be able to move from point A on to point B, till you have the gather the courage to ask The Stupid Questions, which you dare not ask because they you think they are obvious - to everyone but you; they usually are'nt and even if they are, it doesnt usually kill to ask. Also, or alternatively, listen to The Stupid Answers - the answers which scream out 'hullo' from deep in your gut, but you ask them to please shut up and not make a racket when you are busy thinking, or getting confused.

For example, "how do I know what I really want?", "Why should I go on?", "If I embark on this", "How do I know I will be able to do it?", "How do I know I wont be end up broke and destitute?", "How do I know I wont finish up jobless, minus my carefully accumulated, hoarded savings, unable to feed myself, unable to buy that house AND flunking out and or bored in this new route", "How do I know I will do atleast as well as I am doing in my rut and making atleast as much as I make here".

The obvious answers is there are no gaurantees. I know its scary, but you just got to leap in and keep in mind what you know - that it will be okay, even if it is not it will be. Confusing? It neednt be. Thing is, things always work out, one way or the other. Its never the end of the world (no, this is not a cue for you to start scaring me with the 'doomsday is coming' chant - respect ur elders!)

Its like diving into the deep end. You know, theoretically, that you 'can' swim and probably will manage once ur in. Yet you panic and feel frozen. Also, you might totally panic, or have a heart attack, or miss and hit ur head on the slide (do they still have the slide?) or something like that ... then someone else will probably jump in a save you. if not, you'll die. in which case none of this will matter to you anyway! Besides, if ur not frozen with panic you'll probably be okay, anyway. So moral, dont panic, dont think, just be 'Dumb' for a moment and Jump In (if you wanna feel ... nevermind (btw, why do words come to my head with trailing taglines like this attached?))

If you are confused try listening to the Stupid Answers already in your head. If you stop the panic and then sit down coolly and ask yourself the Stupid Questions you (may) ask me, and note the answers. There are somethings you know already, you just dont know, or rather, refuse to acknowledge to yourself that you know it! Q: If I just steal your cycle and go off trying to learn how to ride it, might I fall and get hurt? A: Duh! Q: Will I die? A: probably not! Q: will you hate me? A: yes, forever, anyway ... Q: If I come back and I still havent learnt? A: I'll probably have to go out with you and start you off, tai na? Moral of the story ... Bhoi ki Re! Not really! Moral of the story, listen to what yourself. Check stored system info, before executing external query, to avoid wasted resources in i/o access and also in data mgt due to excessive stored data, will probably end up with thrashing :0)

Originally Posted at Prerona.


there's a strange light in the sky today,
and a nameless fever in my blood.
i dont know why, but i feel
reckless today, and restless,
like singing and crying on twin breaths.
i'm scared of what i might do, on a day like this.

i'm restless, reckless, and ruminating today
wrote 2 big posts and deleted them
theres a strangle light in the sky
strangely warm sunlight (i thought it would have forgotten how),
this afternoon, from the window by my desk
played with the tinsel, yes - its christmas time,
and made multicoloured dancing lights
do the christmas polka, in the corner of my eye
mocking my vain efforts to stay calm,
and collected and serious,
who me? yes you! couldnt be!
so i spent the day filing and kept my temper
by the end i had even smiled and made small (humourous) talk
where once i would have put it back another 3 years, perhaps
the code? just bcz! nervous? me! why? i can barely wait!
listening to queen: 'now i'm sleeping like a princess'

i HATE gmail!!! almost broke my comp tonight, thanks to gmail. not to mention, stayed up till 11:30 when i should have been in bed by 10. Damn! they probably dont have an hci dept!

Originally Posted at Prerona.


there's a strange light in the sky today,
and a nameless fever in my blood.
i dont know why, but i feel
reckless today, and restless,
like singing and crying on twin breaths.
i'm scared of what i might do, on a day like this.

theres a strangle light in the sky
strangely warm sunlight: i thought it would have forgotten how,
this afternoon, from the window by my desk
played with the tinsel, yes - its christmas time,
and made multicoloured dancing lights
do the christmas polka, in the corner of my eye
mocking my vain efforts to stay calm,
and collected and serious,
who me? yes you! couldnt be!
so i spent the day filing and kept my temper
by the end i had even smiled and made small (humourous) talk
where once i would have put it back another 3 years, perhaps
the code? just bcz! nervous? me! why? i can barely wait!
listening to queen: 'now i'm sleeping like a princess'

This is not a poem, but i just wanted to remember this day :)

