When something flew with the wind and came and fell on ur lap, you tried to gently put it aside.
But it wouldn't go away. It wanted to stay and lay there smiling up into your eyes with the innocent faith
that you will never can never hurt them. that you never could. and its true. you cant. for to hurt them is like
throwing a boomerang in the air, it comes back and hits you in your heart. So you give up and you
hold it close.
As days pass a strange feeling is born & it grows. Your heart stretches so that the something,
so new and foreign just few days ago has now become a part of u. Like an arm, a leg or
a corner of your soul. There is love, but this is more than love. There is friendship, but
this is more than friendship. Its beyond sex, love, fixation, affection, admiration, respect
though it encompasses all this too.
It has no name. It's a feeling of identity or loss of identity, it's the feeling when u sometimes forget
that this is a separate person, apart from urself. it causes you to be more mean to this person than you
could ever be to anyone else at times. it causes you to be more gentle with this person than you could ever
imagine, at times. And sometimes just looking at this one sweetest face, this "another person outside of you", their slightest pain, sorrow, joy, it makes your heart twist and contract.
Why does this happen? this person, this "another person outside of you", has grown into a part of you.
So that they can never again go anywhere or do anything without affecting you too.
How would explain emotion physically? when I feel strong emotion, happiness, joy, sorrow, pain, fear ...
I have a physical feeling in my heart, in my stomach, around my eyes. A contraction, a soreness, a tenderness ...
How would you feel if one of your body parts where you feel things was outside you? If you could take of
your arm and give it to someone else, would you feel pain when it got cut or burnt? How would it feel to hurt
in a place you cant reach out to and touch or clutch at, because its removed from you ... far away?
And then time comes when that which came flying in the summer wind and landed on your lap one day, it gets
restless and starts to stir again. The season has rolled round to summer again. The wind one which it had flown
is back. and it wants to fly again. Like a little red feather fluttering in the wind, it can land in ur hand for a while
but you cant hold it there forever. You have to open your palms and let it go when the wind will call it again.
But you have let it grow into you. Or you have let yourself grow into it. But still you have to let it go ...
cut open your heart and let it fly out again. Your heart will bleed. Your eys will bleed. Your soul will cry & howl
like roaring winds in a wild desert night.
But if your heart was true & your love was real, you will let it go. You will smile and laugh and joke, so the journey of
your little feather is not made heavy with ur tears.
But sometimes when you are alone, you will find yourself staring vacantly into space. You will feel a emptyness like a
black still empty room. And suddenly you will break down and cry. You will scream and shout and cry out
into the empty room. Your whole body will shake and ur whole sould will tremble and quake with the fear.
The greatest fear of all ... how will I survive this. Someday, long after, when they are all gone and there is no one left
to see you gone weak. you will stand in the empty room, clutch the posts of the bed and wail into the silence.
much, much later. too late to sadden the little ones flight.
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