behind the wall

i am used to getting my leg pulled, by those who know me a bit behing my 'sweet' facade for my anti social traits. im grouchy, arrogant, very hot tempered, irrationally possesive, competetive, sarcastic, cold ... at times. most of the times and with most of the people its hid behind layers of control and politeness ... but thats the way it is ...

i dont get along with most people. i like very few people. though i am very polite with most people. i dont make friends easily. but when i do ... im meaner to them, i expect more from them, i keep running away from them and the more i like them the more hell i give them. its hard for me to make casual friends. its hard for me to be fake and controlled with people i love. i dunno why it is but thats the way it is ...

funny how i never end up writing whats actually on my mind. like i never say what i am really thinking. i dodge. i fake. i hide. i dissapear.

i dissapear when i feel scared. i dissapear when i hurt. i dissapear when i get very angry. i dissapear when i want to cry. i dissapear when the ghosts come back. i dissapear when i the voices in my haed start singing again. you might think im there. but im out of reach

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