life kills you, not death. and it takes it times
my greatest joys, my most beautiful shadows, tallest pride, crippling shame, paralysing bitterness ... comes from my loneliness
sometimes i feel so alone ... sometimes i feel like if, if only, I had a friend. just one perfect friend. like one perfect rose. someone i can always talk to. in all my life theres never been anyone i could talk to. someone i can trust. in all my life theres never been anyone i could trust.
i dont know anything. love. life. where we are going what we are doing why we are sitting here wasting time. and everything else seems so pointless without that
Some days, the friendlessness pokes you behind your eyes every now and then like those funny headaches that you get when you are dehydrated ... elusive, but ever present. playing hide and seek. it stares you in the face stark, shining, unbending:
you are alone. totally alone. there is noone. there can be noone. ever. anywhere. you will always be alone. and you have no clue. why you are here. what the goals are. where you are headed. what you are supposed to do.
Then someone breaks into your thoughts with a friendly attempt at conversation ... and you stifle a curse bcz your chain of thought is broken and you realise that maybe all men are not social animals. people who are self-centred, self absorbed, lost in the abyss of introspection ... and yet polite ... cowardly, are better of on their own
the blog is killing my pink pages
theres nothing i hate more than to be disturbed when i am thinking.
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