i walked for two hours looking for a net cafe anywhere remotely close to my place and at 9pm came back to find one in the lane just behind my doorway ...
is it symbolic? ;)
i went out for lunch. lovely food. and even nicer sitting and chatting for ages. but then i came back. it was 6. it was pitch dark outside. it felt so strange. felt crazy sitting alone on the sofa and staring out, so i went out for a walk. stretched out for 2 hours. exploring stockbridge. saw tupi. or her clone. she recognised me too :) she jumped on me and licked my face, while her owner stood there apologising.
once a long long time ago, i lived at home. hung out with friends and at school after school. came home late - fooled around, all of us ... juls, neeraj, poongie, raju da, jo. or most of the days i went to adit, chatts or malo's house after school. ma came home every evening. baba came home every year. ruebell, tipsy, tupi ... made a noise. poong kept spoiling my books. juls kept whacking my clothes. jo made me miserable with her hyper-emotionalism ... now its silent all the time. my clothes are clean and neat. no one makes a fuss. or scribbles in my leather bound books. nothing really happens anymore.
but thats the way life goes. u have to learn to let go. you give some you get some. u cant stay at home forever. u have to leave the nest someday.
theres a beautiful pizza place near my house. it overlooks a "river" or excuse for ... it has a little table - one special table - its in a seperate alcove, surrounded by glass walls. red cloth covered tables. glowing candles. i love looking at it as i walk past.
ive been thinking of moving my poems to a seperate blog. right now i just dump them on my home page or somewhere on the pink pages.
sister of my soul
i dont have internet access at work. and i dont have a pc at home. which makes it impossible for me to keep in touch with people. calling is crazy - just calling my extended family is almost too expensive for me, with my one set of natural parents, and dozens of adopted parents, chatts, ad, sauce, juls ... and of course my kiddo. theres the work email, but its very cranky. it randomly picks up people and decides to block them?
looking back, it was one hell of a lousy week. everything i did just went wrong. lost my notebook which had everything imp in it. went in a four and 5 turned up. couldnt remember my numbers correctly. and ofcourse the usual home troubles were at an all time peak. cant do anything right. fat and ugly. bad person. either piss of someone everytime i open my mouth or piss myself off cz im being totally fake. how can any one person be so totally crappy in every possible way. its an art form and im an artist. the king of crap.
but still, its such a beautiful day today that its easy to forget all that. its bright and clear and crisp. blue skies and clouds in little wisps. friends to love who feel like they're close. dreams to make you forget ur woes. chatted with poongie till deep in the night. when u laugh before bed it makes u wake up bright. just woke up once 2 for a drink. the sky was so pretty as i stood at the sink.nice sunday :)
looking back, it was one hell of a lousy week. everything i did just went wrong. lost my notebook which had everything imp in it. went in a four and 5 turned up. couldnt remember my numbers correctly. and ofcourse the usual home troubles were at an all time peak. cant do anything right. fat and ugly. bad person. either piss of someone everytime i open my mouth or piss myself off cz im being totally fake. how can any one person be so totally crappy in every possible way. its an art form and im an artist. the king of crap.
but still, its such a beautiful day today that its easy to forget all that. its bright and clear and crisp. blue skies and clouds in little wisps. friends to love who feel like they're close. dreams to make you forget ur woes. chatted with poongie till deep in the night. when u laugh before bed it makes u wake up bright. just woke up once 2 for a drink. the sky was so pretty as i stood at the sink.nice sunday :)
Stranger In The Mirror
who are you stranger?
you look just like me,
you sound just like me,
why are you so familiar?
there was a flash of color
there was whiff of bloom
i followed, the burning desert trail, and found u desert rose ...
some part of me thought to crush u
under careless feet. some part thought like me ull hurt
if i let u survive
hard and fast grow desert flowers
poison hearted, acid leafed
sweet and pretty, innocent flowers - always ready for the kill
i hear ur voice now
like a echo, ringing out across the darkness
i see ur smile now, fading out, as ur light goes out
different worlds never meet.
wounds that early never heal.
voices rage out day and night.
theres no respite.
theres no relief.
so much pain.
so much hurt.
u cry out loud
hope no one will hear
u want to fall down on the ground
doubled. screaming. shout out loud
noone will hear.
noones there
shadows of the sun
she reaches out and touches you
quietly in the dark
and her cold fingers freeze slowly
around your unsuspecting heart
she'll never let you go
wherever you may run
wherever you may run to
She'll be waiting in the dark
you've run away, far from home
left everything you've ever known
then suddenly,
laughing over coffee
in an ungaurded moment
she'll steal up quietly
and her icy fingers squeeze slowly
around your unsuspecting heart
she'll smile as she swallows
your startled gasp of pain
noone will hear
your silent screams fade
noone will see
your spasms of pain
all that will show
is an absence in your eyes,
as they gaze in the distance,
far away ...
and noone knows how far it is
as she slowly slips away
with all that golden forgetful laughter
melted in a corner of your eye
and as u smilingly make some excuse
a worldly, grownup reason why
know one knows
she'll be back, sure as she went away.
they say some wounds never heal.
she'll always be right behind.
wherever you may run to,
she'll be right behind.
quietly in the dark
and her cold fingers freeze slowly
around your unsuspecting heart
she'll never let you go
wherever you may run
wherever you may run to
She'll be waiting in the dark
you've run away, far from home
left everything you've ever known
then suddenly,
laughing over coffee
in an ungaurded moment
she'll steal up quietly
and her icy fingers squeeze slowly
around your unsuspecting heart
she'll smile as she swallows
your startled gasp of pain
noone will hear
your silent screams fade
noone will see
your spasms of pain
all that will show
is an absence in your eyes,
as they gaze in the distance,
far away ...
and noone knows how far it is
as she slowly slips away
with all that golden forgetful laughter
melted in a corner of your eye
and as u smilingly make some excuse
a worldly, grownup reason why
know one knows
she'll be back, sure as she went away.
they say some wounds never heal.
she'll always be right behind.
wherever you may run to,
she'll be right behind.
