And help me understand?

on days like this, thoughts whizz through your head like flies on a caracass. how appropriate. there's so much to say, but how would you say it. so times like these are ghalib times ... rahi na taquat e guftaar, aur agar ho bhi ...

i dont know why my heart still breaks when i think of these kids. very early they learn to keep a safe distance from 'them'. its always 'us' and 'them'. nice normal healthy innocent kids. with sweet memories of childhood. good food, good advice, nice names, birth certificates. how long does it take to get over your childhood? it takes some of these kids forever and a day.

just today someone asked me something that set me trying to pinpoint why and when exactly i miss you most. i used to think its in times like these. who else would know enough, who else would understand. but when i am faced with those kids and their little aching hearts, their stunted bonsai brains, their hopelessly hopeless confusion. (always confusion - yes i think the confusion is the central theme of their bequest). and their hard earned shells. their little aquired greedy, shameless, lustful, selfish ways. their poison. their sweetness. their bitterness. chocolat amer. (i think they were what i had named that ex blog after).

they go round and round in circles. they bang their heads against the walls they are trapped in. they look for friends. tehy want all the worng friends. greedily. the ones they cant have. the ones who will never love them enough. the ones who will never love them their way. maybe you need to be seared like that. branded. marked. maimed, beautiful itricate, complicated bonsai-d, to know feeling like that.

what the f am i writing about? i really dont even know. lol. guess i am really tired and i should crash. another round coming up immediately ...

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