song in my head - after years now

She grew up with
The children of the stars
In the hollywood hills and the boulevard
Her parents threw big parties
Everyone was there
They hung out with folks like
Dennis Hopper, Bob Seeger, Sonny and Cher

Now, she feels safe
In this bar on fairfax
And from the stage I can tell that
She can't let go and she can't relax
And just before
She hangs her head to cry
I sing to her a lullaby, I sing

Everything's gonna be all right
Rockabye, rockabye

She still lives with her mom
Outside the city
Down that street about a half a mile
And all her friends tell her
She's so pretty
But she'd be a whole lot prettier
If she smiled once in a while
`Cause even her smile
Looks like a frown
She's seen her share of devils
In this angel town

But, everything's gonna be all right
Rockabye, rockabye

I told her I ain't so sure
About this place
It's hard to play a gig in this town
And keep a straight face
Seems like everyone here's got a plan
It's kind of like nashville with a tan, but,

Everything's gonna be all right
Rockabye, rockabye

Lullaby - Shawn Mullins

there are two kinds of people in this world. people with broken hearts and those who dont know heartache. yet.

there are two kind of children in this world. children from "different" families. and those with "normal" parents.

there are only two things that happen with some kinds of pain. u forget for a while. or you remember. it never finishes. or heals. or goes away.

yes, she seems like a really bad person at times. have u ever wondered why? she was born a princess. she used be like an angel. she used to be a flower. now she's just dried grass. who did this to her? did she? but why? have u ever wondered why? now u cant save her. all of u betrayed her. just leave her in alone. maybe she will heal. maybe she will grow past it. un-whole. limping. broken. but alive ... is that what you wanted. just stop attacking her.

either the problem is the basic premise that life is supposed to be joyful... or the problem is with the absence of joy. the root of sorrow, in this case hatred. deep, unbearable self hatred ... like a bowl of acid held in ur inner most core -which spills a little each time u are shaken. why would u hate urself? bcz ur not good enough. bcz ur not as good as what u want to be. bcz "there's only one winner and everyone else is an also-ran"

if u were standing in the center of a whirlpool and u saw someone u liked approach ... what should you do? push them away? shout out - dont come near? or just shut up and crouch low and hope they dont see you?"

who do you go to when u are overwhelmingly excited? abysmally sad? hopeless lost? unreasonably happy? when u come undone? it a leap of faith? trusting someone intentions is easy. but trusting their ability to help you comes hard after uve fallen so many times. have you ever felt the hunger for a grownup? a lean-ee? have you ever felt tired of being grownup for everyone around? making allowances? swallowing hurt? and pride? telling urself it wasnt meant that way. that its ok?