time to go again

still feels like i barely got here
and its time to go again
leaving for calcutta on the 19th
i still have 2 weeks of hols left
why am i going there? it feels so ironic at times
there were 2 years of my life when i didnt have
to split time between calcutta and dubai
i was in texas and i didnt come home for 2 years
ironically, those years bought even bigger sorrows
the kind that maim and leave permanent scars
perhaps, the worst 2 years of my life
i guess compared to that, these are small things to bear
splitting time and love and loyalties
there are many things i think about writing here
but it never comes out
like most people i know, this page is too much of a stranger
to share anything so intimate with
or even anything too thoughtful
bcz if you shout at the wrong wall,
the echoes that will come back will be too crass
and insensible and stupid to bear
so why do we keep writing blogs
the people who do not write about news, or reviews,
or travel, or humour. what is it about this page that
you cant shake off? or maybe that question can be
extended to society. except for 3 or 4 people i have known
all my life, no one will really come close enough for me
to be my true self with, to share anything close to truth
i will be polite and funny, and sectretly, condescending
but why bother then? i spent 5 years starkly alone
i lived away from the friends i had, and made not even a single
acquaintaince to fill the space left by them
did i miss people? no. i still say what i got beaten up for saying
as a kid: no company is better than 'filler' company


  1. Hi Pre!! Been awhile indeed!! Been teaching up a storm and well just came off of the Christmas program...had about 100 ppl in the audience so I guess they have decided not to fire me!! ;-0}
    My younger kids did a handbell song and the middlers I have been teaching to play the recorder and then the high school level has got some pretty talented singers and musicians so I said, "What a smorgasboard!!"
    Have a vacation coming up in the next week for Christmas break and will let the gray hair fall where it may, looks like next year I will be replacing biology with physics...should be very interesting!!

    Hey young lady you take good care and I'll check in with you again real soon!!

    all my love,

  2. agree with the 'filler' company bit totally.

  3. Perhaps we blog to write about things we cannot write about, some half truths, some fiction.

  4. "except for 3 or 4 people i have known
    all my life, no one will really come close enough for me
    to be my true self with, to share anything close to truth"

    3 or 4 people to share anything close to truth? Thats 3 or 4 times more than most of us have. Consider yourself lucky, very lucky.

  5. i have one friend. I'd die for him.
    i have one partner. I'd die for her.
    i have one daughter. I'd die/kill for her.

    So, not bad in 30+ years, such a vast array of trusted people :)

    I think I have about 4 other people that I like, but I don't trust 'em, not with my heart...