Falconry
"We, the wild falcons of these skies
We, soft orphans of these tumultous times
We, sweet, intoxicating, poison hearted, wicked thorned
Wildflowers of the barren desert of progress
We, with delicate petals bright
And burning acid centers that sear u when u reach them
And by that time, its too late to draw out, to draw out whole ...
Beware, watch out, all be warned
proceed at your ur own risk.
dont cry out later that u were fooled
by our deceptive masks of innocense
will we ever find a home in the Garden
of the Gentle & Wise Gardener
with strong leather gloved Hands
Will we ever
Find our way back to heaven?
we, who are the bastards of two so unwed cultures ...
how quick we are to judge the rest
and say they wont ever ever ever understand us
the way we are
we think the nether lands of the mind
are our private preserve?
we think we are the lone peregrines
in the wastelands of black darkness and grey despair
thots of death and suicide or murder and vacany ...
journeys to blank space,
our sole sojournes?
our uninvaded playgrounds
they come here too,
the children of light
to take a peak or play a while
with what do they return?
what do we take, what do we give?
and how do we enter,
their very world
their safe and happy and clean world
armed with multi colored masks
pretend, pretend, its all pretend
but they do, or may
try comprehend
we're mockingly fearful,stoically shy
be brave, be brave
what are we so afraid of
what have we to lose
what have we left to lose anymore
We, soft orphans of these tumultous times
We, sweet, intoxicating, poison hearted, wicked thorned
Wildflowers of the barren desert of progress
We, with delicate petals bright
And burning acid centers that sear u when u reach them
And by that time, its too late to draw out, to draw out whole ...
Beware, watch out, all be warned
proceed at your ur own risk.
dont cry out later that u were fooled
by our deceptive masks of innocense
will we ever find a home in the Garden
of the Gentle & Wise Gardener
with strong leather gloved Hands
Will we ever
Find our way back to heaven?
we, who are the bastards of two so unwed cultures ...
how quick we are to judge the rest
and say they wont ever ever ever understand us
the way we are
we think the nether lands of the mind
are our private preserve?
we think we are the lone peregrines
in the wastelands of black darkness and grey despair
thots of death and suicide or murder and vacany ...
journeys to blank space,
our sole sojournes?
our uninvaded playgrounds
they come here too,
the children of light
to take a peak or play a while
with what do they return?
what do we take, what do we give?
and how do we enter,
their very world
their safe and happy and clean world
armed with multi colored masks
pretend, pretend, its all pretend
but they do, or may
try comprehend
we're mockingly fearful,stoically shy
be brave, be brave
what are we so afraid of
what have we to lose
what have we left to lose anymore
quote-unquote
i found this somewhere on my home page. i enjoy reading my own words. at times. is that funny or weird.
I did always believe that the songs that suddenly pop up in ur head are pulled up by our subconscious bcz its trying to say something .... TO us or maybe just mumbling out loud??? Anyway ... last few days I kept listening to "smoke on the water" but I didnt make any connection till right now ... you gotto have a really macabre sense of humour for this to hit ur funny bone ...
This song is my own mp3 version, which is a live recording, btw and starts with Rod Evans Screeeeeeeeeching "I know this seems like a devilish ploy But its one way to bring the proceedings to an end ...."
song in my head today ... Jesus Dont Want Me For A Sunbeam ... except that it comes out like jesus dont want me anymore ... why does it feel like the end of the world? when ur sad, u feel so alone ... isolated. and u laugh and crack dumb jokes. and hope no one notices ... but it just goes on hurting. what could u say. what cud u do ... how can i save her?
anyway ... on the lighter (?) side also found this on the site ...
You know there are somethings I love so much they make my heart ache for a few isolated moments at times ... like some words like cerullean & fey, like a few songs ... creep / love hurts / wicked game / jealous guy / romeo-juliet ... like ristretto coffee ;) and some flowers or sitting in the open in a isolated place at night ... while the world sleeps and u can kid ur self into beliveing theres no one else alive anywhere, anyplace ... like the pool of water I had once seen going from pune to bombay ... it was like a sheet of metal ... it looked so solid ... like how a little girl had once smiled at me on a bus in bristol at a time when I had been missing munal like mad ... I just got on and she looked up and smiled ... like we were supposed to meet up there andshe had been waiting ... she had a pink bow in her hair ... will I forget .. like some poems ... like "jenny loved me" I read it on the net, alone one night and I cried and I couldnt stop. I couldnt stop.
and another soul stirring memory. I was walking home from the bus stop in bristol one day. balmy vening. winds blowing all around. this is near the city centre and used to talk all kinds of weird by lanes ... a new one each time & there were so many! god I loved that city so. anyway, so its about 9 pm and the sky is just about begging to fade to darker shades ... Im walking ... its cold ... and I have one of those "I'm all alone in this world & thank god" feelings. Im walking by this huge church and SUDDENLY there are lights inside & the bells start chiming .. I cant explain this ... but it was heavenly. The sounds of the bells floated all around in the air till I felt like I was dancing in a cloud of song & the whole world was so beautiful and I was SO GRATEFUL I was alive & alone & free
no comp. cant write much. did some poems but they are still in the notebook. will type them out sometime soon.
