1000 miles away

theres so much people know, have learnt, i wonder where they learnt it from. a lot of people come here and read posts sometimes ... if any of you have a answer, tell me. where do you learn these skills that our company is always giving presentations to teach you, send u to company organised 'camps' in vagues and beautiful places, that life skills gurus make so much money out of ... cz u dont need to be an expert, but u need to understand the basics. team spirit, communications, leadership. how to not mind losing, or atleast not let it show, how to accept that you make mistakes, that ur not the best or even as good as u ever thought you could be. or atleast not show it. crack jokes when u fck up, how to let the manager know that there was no fcking time, that there were too many bloody obstacles ... how not to fck up at work, how to ask for tech support and while making urself look like a cool dude ... some people seem to know it all. i figure, they were out learning these things when they played in groups of building kids way back when. it probably all boils down to the same thing. how to relate to people. how to handle people. how to focus. how to collect ur thoughts and get them across. keeping in mind what u want to say and what u want to other guy to hear.

i cant do these things but im trying to learn. sometimes i wanna learn if it'll kill me. sometimes i wanna say to fkc with it if thats what it takes. i stammer. i shut up. i hide. i start to cry. i get mad and wanna kick them down. burn the world and everything in it. i lose my temper. with clients. with managers. with gods. i lose myself in day dreams halfway down every sentence. i have no control over myself. i cant make myself do what i want.

and you ... this is not who you were last time i knew u. suddenly i looked at u and this is what i saw. how did you get this way? how do i fix you up again? for so long u hv been all i had. i dont know how to live without u, i've forgotten the me without you. i left u. i thought ill leave u for good. but, today, i bumped into u again, after a year and a half, and it was just the same. to be with u, be close to you ... how do i learn to live with u? ur black skin, ur simplicity, ur power. can a spool be beautiful. theres a magic in familiarity. wouldnt even curse cobol anymore ... all i know is miss u ... while ur a 1000 miles away.

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