after a very long time I visited a new blog. it was a great feeling in itself. and the blog was interesting too. and dark enough to suit my present mood, yet flippant enough that you can convince urself ur kidding.

i realised that i really started liking these things ... ruled post-it's

something has come into my range of vision ... though its far away. its been ages since i felt once again that i want something. not "i want" like i wanna be saved from something. or not "i want" like selecting something thats on offer ... but this ...
do I dare wish for it? i dunno. what silly things i set my heart upon ... if anyone knew - they'd be so amused. its no big deal for most people. just a platform. just a project. just a job. just a company ...

yesterday i took a class - 51 people - OMG - i freaked. is this the same me whose heart felt like rollercoaster on a downward swing when a i had to speak to more that 2 people at a time? strange disease. im not shy. i can walk upto strangers and be on old cotton tshirt terms in an hour but I cant relax with more than two people at a time even if they are my mom dad grandmom level of familiarity ...

i saw the cutest little boy in class. looked just like Him. i dont blv it can feel so strange. even after all these years? how long have i not seen The face. 5 years, 6 years. and i still remember every shade of every strand of hair. every scar and its history. every look and its meaning. the exact way his voice would sound - colored with a certain emotion - laughter, anger, sorrow. in any given situation, without consciously thinking about it the first thing that comes to my mind is what he would have said. that much familiarity. nothing more, nothing less. who is more cursed than them who ran away from love ... my horoscope said strange things about a virgo in this year. hah ... "oh no ... not again"
spoke to rajesh again today. i talk to him often. but there was something vageuly different ...
oh pls - dont fall for that shit bebu

this is my faourite time of the week. Thursday EOD. WoW! I wanna get stoned. Immaculate.
Today Im listening to ...
lagaan lagi & "aag lage saare duniya ko, main teri ho gayi re balamji

and

"Baby we can talk all night
But that ain't getting us nowhere
I told you everything I possibly can
There's nothing left inside of here

And maybe you can cry all night
But that'll never change the way that I feel
The snow is really piling up outside
I wish you wouldn't make me leave here

I poured it on and I poured it out
I tried to show you just how much I care
I'm tired of words and I'm too hoarse to shout
But you've been cold to me so long
I'm crying icicles instead of tears

And all I can do is keep on telling you
I want you
I need you
But -- there ain't no way I'm ever gonna love you
Now don't be sad
'Cause two out of three ain't bad

You'll never find your gold on a sandy beach
You'll never drill for oil on a city street
I know you're looking for a ruby in a mountain of rocks
But there ain't no Coupe de Ville hiding at the bottom of a Cracker Jack box

I can't lie
I can't tell you that I'm something I'm not
No matter how I try
I'll never be able
To give you something
Something that I just haven't got

There's only one girl that I will ever love
And that was so many years ago
And though I know I'll never get her out of my heart
She never loved me back
I remember how she left me on a stormy night
She kissed me and got out of our bed
And though I pleaded and I begged her not to walk out that door
She packed her bags and turned right away

And she kept on telling me
I want you
I need you
But there ain't no way I'm ever gonna love you
Now don't be sad
'Cause two out of three ain't bad"