I did always believe that the songs that suddenly pop up in ur head are pulled up by our subconscious bcz its trying to say something .... TO us or maybe just mumbling out loud??? Anyway ... last few days I kept listening to "smoke on the water" but I didnt make any connection till right now ... you gotto have a really macabre sense of humour for this to hit ur funny bone ...
This song is my own mp3 version, which is a live recording, btw and starts with Rod Evans Screeeeeeeeeching "I know this seems like a devilish ploy But its one way to bring the proceedings to an end ...."
song in my head today ... Jesus Dont Want Me For A Sunbeam ... except that it comes out like jesus dont want me anymore ... why does it feel like the end of the world? when ur sad, u feel so alone ... isolated. and u laugh and crack dumb jokes. and hope no one notices ... but it just goes on hurting. what could u say. what cud u do ... how can i save her?
anyway ... on the lighter (?) side also found this on the site ...
You know there are somethings I love so much they make my heart ache for a few isolated moments at times ... like some words like cerullean & fey, like a few songs ... creep / love hurts / wicked game / jealous guy / romeo-juliet ... like ristretto coffee ;) and some flowers or sitting in the open in a isolated place at night ... while the world sleeps and u can kid ur self into beliveing theres no one else alive anywhere, anyplace ... like the pool of water I had once seen going from pune to bombay ... it was like a sheet of metal ... it looked so solid ... like how a little girl had once smiled at me on a bus in bristol at a time when I had been missing munal like mad ... I just got on and she looked up and smiled ... like we were supposed to meet up there andshe had been waiting ... she had a pink bow in her hair ... will I forget .. like some poems ... like "jenny loved me" I read it on the net, alone one night and I cried and I couldnt stop. I couldnt stop.
and another soul stirring memory. I was walking home from the bus stop in bristol one day. balmy vening. winds blowing all around. this is near the city centre and used to talk all kinds of weird by lanes ... a new one each time & there were so many! god I loved that city so. anyway, so its about 9 pm and the sky is just about begging to fade to darker shades ... Im walking ... its cold ... and I have one of those "I'm all alone in this world & thank god" feelings. Im walking by this huge church and SUDDENLY there are lights inside & the bells start chiming .. I cant explain this ... but it was heavenly. The sounds of the bells floated all around in the air till I felt like I was dancing in a cloud of song & the whole world was so beautiful and I was SO GRATEFUL I was alive & alone & free
no comp. cant write much. did some poems but they are still in the notebook. will type them out sometime soon.
am i my brothers keeper?
When home is not where the homeland is
Wo gehen wir denn hin? Immer nach Hause.
Where are we going? Always homeward.
--Novalis
Wo gehen wir denn hin? Immer nach Hause.
Where are we going? Always homeward.
--Novalis
in search of a thicker skin
why do we get such strong / uncontrollable likes and dislikes in people? what do we care. y do we care. we hate to care. there r millions blue right now all over the world. what the h%$£ can we do ... why do we care. y shud it still hurt us after they forget. why would we still hurt? y do we cry for stupid things. y do we get mad and be all determined to stay mad ... but forget all about it in 5 mins.
i hate it when the simplest things get stupidly complicated?
A winter's day
In a deep and dark December
I am alone
Gazing from my window
To the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow
I am a rock
I am an island
I've built walls
A fortress deep and mighty
That none may penetrate
I have no need for friendship
Friendship causes pain
It's laughter and it's loving I disdain.
I am a rock
I am an island
Don't talk of love
Well, I've heard the word before
It's sleeping in my memory
I won't disturb the slumber
Of feelings that have died
If I'd never loved,
I never would have cried
I am a rock
I am an island
I have my books
And my poetry to protect me
I am shielded in my armor
Hiding in my room
Safe within my womb
I touch no-one and no-one touches me
I am a rock
I am an island
And the rock feels no pain
And an island never cries
I Am a Rock - Simon and Garfunkel
i hate it when the simplest things get stupidly complicated?
A winter's day
In a deep and dark December
I am alone
Gazing from my window
To the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow
I am a rock
I am an island
I've built walls
A fortress deep and mighty
That none may penetrate
I have no need for friendship
Friendship causes pain
It's laughter and it's loving I disdain.
I am a rock
I am an island
Don't talk of love
Well, I've heard the word before
It's sleeping in my memory
I won't disturb the slumber
Of feelings that have died
If I'd never loved,
I never would have cried
I am a rock
I am an island
I have my books
And my poetry to protect me
I am shielded in my armor
Hiding in my room
Safe within my womb
I touch no-one and no-one touches me
I am a rock
I am an island
And the rock feels no pain
And an island never cries
I Am a Rock - Simon and Garfunkel
closed a blog ...
closed a blog ... it was called weltanschauungen - world view ... whats the point. have so many, never write in them.
