"I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human with the soul of a clown, which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments." James Douglas Morrison
have you ever felt without words. without wishes. empty? bereft? drained? three words so close yet so far.
when ur right at the edge and about to give - up he sends you the angels. how else do you explain it? coming across the book just then? staying up all night to read it? just the day after, i asked him to help me with it? when i said i just couldnt? its like 'the light'. one day i will write about 'the light'. comme j'ai pas peur presque. c'est quoi? i dont know. ur at the end. ur struggling. Just to hold on for a moment cz u think the next will be better and someone says something to make you laugh and the spell is broken. ur safe again!
and he's gone before u cold say thank you. or anything even remotely more intelligent than uh-uh-uh ... :)
is no company better than bad company? a little girl i knew had once said that to a grown up. when asked why she was sitting alone, at the open gate of a moving train. the other kids were in a compartment playing. she meant it. literally. but she didnt mean bad company - she meant bad for her. she was too young to realise that it was an insult. she just meant 'id rather be alone'. when she realised, she was so ashamed and so scared of having hurt them that she ran in and cut of her right arm being nice to the other kids to make up for it. but secretly, they still bored her. not in the insulting way but in an almost apologetic way. she missed her little place by the door, where she could sit quietly and think. think about life and death and Her and the old begger lady at the station and once in a while about 3 men in a boat - which made her laugh ...