In December

wading through old posts, across all the blogs i created, as i went along. when I started, the whole point of the exercise was to have everything i wrote in one place, and like i said before, get more practise. however, i dont think its working out that way. inspite of what rahul said about the magnet thing (cant call that a story). i know where he was coming from, but, its getting looser in terms of content. like i were just saying things for the heck of it. i like my stuff less and less everyday, and i guess, thats the a necessary and sufficient condition to prove it sucks! maybe writing, and words, are also like love and shopping, you have to choose between quality and quantity.

its december: that time of the year, again. there has always been something magical about winter, for me. shamiana in the sun, international-night, bakery carnival, steamer parties, baba's holiday home, endless invites, baba's birthday bash, baba's month at home, boro din, flury's, cakes, santa claus, christmas trees, picnics, the zoo and a gentler sunshine.

and now its carols, live at surprising places; decorated shops, eateries and office spaces; twinkling street lights every evening; long luxurious nights and tiny quickly over & done with days; cuddling in under big, soft blankets with Floppy, a book and a hot drink. buying cards; getting cards; looking for robins; fairs and markets on blocked streets; gliterring frost and snow, on everything;

there's a village-market-style fair set up on fredrick street. as well as, the german fair in princes gardens. tomorrow, some people from work are going to see the roselyn chapel. i want to go but i want to sleep, as much! I am reading the town below the ground: edinburgh's legendary underground city: its not awfully well written, but its about ediburgh, and its got some interesting explanations. i think i fall a bit more in love with this place everyday. of all the places i have ever lived in, or even visited, this is the sweetest, funniest, prettiest, to date! and the people are the wonderful!

so 2005 is nearly done. at the end of every year, there is a sense of excitement and anticiaption; a rustling in your breath; like the tissue paper under a folded party dress. making progress. getting along. rocking on. what happens next ... what will the new year bring?

Originally Posted at Prerona.

Beautiful Day

Its a beautiful day (Dont let it get away. You're in the mud, in the maze of her imagination). I woke up this morning and it wasnt freezing. There was just enough wind and cool-th to make it feel 'fresh'. The sky was baby blue, laced with with little milky white clouds. The kind of sky I scrubbed onto paper with blue crayons(chitrangshu) when I was a little girl. The grass was dry and green, outside. The trees were clean, sharp, black strokes, with a few leaves still hanging on, in wee rust, ochre and russet clusters. If you watch, every once in a while, one of them will take the plunge, swirling gracefully down, like a ballerina dancing her swan song. On the ground, here and there, there a small groups of brightly coloured leaves of different shapes and sizes. the wind picks them up and makes them all go round and round in random circles, making little whirpools of colour. they look like children laughing and playing.

This was the first thing I read this morning, this article from crab's blog: In an old theater, a new life after the quake

Last night, I watched 'Ashiq Banaya Aap' ne. Took me all of a half hour. It would come along just when I was getting so smug and proud about movies from my India! I dont much like that Hashmi, and as for Sood: I had liked him SO much in Bhagat Singh (with my dearly beloved). Sigh! The girl is pretty, in the way that i like least, but has a awesome figure, or so i thought!

watching telly in the morning, it struck me: the relationships i like most AND identify with best, are archie and jughead, joey and chandler, will and grace, etc. I desperately scratched my brains and tried to think of a few pairs from the romantic genre but of the top of my head, i could just come up with rainer & justine (thornbirds) - to a point; or linus larrabee & sabrina fairchild, in a way. I liked richard and florentina (archer), but couldnt identify with them. I identify with holly golightly & paul, but dont like them (read, i dont want to). I liked satta bose and the air hostess, but they werent really going around, were they? i adore the characters played by uttam kumar and tanuja in deya neya, but i dont think i could have identified with it. i liked and could have identified with clarice and lecter, but again, they were'nt a proper couple! I still searching my memory storage - I'm sure I will come up with atleast one proper 'couple'!

I have this song playing in my head ever since I saw the movie: I hope that I dont fall in Love. The magic of it is a combination of the lyrics and the moment in the movie. I think I'm getting a crush on someone. Again. What? I thought it went away! Its pain finding stuff about songs on Google sometimes - looking for the real writer, etc. Speaking of Google, I found something I liked about Gmail! I like the way it puts each mail in the conversation seperately instead of linearly. I had to work very hard to come up with that one - to make up for all my recent b'g! Am I fair, or am I fair?

So finally I am all set up to chat with Daddy Dearest, with my mike and my webcam and everything, and he's out of town for a golf weekend. Not fair :(

Interesting piece of info: ELSS Funds, the turner report and here. More on the same here, here and here. And this from back home.

Originally Posted at Prerona.