Random Notes

Its just idea's that we long for - inverted ghosts: shadows of the future,
or of our dreams, our imaginings. or echoes and footprints of past.
of lives lived. things felt.

we look back, and dream forward, from here, where we are frozen ...

we look at each others mourning and marvel at the diff sounds of
our cries and diff shapes of our tears ... but in the end theres
only one fact that remains ... death the lowest common denominator
and an end: of all that was and could have been, of all we were and
could have been, and wont be, nay, will not allow
ourselves to be, ever, ever again.

i'm sorry. i guess i'm just a nasty and cranky and vitriolic.
like a bitter old man who's been a gatekeeper at the further
outpost of the fortress walls for way to long ... strong,
lonely and frozen

Is it really (like being inside my thoughts), I wonder ;@)

u should always remember that u never know what another persons
thoughts are. u just see what they show u and that might

have nothing to do with what they are or are thinking :)

Remember my comment on one of ur recent posts to this effect?
we talk in riddles and hyperboles. its like we are all sitting
in a pressure cooker. u dont want to let out everything thats inside.
u let out little wisps of steam now and then. u were thinking of
something then, it caused u to write something, but not eactly what
u were thinking. and reading that i inferred, guessed at,
something, which again might be something entirely diff.
moral of the story: we can never be inside anyone's head ... thank god.

aaj chokh chhol chhol
mon tao durbol

shimaana haariye gechhe
poth phuriye gechhe

baari pherar poth,
aaj nirjon.

baari but baar shei baari khaali.
shob dhuloye dhoshiye gechhe!

reading, writing, music, people, texas, uk, kolkata, silence,
contrasts, confusion, contradiction, diction, cognition, the brain, psychology, philosophy, sociology etymology, ai, systems programming, networking, mainframes, history, literature, history of literature, movies, humour, satire, meanings, invasive question games, thought, devil's advocacy, curmudgeonliness, pessimism, ennui, ego, pride, power, love, sorrow, depression, narcisissm, pain
Empire art Kolkata invasive question games silence thought experiments devil's advocacy Curmudgeonliness, Pessimism, Ennui

people life texas kolkata silence contrasts contradiction cognition psychology philosophy systems programming history literature meanings bloviation

i think its always the person own choice ... yet we hve to be prepared to take consequences for our choices ... sometimes thats hard. specially cz payday is usually so long delayed ... ur a diff person by then and so u sometimes
feel like ur paying for what someone else chose, bought and consumed. now theres nothing left - the person, the purchase ... just you and the bills

This is another concept I have struggled with for a long time ... dont shoot me, just saying what I have wondered ... if you love him and he loves you and if you're so good together, does it matter if he is unfaithful ... I mean there will be something wrong with everyone right ... they say no one is perfect
and everyone will have some fault ... the fatal flaw, though
all else might be perfect

i know where the problems are. i know, almost, what the problems are. but i dont know how to fix them. i know what i want eventually, but i dont know how to get there. it seems so far away ... a trembling leap across an awning chasm and the clock ticking behind you.

someone asked me to clarify these and it set me wondering. These are the type of things I am always weaving neatly into elaborately circumlocuted lectures and parables. With a little sister ten yrs your junior, you learn to 'lecture' with panache (a bottle-ful of sugar). Today, got totally confused!
I think the "do as I say not as I do" policy was better!

how do you "be friendly" without "being friends"

how do you keep "what you feel like" and "what you
want" clearly seperate in your head

"my greatest lovesprings from my greatest hate" anais nin

of all the people i like, if they get to friendly with u i hate them for it. if they hate u, i hate them for it. so the only way i can survive is to keep the two worlds scruplously apart. but ur in me, my love. i carry u, inside, wherever i go. every love, passion, friendship, relationship ... fades before the intensity of my hate for u. is it love. is it hate, i dont know. at 10 yrs of age, ur too young to decide. after that u dont dare to know. to look. to think. i hate u.

No comments:

Post a Comment