On the road again

29 - 5. Will take a while to get back to 10, but I am happy, given the length of the break. I stop at the lake. The geese are very amused by stretches and think the bench press ridiculous

I run, usually, with my head down. It's a kind of home made blinkering system. I go early to avoid people. Still I often bump into people and things. I trip often. I mistake aquaintances for friends. Strangers for soulmates. See ghosts in vacuum. Sometimes I fall and get hurt. I get up, dust off and run again. But it's getting harder.

I need to stick to less peopled paths and times.

I frightened a sqirrel, store on mouth, on it's way home. It recovered and scurried away. I was left frozen. What if ...

Most days I wake up excited and happy. A new day! Then slowly the day and the world sinks in. The first flush is of anger and bitterness. Why? I hate making mistakes. I hate making a fool of myself.

These days I'm scared almost all the time. Scared, or fatal. Can you imagine feeling petrified of something, but not knowing what it is? Maybe someone's dancing on my grave.

Is a few days of the most exquisite happiness you have ever known, of learning, from scratch to take, to surrender, worth the crashing pain of coming reawakening? No it's not.

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