by the cold and religious we were taken in hand
shown how to feel good and told to feel bad
douremembermehowitusedtobedontuthinkweshouldbecloser ... wasituwasitmedidiwatch2muchtv
feeling strange
im such a klutz
its 12:30
cant sleep
feel lost and scared and lonely
sometimes i feel like life is so big and i am so dumb ... mera kya hoga???
why do we do the things we do
why does it affect us so much
why do i ask so many questions ...
anyway ... who cares - kuchh na kuchh toh ho hi jayega
chatted with debanjan. and dins. and rusty. it made me feel better
sometimes i wish i was nicely married
id never have to drive, or do hisaab, or remember bills
just cook and watch tv & sleep & wear nice clothes :)
aaaaaaaaaaah what bliss
lol ... if only it was like that!
aina mujhse meri pehli si suraat mange
me and munal ... we r so similar yet so different
she cant get over how dull and practical i have become
why dont i go out
why dont i go wild
why do i worry
she says .... didi ... u were so crazy (thats supposed to be a compliment) what happened 2 u
i dont know what happened
dont know if its good or bad
i know that that me would perhaps not have survived this life
i know that that me would
but when u try to discipline urself and force feed ur soul into some mould u have visualised u just end up with a retarded spastic heart and mind and a tortured shapeless soul. but the soul never dies, it lingers like a dying fragrance, poised in a reluctant departure. hesitating at the door and waiting, hoping to be called back ...
and as long as the soul remains, is within reach, there is hope. of a new tomorrow .. of a re wakening ...
sometimes i think ... joy is so stubborn ... it will keep butting its silly shameless little head up again and again however u try to push it down ... like a rubber ball in a swimming pool
and sometimes Im amaazed at the crap I can write at 12:45 AM
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