The description was : all around life rolls on. as I drift, fly, travel all around mans world, across distance and time, unique distills to common roots, more things change, more they stay the same
I am weary. i am drowning. in a pool of weltscmersch. yet a spark is hope. dormant, but in destroyable
there was only one dumb post ...
56 anniversary of a nation as an independant country
but issnt it really our 56 anniversary as one nation
was there an whole and consistent india before the raj united us?
we were always a collection of neighbouring states
common fantasies of a glorious past. desperately remembered
and todays India, what is it tied together by? A forced common use of a mother tongue which atleast 35% of the population does not even understand? and only about 30 percent speak naturally, from birth. Or is it a common land mass? The languages, the cultures, the people, religions, customs, histories ... everything is drastically different. Then what is common? at one time we had a common enemy. now even that separates us
with circumstance as the only thing to bond us together ... we r moving into the future, awkward, stumbling, five steps in five directions, one foot going forward, one going back. the pace is furious. the timing is critical. will we ever make it ...
back to the future, where we belong
The description was : all around life rolls on. as I drift, fly, travel all around mans world, across distance and time, unique distills to common roots, more things change, more they stay the same
I am weary. i am drowning. in a pool of weltscmersch. yet a spark is hope. dormant, but in destroyable
there was only one dumb post ...
56 anniversary of a nation as an independant country
but issnt it really our 56 anniversary as one nation
was there an whole and consistent india before the raj united us?
we were always a collection of neighbouring states
common fantasies of a glorious past. desperately remembered
and todays India, what is it tied together by? A forced common use of a mother tongue which atleast 35% of the population does not even understand? and only about 30 percent speak naturally, from birth. Or is it a common land mass? The languages, the cultures, the people, religions, customs, histories ... everything is drastically different. Then what is common? at one time we had a common enemy. now even that separates us
with circumstance as the only thing to bond us together ... we r moving into the future, awkward, stumbling, five steps in five directions, one foot going forward, one going back. the pace is furious. the timing is critical. will we ever make it ...
back to the future, where we belong
Friends
This was the blog that was going to be for just friends
"That's what real love amounts to - letting a person be what he really is. Most people love you for who you pretend to be. To keep their love, you keep pretending- performing. You get to love your pretence. It's true, we're locked in an image, an act- and the sad thing is, people get so used to their image, they grow attached to their masks. They love their chains. They forget all about who they really are. And if you try to remind them, they hate you for it, they feel like you're trying to stea
"I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human with the soul of a clown, which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments." Jim Morisson - The Doors - The greatest writer / songster / joker ... ever? so the kid thinks This page is going to be dedicated to friends ... intentions are to add one post for each friend I have ever loved, but then the 'road to hell is paved with good intentions' ;)"That's what real love amounts to - letting a person be what he really is. Most people love you for who you pretend to be. To keep their love, you keep pretending- performing. You get to love your pretence. It's true, we're locked in an image, an act- and the sad thing is, people get so used to their image, they grow attached to their masks. They love their chains. They forget all about who they really are. And if you try to remind them, they hate you for it, they feel like you're trying to stea
"I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human with the soul of a clown, which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments." Jim Morisson - The Doors - The greatest writer / songster / joker ... ever? so the kid thinks This page is going to be dedicated to friends ... intentions are to add one post for each friend I have ever loved, but then the 'road to hell is paved with good intentions' ;)
"That's what real love amounts to - letting a person be what he really is. Most people love you for who you pretend to be. To keep their love, you keep pretending- performing. You get to love your pretence. It's true, we're locked in an image, an act- and the sad thing is, people get so used to their image, they grow attached to their masks. They love their chains. They forget all about who they really are. And if you try to remind them, they hate you for it, they feel like you're trying to stea
"I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human with the soul of a clown, which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments." Jim Morisson - The Doors - The greatest writer / songster / joker ... ever? so the kid thinks This page is going to be dedicated to friends ... intentions are to add one post for each friend I have ever loved, but then the 'road to hell is paved with good intentions' ;)"That's what real love amounts to - letting a person be what he really is. Most people love you for who you pretend to be. To keep their love, you keep pretending- performing. You get to love your pretence. It's true, we're locked in an image, an act- and the sad thing is, people get so used to their image, they grow attached to their masks. They love their chains. They forget all about who they really are. And if you try to remind them, they hate you for it, they feel like you're trying to stea
"I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human with the soul of a clown, which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments." Jim Morisson - The Doors - The greatest writer / songster / joker ... ever? so the kid thinks This page is going to be dedicated to friends ... intentions are to add one post for each friend I have ever loved, but then the 'road to hell is paved with good intentions' ;)
History of English Language - From Some Webpage
http://www.hindunet.org/hindu_history/ancient/ramayan/rama_vartak.html
http://www.peak.org/~jeremy/dictionary/chapters/history.php
http://www.electricscotland.com/history/peebles/chap9.htm
Brief History of English
Where did English come from? The Germanic language of the Angulseaxans (Anglo-Saxons), who began arriving in the British Isles in the middle of the 5th century AD, developed independently of the original continental Ealdseaxe (Old Saxons), becoming what is called both Anglo-Saxon and Old English. English developed from there, more or less as follows:
450-1100 Anglo-Saxon/Old English
1100-1500 Middle English (Chaucer)
1500-1700 Early Modern (Shakespeare)
1700-1900 19th century (Industrial Revolution & Victorians)
1900-2000 Modern (Technology)
But who were these Saxons? Where did they and their language come from, and whom did they find when they arrived in the British Isles?
