it was a beautiful day. they were a beautiful sequence of days. the sun was shining. it came and it went, but when it came, it really shone. soft and sweet. and once, direct, bang in my eyes.
but thats not the day i thought of it. i thought of it another time. it had been one whole sunny afternoon. the sun smiled, grinning in quaint grey corners, twinkling on polished old cobble stones. many dreams came true that day. thats when i thought of it.
i doubt that i will ever be able to explain it. its one thing to feel things, and another to shape them in words. have you ever lived a moment so perfect, so full of promises that you dont ever want it to end? a moment who's promise is so exquisite, pleasure so complete, that you dont want to move a step beyond it?
i remember flatliners. havent seen that in a long time, wanted to see it again. they are showing a bout de souffle, and atlast, double life of veronique at Edinburgh Film Centre.
whats new is a kind of letting go. there's a common thread to all the different types of courage i have found in the last few months. courage to open up and let people in. courage to try something new. courage to risk losing, failing, being rejected, looking stupid, being disliked. courage to close your eyes and step off the ledge, past the fear of falling, because you dreamed of flight. maybe it will be allright. i know that if i can only make it past this moment, this day, i will survive.