where does this road lead to, I fear, I hesitate, Yet Im drawn to move on, By a voice echoing in my head that home is somewhere ahead

its such a beautiful day
reminds me of the days in uk
sometimes I think those were the nicest days in my life
not, ofcourse that these days are not nice
maybe its just that days, places and people grow more "nice" in hindsight ;)

the winds are blowing strong and true
reminds me of one of my favourite songs ...
winds of change are blowing strong and true ... babe u aint seen nothing like me yet
and they are cool and wet with moisture
the sky is fuzzy with pale grey clouds
and everything looks like its backlit with a silver glow
theres a strange light in the sky today
and a stranger light in my eyes
its such a beautiful world

sometimes for some reason some stray set of words from a book or movie or a song will sometimes stick in my head and pop up from time to time ... is there a reason? is it some little imp inside telling me something? or random recordings and playbacks ...

today is from sense and sensibility .... (Elinor) Did he tell you he loved you? (Marianne) Yes... no. Never absolutely. It was everyday implied but never declared.

(Elinor)I do not attempt to deny, that I think very highly of him - that I greatly esteem, that I like him.
(Marianne)Esteem him! Like him! Cold hearted Elinor! Oh! Worse than cold hearted! Ashamed of being otherwise.

I loved that movie. I identified with her (the elder sister) SO much ... (Elinor) What do you know of my heart? What do you know of anything but your own suffering. For weeks, Marianne, I've had this pressing on me without being at liberty to discuss it with a single soul. Having it forced on me by the very person whose prior claims laid ruin to all my hopes. I have endured her exultations again and again whilst knowing myself to be divided from Edward forever. Believe me, Marianne, had I not been bound to silence I could have provided proof enough of a broken heart, even for you.



anyway ... ad requiem ... I must get moving now
BIG implementation this weekend :)


how do you weigh disillusionment
how measure fear or pain
who is to say
who is right ... in this crazy world we live in?

im just a ghost
The spirit that lingers
The heart and soul died long ago

So then there must be something outside the heart
that feels the pain

or how could it still hurt

Im stumbling on a step at a time
as if it would be fatal to pause

who knows where I go or why
certainly not I :)
PM