Celts
Romans
Germans
Ancient history
When did language start
Brief history of English
Old English
Middle English
Great vowel shift
Early Modern English
19th C English
American English
Modern English
[If some characters aren't ɛɑʃɪlʏʃɛɛn, click here.]
The Venerable Bede, in his Historia Ecclesiastica (written in Latin 735-739 AD) says that there were four peoples (languages) on the island: Picts, Scots, Angles, and Britons. The Scots were Celts who had come from Ireland in the 5th century; the British were the Celts from Manchester; the Angles, a generic term of the time including Angles, Saxons and Jutes, were the Germanic peoples from the continent; and the Picts.
The Celts
The Celtic speaking tribes emerged in central Europe around 3000 years ago. They dominated southern Germany and the northern Alps in the 1st millennium BC, and emerged in southern Europe in the 5th century BC (Spain, Celtiberians). They’re the Gauls in Europe, and the biblical Galatians in Turkey, as well as in Switzerland/northern Italy (Lepontic) and Britain and Ireland.
The Celts were known to the Greeks as Keltoi (barbarians). The first historical account of the Celts by the Romans report how they came out of the Alps (400 BC) and displaced the Etruscans from the fertile Po valley, which eventually led to the decline of the Etruscans (800 BC - 100 AD).
The Celts appeared in Britain and Ireland around 2800 years ago, essentially bringing the iron-age to the British Isles. The Irish Celts spoke Goidelic, the language that became Irish (Gaeilge), Manx (Gailck), and Scottish Gaelic(Gàídhlig) (In the late 400s, Gaelic speakers from County Antrim, Ireland invaded the western district of Argyll, Scotland (then Pictland or Pictavia). They called their new kingdom Dalriada but they were known as 'scots', meaning raiders, by their enemies.)
Goidelic is also called q-Celtic because it retains the ‘kw’ sound of proto-Indo-European (below), which survives today in words such as mac (son, as in McDonald, son of Donald).
At a later time period, there were more migrations of Celts into England, occurring up until (and possibly even a little after) Julius Caesar’s expeditions in 55-54 BC. These Celts spoke Brythonic, which gave rise to Welsh (Cymraeg), Cornish, Cumbric (Cymric) and Breton (when Cornish folk migrated to Britanny in France in the 5th century AD partially because of the bothersome Irish Celts).
Brythonic is also called p-Celtic because the ‘kw’ sound had developed into a ‘p’ (or ‘b’). The Welsh for son is map or mab, the root word of Mabinogion (a well-known collection of ancient Welsh legends including some of King Arthur, although the actual meaning of Mabinogion is unclear, something like ‘tales of youth’, ‘youthful career’, ‘aspirant to bardic honor’).
Since Lepontic (northern Italy) is p-Celtic, as is thought Celtberian, Gaulish, and Galatian, does this mean that Irish (q-Celtic) is the most ancient of Celtic languages, since the p-Celtic diverged from its Indo-European roots?
The Britonnes, so called by the Romans, were one of the many tribes in Britain, and it is this that eventually gives rise to words like (ancient) Briton, British, Britain, and brythonic. Interestingly, the Greeks called the British Isles (300 BC) Pretaninkai nesoi, the p-Celtic stem pretan the same as the q-Celtic Crethan, the Irish name for the Picts.
Tribes typically refer to themselves as the one true people (‘the chosen race’, ‘all men’, ‘the real people’) who live in ‘the homeland’, but are called by their neighbours usually something disparaging, starting with foreigner, and it is these names that more often seem to get passed down, becoming that by which they are known today.
Viking vik /vik/ originally meant fjord or bay, but also has the connotation of landing place, settlement, camp. So vik-ings means people of this camp, or literally townspeople. In Old English, wic means village.
derogatory terms
Celt from the Greek keltoi meaning barbarian.
Welsh, Wales Saxon word wealas, meaning foreigner, for the displaced Celts who became the Welsh.
Cornwall (‘Cornish Welsh’) Cornish foreigners
Goidelic Welsh gwyddel, meaning savages, for the Irish who briefly colonised in the west. (Goidelic is the language family name, see above.)
Scots related to an Old Irish word for raider, making Scotland mean the ‘Land of the Raiders’.
Gauls Latin Gallatae = barbarians.
barbarian Greek for foreigner.
Hebrew derived from a Babylonian word meaning vagrant.
compare
gaijin Japanese term for foreigner
gringo Mexican term for foreigner
Romans
The Romans arrived in Britain in 43 AD and left during the 5th century, completing their withdrawal by 436 AD. They were essentially managers of the land, farmed by the Celts, in return for taxes and protection. (They allowed a small number of Saxons to settle in Britain in those centuries.) They had control of Britain as far as Hadrian’s Wall, north of which lived the insurmountable Picts!?!
Germans
Germanic tribes emerged from southern Scandinavia around 3000 years ago and spread into northern areas of Germany. In the ensuing centuries, they expanded, encountering the Celts (4th c. BC), and Romans (1st c. BC). The eastern tribes were the nomadic Goths, the northern groups are the various Scandinavians (which gave rise to the Scandinavian languages), and the western ones in northern Germany were the Angles, Saxons, and Jutes (amongst others). Their languages became German and Dutch, and English began with Angles, Saxons, and Jutes who invaded and settled in Britain in the 5th century AD. (They were initially invited by Celtic King Vortigern to help him fight the Scots and the Picts?!?)
