shadows of the sun

spent some time deleting mails i had treasured for so long. had this temptation to just go online and clear out whole accounts. its crazy, issnt it? spectres from dark alleys you haved passed through continue to haunt you, even in the warm sunlit corners of ur home. u brush ur shoulders frantically, trying to rid urself of that which u cant really get at. but u cant lose it. what we have lived becomes us. in little bits and pieces. and getting rid becomes an amputation. you lose so much in the bargain. if the cancer has spread, ur left with hardly anything. u become half dead. alone, in the loneliest flat in town, u smooth the floors, and mark ur steps. once in a while u look in the mirror. and maybe wonder if ur still alive?

she reaches out and touches you
quietly in the dark
her cold fingers freeze around your heart

she'll never let you go
you can run wherever you want

but wherever you may run to
She'll be waiting in the dark

you've run away, far from home
left everything you've ever known

and then suddenly,
laughing over coffee
in an ungaurded moment
she'll steal up quietly
and her icy fingers squeeze round your heart

she'll smile as she swallows
your startled gasp of pain

noone will hear
your silent screams will

noone will see
as you freeze into spasms of pain

all that shows is a absence in your eyes
as they gaze far away ...

and noone knows how far it is
as she slowly slips away

and all that golden forgetful laughter
melted in a corner of your eye

as u smilingly make some excuse
some worldly, grownup reason why

they say some wounds never heal
she'll always be right behind

from the other side, i had a wonderful weekend. lunch party, rowing on saturday and french homework after cleaning the house sunday night. chatted with adit, ma, munal and baba. finally made and ate bhutta ka sabji. and looking fwd to a chat with my old friend from the USA who has promised she has interesting news. and tomorrow another week begins!