im blue grey brown

i keep telling myself that its a new road ahead and all thatcrap
everything will be allright
no one is ever irrevokably, irredeemably doomed, cursed, written of...theres hope. but like everything else - Ivebecome numb to thattoo - underneath it all
everything i say do react to ... its all false - its all crap ...im smiling, laughing, talking bcz if u knew - u would ask ... and if i told u the truth ... it would take me a year or two to finish for starts ...itsbeen such a long life

anyway - fuck it - who cares ... i met pom at t SPE - dylan night ... it was great. she is great

but its funny how you form these pre conceptions about people ... when u really haveno clue ... do you

like its funny how we interpret things everywhere - all forms of communication and cling to them in all our convinced glory

i miss sauce ... and chatts ...miss them like crazy. a "homecoming" doesnt seem complete without them ...

spoke to jinx ... mu bestfriend. everything is so sordid
i wonder why ... is that all its about ...an endless series of let downs and dissapointments and curious people with their sordid curiousity?

no one really gives a flying fuck how you feel or if it can be fixed ... they justwanna know how /why / when ..."give them the story" "pour on the juice"

screwball ...i sound bitter and pissed off. not really. its just that being back in cal makes me a wee little bit truer to self and im more of a creep openly than otherwise

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