Some Ancient History (Indo-European)
,--Icelandic
|--Faeroese
,-(Phrygian) ,--------------------------------|--Norwegian
| | |--(Norn 18c)
|-(Illyrian) | |--Swedish
| | `--Danish
|-(Messapic) | ,--(Burgundian)
| | ,-----------------------------|--(Vandal)
|-(Thracean) | | `--(Gothic 16c)
| | | ,--Yiddish
|-Balto-Slavic | | ,-high------------------------German
| ,-North-´ | | ,--Afrikaans
|-Germanic-|-East-----´ | ,--|--Dutch
| | ,-German--low--Old Saxon-------´ `--Flemish
|-(Venetic)`West|-Old Frisian--------------------------Frisian
| | ,-Northumbrian-N. dialect-lowland Scots
|-Albanian `-Old English|-Mercian-Midland dialect-Modern English
| |-West Saxon--S. dialect-Dorsetshire dialect
Indo |-Armenian `-Kentish ,--(Cornish 1777)
European| ,--|--Welsh
|-(Anatolian 2000-1700 BC) | |--(Cumbric)
| | `--Breton
|-(Tocharian) ,-- Brythionic (p-Celtic)---------´ ,--(Manx 1974)
| |-- Goidelic (q-Celtic)--------------|--Irish Gaelic
|-Celtic-------|--(Gaulish) `--Scottish Gaelic
| |--(Celtiberian) ,-------Greek
| `--(Galatian 5c AD) | ,-----Romany
|-Greek(Mycenaen)-Classic Greek--Koine(common)-´ | ,--Romanian
| (1400-800 BC) (800-400 BC) (400 BC-500 AD) | |--Italian
|-Indo-Iranian-----------------------------------´ |--French
| (10c BC Sanskrit) |--Catalan
`-Italic--(Latin 6c BC–recentish)-------------------|--Spanish
`--Portuguese
In the same way that Romance languages Spanish, Italian, and Portuguese are obviously related, Germanic languages Dutch and German are related, and the Celtic languages Welsh, Scottish Gaelic and Irish are related, it was discovered that that these language groups are also related, though more distantly. All such related groups are part of the Indo-European language family. As Latin gave rise to the Romance languages, so a proto-Indo-European language is inferred, which gave rise to proto versions of each language group (such as Latin), which then gave rise to most of the languages found today in Europe, Persia, and northern India.
English is a branch of Indo-European, in the Germanic group. The chart shows the Indo-European language family tree, with Celtic and Germanic expanded more than the others. Extinct languages are in parenthesised, with prepended dates indicating when a language became unique, and appended dates the language’s demise, and a range showing both. Indo-European is one of a score of major language families, such as Austronesian, which includes all the southeast Asian languages, and Amerind which includes most of the native American languages. These language families, deduced linguistically, bear a striking correlation with the major ethnic groups, deduced genetically. One popular theory is that all these languages originated from one language, or at least there were a bunch of coexisting ones, but only one mongrel prevailed (in a similar way to people starting). But when was this, and who were these people?
When Did Language Start
It all started with a Big Bang about 13.7 billion years ago (±0.14). After a split second of quark soup, we got radioactive subatomic particle soup which took hundreds of thousands of years of simmering for actual atoms to coalesce. After a few hundred million years, galaxies formed, which promptly started manufacturing stars, and the stars manufactured the chemicals we all know and love, and are made of. Our galaxy formed around that time, about 13 billion years ago, although taking a few billion years to assume its present spiral structure, but our sun formed much later, appearing about 5 billion years ago.
The rightmost scale of the accompanying graph is (almost) linear time. Nothing much was going on in the universe except star formation and aliens going about their usual day-to-day business. The earth formed about 4.6 billion years ago, and after almost another billion years, life finally formed (think wads of bacteria in shallow parts of oceans). After another couple of billion years rolled by, algae formed, and various inexplicable slimy things (Ediacara). Eventually, about half a billion years ago, life as we know it began to proliferate, with lush vegetation and all manner of creepy crawly thingies. Mammals actually appeared about the same time as dinosaurs, but kept well out of the way, until a big meteor nuked all the dinosaurs. The thus-liberated ratty creatures took a mere 5 million years to evolve into primates, but 8 to evolve into real rodents, and 10 for bats. And hominids finally made their appearance, along with grasses, 25 million years ago.
Humans escaped from chimpanzees about 5-7 million years ago, though in modern parlance, we speak of sharing a common ancestor at that time back in the plio-Pleistocene era. The earliest actual Australopithecus fossil dates back to about 5 million years ago, and the earliest Homo erectus fossils date back to perhaps almost 2 million years ago, and evidence of modern humans Homo sapiens date back no earlier than a mere 200,000 years.
Homo erectus (Peking Man, Java Man) survived until 50,000 years ago, and Homo neanderthalensis (Neanderthals) survived until 30,000 years ago. But it was Homo sapiens (us) who survived solely, until mere moments ago.
