goodbye again

i had saved up months of longing,
of patiently waiting, of missing you
i spoke to noone about you
i spoke to noone about anything that matters
i collected each tear-ghost, each bastard-wish,
that i had no right to make, that came out of nowhere,
each night, spent awake, counting sighs that i didnt sigh,
and when the weight of it all grew too much,
when it threatened to tumble and fall
then out of nowhere, your voice rang out
once again, in the middle of the night, in the dark room,
i huddled on the floor cradling my phone, delicate
fragile, fleeting, the most precious of connections
how did you know i had been calling
how did you know i was giving up?
or on the verge.
i borrowed you back for a few seconds
i crammed it all in, packing time best i could
but efficiency was never my forte
i rambled uselessly
silly songs i had heard, that had made me think
of you and smile
decisions i had made
paths i had chosen
but there was still so much to say
before we timed out
and so much to not say
so much you can never say
and this too, that i never thought you didnt
get in touch last year because you "felt odd"
yes. it was the worst time of my life
in a way, it still is
she took a lot with her
so many things
whatever you had left behind
most of that she took away
now there are just a few things left
like the laptop
an obscure reference
but maybe you'll get it
but maybe its for the best
what would i say had there been the time and chance
i'm sure its for the best
anyway. what will be marker this time?
from veer zara to umrao jaan :)