Song In My Head: Roses Blue

Have you ever read something and felt f! he said it! Like someone had found the words you'd been unable to lay ur hands on, and layed them to thoughts you had been fumbling to describe? Or maybe, drew the lines to a picture in your head, that you hadnt even even seen ...

"Men all seek happiness. He alone sought completion"

After a long time I'm doing a song in my head post! The theory behind it is that if you listen to the song in your head, it will tell you what your hearts thinking. Sometimes, the heart sings, or cries, or screams, so softly, you dont come to know. Its masked. Its evasive. It shows and hides and teases: the heart. But the songs, give it away. Sometimes.

When all the black cards come you cannot barter
No, when all your stars are stacked you cannot win
Shell shake her head and treat you like a martyr
It is her blackest spell she puts you in

In sorrow she can lure you where she wants you
Inside your own self-pity there you swim
In sinking down to drown her voice still haunts you
And only with your laughter can you win

You win the lasting laurels with your laughter
It reaches like an arm before you sink
To win the solitary truth youre after
You dare not ask the priestess how to think

Sometimes, some of the books and movies we see stay back in a back room of our heads and become 'real'. Sometimes, like people and places, you miss them. Today I miss 84 Charring Cross and Steppenwolf. Badly.

Last night, the skies rang with the thunder and flashed with lightning. It went on for a long, long time. Strangely, it wouldnt rain. It reminded me of how I get sometimes. It was the loudest thunder I had heard in a long time. For the first time in years and years I was scared ...

I am rarely scared. When I was a child, whenever the thunder rumbled and roared, back and forth, I kept the rains scruplously dry. I punched walls at times. or used the edge. But I kept dry. Never thought about it much. Never let it sink in. Maybe that was the beginning of the dontthinkaboutitanditwillgoaway mantra. No. The jokes and accusations and decisions and repercussions. the choices made. that was the real catch. anyway.

i went through an old drawar last night. came upon it by 'accident'. poems, stories, journals ... all the way since when i learnt to hold a pencil. on napkins. on the backs paper carton. even one on a t-shirt (i cut that part out). even then, i was fanatical abt not losing my words. what else did i have? if i wrote u a letter and it had particular artistry, i might steal in at night and steal it back! like that ...

it reminded me of the song: deewana shayer ka, ek deewan milega. Found this poem. Class 5 or 6, I think (1988)

"From a deep abyss of blackness
a flash of light;
From the soul to the mind
a question rings.

When each day becomes
a fast losing battle
against bitterness, unfairness,helplessness and confusion,
blind grasp for the headlights
zeroing in - target? heaven knows where!
So now come tell me what is love?
Hate & Hope, truth & Fasle?
Show me the lines and please justify.
I'll follow you come lead me on by.
Get up Karma Yatri
Rise and Shine.
Hark, Hear, Alert,
the beckoning sign.
Pull on the chain**
and slow the wheel.
I'll tell you tales,
if you promise not to cry

** - I think I vaguely remember learning about the chain on the train - and about the fine - just before that :D

and from college:

"ek je chhilo Poongie-ma aar**
taar bondhu Gadomba
dujon mile thaakto besh
shokal theke diner shesh
jobe hoto purnima
bolto tokhun Gadomba
'aye Poongie, dujon mile
ghure ashi tram-e chepe'
bole Poongie uttore
'khela chhar dekh dokkhine'!
Ajob bepaar! Ota ki re ...
Nach dhorechhe Gadombite!

The Sequel:

Gadomba aar Gadombite
Naach dhorechhe anonde te

Purnima-r chaader alo
Prem-e bhubon bhore gelo

Dure boshe Pungima
Ekla dekhe Chandrima

Jodi ekta shaathi khuje pai
Nachbo jemon janto koi


** Poonigie was then my nick for Barbie/Munal/Pakhi. Whic came first, the chicken or the egg, dont remember now.

*** this was found behind class notes from Liu Gibson (TCS) - my favouritest book in college.

And here's an old collection of Top 5's I found on Ricercar:

my top five irresitable songs TO CHEER ME UP ...1) elevation (u2)
2) need u tonight (inxs)
3) never to old to rock and roll (tull)
4) twisting by the pool (ds)
5) im too sexy (right said fred)

top five songs that give you goosebumps Prerona View Delete
nota very accurate list ... cz there are millions ... these are the top five of those that come to mind:

1) jealous guy
2) purple rain
3) final cut (any / all)
4) feeling love
5) when a blind man cries ...

n.b. - could not resist - everlasting love (U2), Going to California, Baba O Reilly, Love Hurts, Love Bites, Feelings, The way we were, Lets get it on, most of the time, she breaks like a little girl, suzzane, creep, the starting roll of fever dog, free falling, to make you feel my love, crazy, pink, moonriver, im not in love, smooth operator, wicked game, throw your arms around me (PJ), Cant take my eyes off you (Damien Rice), Another Lonely Day (Ben Harper), Goodbye My Lover ... and i guess i better stop somewhere ...

top 5 songs that make you throw up ...
no offence to the songs themselves - but i am just SO sick of hearing them!

hotel california
blowing in the wind
last christmas
one the wings of a snow white dove

my personal top five literary dissapointments:

1 - hitchhikers guide to the galaxy
2 - great gatsby
3 - catcher in the rye
4 - love in the times of cholera
5 - alchemist

(ZEN and the art of ... ? Immortality? Not sure for sure ... but they got close)

Disclaimer: Not putting these books down at all. Or even saying I didnt like them. Just that FOR ME they were 'different' from MY expectations.

top five cute guys in film Prerona View Delete

watching love, actually, one on my fav movies and almost on the back of that, pride and prejudice, made me think of how gorgeous they both are and how tough it is to decide between them!!! so heres my top 5 men:

1) anthony hopkins
2) collin firth
3) hugh grant
4) liam neeson / alan rickman (tie)
5) gregory peck

and ofcourse - further east - saif, ajay devgan, big b, small b, uttam kumar.

and non filmi focourse there mukul sharma!

Top 5 perfect women in film:

1. Aparna Sen
2. Zeenet Aman / Sushmita Sen (tie)
3. Sharmila
4. Antara Mali/Nandita Das
5. Julie Andrews

Might be offline for a while, but will be around checking other peoples blogs and looking (hopefully) for comments on mine :)

Originally Posted at Prerona.

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