Three precipitous things occurred with the advent of modern humans: an astonishingly rapid increase in intelligence or sophistication (your mileage may vary), and along with that, culture and language. The evidence for these comes also from three sources: anthropology, DNA testing, and linguistics. Most of the above comes from stones and bones. DNA testing of people of today has allowed scientists to create a family tree, then by measuring the variation, deduce when there was a common ancestor, and also the relationship between the various ethnic groups. For females, the DNA measured is in the mitochondria, small organelles that pass unchanged, apart from random mutations, from mother to daughter. For males, the DNA measured is on the Y chromosome. Mitochondrial Eve appears in Africa about 130,000 years ago, and Y-chromosome Adam about 59,000 years ago.
Similarly, the linguistic measurement traces the variation in related groups of languages back to a supposed common language, and this language with other such-derived languages back to another common language, all the way back to the original language. All three methods, of thus tracing the original humans and their ultimate dispersal around the planet, produce excellently consistent results, but with enough inconclusivity to keep the raging academic fires burning fiercely.
Migrations out of Africa began possibly as late as 50,000 years ago. Although Europe was thus populated about 40,000 years ago, the ice age squoze them out of the main part of Europe until around 16,000 years ago, when they were let back in. Farming was invented around 10,000 years ago the Middle East area, and these folks spread into Europe around 8000 years ago, where they would have encountered the original people (who did all those cool paintings in France), still hunting and gathering. God was invented by this time, just in time to create the creationists, about 6000 years ago on 23rd October 4004 BC.
Some linguists have surmised that language began about 150,000 years ago, and that this language, termed proto-World, diverged as humans spread around the world. So, in this scenario, language appeared with modern humans kind of at around the same time that culture and sophistication suddenly flourished, and culture is seen as a measure of modern consciousness. So the big question is, did consciousness beget language, language beget consciousness, or did they both arise hand in hand?
Which would mean, by the way, that my earlier claim about rhyming slang is patently false, because, Mr Anderson, what good is rhyming if you are unable to speak?
So we’ve populated Europe and Asia with nattering humans, and history begins about 10,000 years ago when farming was invented in the middle east. These folks spread east and west, taking farming with them. In this way it entered Europe about 8000 years ago, and was apparently gradually adopted by the indigenous hunter-gathers in Britain 6000 years ago.
It was previously thought that the Kurgans were the progenitors of Indo-European. They were an agricultural and warlike people from south Russia, as far back as 7000 years ago, spreading to Danube area of Europe and beyond (3500 BC), and arriving in the Adriatic region before 2000 BC. However, the Indo-European proto-language is now thought to have emerged amongst a loose collection of clans in Anatolia (the eastern end of Turkey) 6000 years ago, and from there diffusing many directions, including around the Caspian and Black Seas and in to Europe. Over time it diverged to become most of the European languages of today, such as the Celtic, Italic, and Germanic languages.
Picts
Legend has it that Morgaine, King Arthur’s lover and petite half-sister, was part Pictish, which explained her mysterious ways, psychic abilities, and small dark complexion.
Little is known of the Picts whose language died out in the 10th century, almost without trace, as the people merged with the Scots. Bede says that they were originally Scythians (north of the Black Sea, or Scandanavians?) who sailed to Ireland, picked up wives, and continued to the then fertile shores of Scotland in some remote time.
In the early 1950s, F. T. Wainwright collected everything known about them in The Problem of the Picts. The only criticism was that the problem in the title was singular. Many historians said the Picts shouldn’t exist, but were thwarted by sparse but persistent evidence. A mystique continues, despite a recent survey, The Age of the Picts by W. A. Cummins, which provides all answers presently knowable.
Brief History of English
Old English 450-1100 (Germanic)
So the Saxons arrived in 449 AD. As it happens, they were invited to help the various and sundry British tribes defend themselves, now that the Romans were gone, against the ever pillaging Picts, who kept dashing over Hadrian’s wall and rushing back again with their loot and booty, occasionally assisted by the Scots from Ireland. Although, it took no time for the Saxons to side with the Picts, chase the British tribes off to the extremities, and use the land for themselves.
The Celts were eventually pushed back to Wales in the west, and Cornwall in the southwest. In the 5th centuary, some Irish invaded southwestern Scotland, and in the 6th century a large group from South Wales and Cornwall emigrated to Brittany in northern France, where they still speak Breton. This is the Britain as described by Bede.
Today, Scottish Gaelic is spoken in Scotland, Irish Gaelic is spoken in Ireland, and Welsh is spoken in Wales. Manx (Irish Gaelic influenced by Norse) was spoken in the Isle of Man until the middle part of this century (last native speaker was Ned Maddrell who died on 12th December 1974). Cornish was spoken in Cornwall until (inscription on gravestone): "Here lies interred Dorothy Pentreath who died in 1777 said to have been the last person who conversed in the Ancient Cornish the peculiar language of this county from the earliest records till it expired in the eighteenth century in this parish of Saint Paul".
As a result, Old English is predominantly Anglo-Saxon, with very few Celtic words adopted into the language (about a dozen p-Celtic and three or so q-Celtic words).
Old English also borrowed from church Latin (~450 words) and from Old Norse (~50 words). 7th century Christian missions to Britain brought learning and literacy, initially entirely in Latin, but an Old English written language did emerge in the northeast and in the West Saxon kingdom of Alfred the Great in the second half of the 9th century.
The first known written English sentence, "This she-wolf is a reward to my kinsman," is an Anglo-Saxon runic inscription on a gold medallion (about the size of a 50¢ piece) found in Suffolk, dated about AD 450-480.
