its been so long since ...

its been 3 alomst years since i did this stuff
how did i ever do it!!! im back exactly where i started
the same crowd, the same team, same cobol, same black and green screen, same 6 year old broken computer, same 'analysis' ...

its so frustrating that i feel like resigning
or putting a gun to my head

and i did it to myself on purpose
sometimes i feel like laughing at myself
and big bloody srewball life i lead

how do i make u see
withouht seeing horror or blankness
in ur baby eyes

its not u -it never was
its just me i was outto destroy

how do i tell u to keep away
the hate i throw
like acid in ur face
was only for me inside

how do i make u go away
to safe places and normal people
im a little crazy
i always was

then being near her just makes it go wild

ive hated her, ive loved her
ive wanted to kill her
ivewanted to slap her, stamp her out, to break eevrything that was her

and ive hated myself
when the wonder returns
at how sweet she is - and how much i love her