how long will this last

i think there are some things you cant let go off once they get into ur head ...
like guilt: how could i have said that. how could i have hurt her like tha, how did i ever do that ... that was ME!!??!!
like regret: i wish i hadnt made this decision. i cant believe i actually thought it would work out this way. i wish id studied a BIT. if id only not pissed him off like that. why did i buy that stupid thing. how could i forget my cookbook!
like greed hunger need ... i need a coffee RIGHT now, bcz i want like a coffee RIGHT now, , bcz i feel like a coffee RIGHT now
like desire: how would it feel to hug a certain somebody

we go from desire to want to need to right ... so easily. before we know it we have convinced ourselves we are wretched, miserable, deprived souls. its so hard to remember., life doesnt really owe us anything at all, does it? life is meant to be hard. life is meant tobe a battle.
i remembered this today bcz i sang it in my faourite hym when i woke up ... 'not for ever, by still waters, would we idly rest and stay. but would smite the living fountains from the rocks along our way. father hear the prayer we offer, not for ease the prayer shal be. but for strength that we may ever, live our lives courageously'

imagine the irony of someone who has long prayed for trials ... on his knees, broken, trying to wash away the marks of failure with his tears ;0)

its one of those phases when im ridiculously happy. i walk around with a silly grin on my face. its crazy - bcz i have every reason to be miserable! im broke. im not getting ANYWHERE at work, im back in the same emotional messi was in a few months agao ... can someone pls explain it to me .... why am i so happy? this scares me. bcz it almost always brings the HUGE fall up ahead. will i screw up tomorrow?

ur eyes are a window to ur soul
why do u look at me like that?

my eyes are windows to my sould
i cant look into my eyes

i need to know whats on my mind
whats making me cry and laught, in turns, all the while

i need to know, why suddenly
i feel so defeated, so lost, and broken

i need to find a friend
i could never stand alone

i need to care, i need someone, always
to love, to care for, wherever i am