By 750 AD Old English had evolved into a distinct language separate from the original speech of the Angles and Saxons. Of the 1000 most frequently used words today 83% are of Old English origin. Of our remaining vocabulary about 30% are Anglo-Saxon survivals. Tens of thousands of our current words are of French and Latin origin.
From the 8th to the 11th centuries, Vikings plundered lands adjacent to the Baltic and North Seas, including northeast England. The Danish King Cnut conquered Norway and England, usurping the English throne, in the early 11th century. Large numbers of Scandinavians settled in England throughout the Old English period, giving the language several thousand common words.
As well as most alphabetic characters we use today, Old English included ash æ /a/, thorn þ /th/, eth ð /dh/, and (Runic) wynn w /w/. The þ and ð are still present in Icelandic, and the æ in Danish and Norwegian.
Middle English: 1100-1500 (Germanic + Romance)
With his invading Normans in 1066, William the Conqueror established French domination. They were originally Danes (‘Northmen’) who had settled the northern coast of France (Normandy) in the 8th and 9th centuries.
All Old English nobility were wiped out. Norman French became the language of the aristocracy and the government (Normanized Latin was used in government, church and learning), and English remained the speech of the masses. So until about 1200 England was bilingual, when many French words were absorbed into English. (English: ox, sheep, swine, calf, and deer. French: beef, mutton, pork, veal, and venison.)
By the mid-1300s, English had reasserted itself, with a statute enacted in Parliament in 1362 that all lawsuits be conducted in English. French became a cultivated rather than a native language. The Hundred Years’ War (1337-1453) meant French was the language of the enemy. The Black Death (1349-50), which killed off 30% of the people, increased the economic importance of the labouring classes and with it the importance of their language (not to mention their immune systems).
Geoffrey Chaucer (1340-1400): Chaucer’s English (the variety or dialect spoken in London) established itself as the standard. However, from 1250 to 1400, English adopted the greatest number of French words (40%), and of the nearly 10,000, 75% are still in use.
It also changed in fundamental ways, especially in pronunciation and grammar (becoming simpler), from highly inflected (Germanic) to very analytical (modern). Some dialects retain some of the early pronunciations for a few words (/doon/ for down in northern England and Scotland).
The Great Vowel Shift
Think of how we say our five vowels (ay, ee, ai, oh, (y)oo) and how we pronounce them phonetically (as in bad, bed, bid, bod, bud). This is an echo of the shift in pronunciation of vowels from (Old and) Middle English to more or less what we use now, and it occurred in various stages mainly during the 13th to the 17th centuries. Linguists refer to this change as The Great Vowel Shift. Spelling of (Old and) Middle English was very phonetic, and was effectively standardised with the advent of printing (William Caxton 1475). But after the shift, spelling was no longer consonant with pronunciation, a situation which continues, and exasperates English learners.
Most of the vowels (apparently, 18 out of 20) changed, some completely, and others just when in relation to certain consonants (/english/ → /inglish/). The long vowels changed from Middle English to modern, as follows: vowel example
i: → a ɪ
tyme /teem(ə)/ → time
u: → ɑʊ
cou /koo/ → cow
e: → i:
/fet/ → feet
o: → u:
goos /gohs/ → goose
ɛ: → i:
deel, dele /del/ → deal
ɔ: → oʊ, əʊ
ston /storn/ → stone
a: → eɪ
/nam(ə)/ → name
The cardinal vowel chart (see cardinal system at the end of the pronunciation chapter) shows the same changes as the table, and indicates the approximate time when the changes took place. Notice that changes generally started at the top and moved down. Essentially, as changes were occurring, vowels had to remain distinct for clarity, which is why they had to make room for each successive change, and they had to be intelligible across two or three generations, which would modulate the process. In England but not America, noticeable short-vowel changes include the pronunciation of the first vowel in clerk, Derby, and Berkshire to rhyme with star. Some vowels didn’t change in all areas. For instance in northern Britain and Canada, the original oo [u] and oh [əʊ] vowel in words like house, down, and about are still pretty much unchanged. In England the or [ɔ] vowel can still be heard in older upper class accents in words like cloth, off, cross, and often.
Early Modern English: 1500-1700 (Elizabethan, Shakespeare, Renaissance)
In 1476, William Caxton (1422-1491) set up the first printing press in Westminster Abbey. By 1640, 20,000 titles had been printed (mostly in London) in English. This pushed English, written and spoken, towards a standard form. The Dictionary was produced, notably Samuel Johnson’s in 1755 (which he did on his own time!).
1650-1800: The Age of Reason (Augustan Age), characterized by a strong sense of order and value of standards and regulations. The language of this time is recognizable today. The ‘Great Vowel Shift’ occurred, along with spelling reform. A strong central government used English as the national language for all purposes, despite the revival of the classics.
Latin and Greek were the most important sources of new words, followed by French, Italian, and Spanish. Most Latin and Greek introductions were deliberate attempts by 16th and early 17th century writers to enrich the language, to elevate ‘low’ English. Words also came in from 50 other languages, largely due to the expansion of the British Empire.
19th Century English: 1700-1900 (No change – just expansions)
Grammar was standardised, continuing a standardising trend. The Industrial Revolution and the Victorian Age. Words began to come to England from the colonies, especially America. English dialect terms became Standard English.
American English
The first settled English colony was in Jamestown, Virginia in 1607 – contemporaries of William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Francis Bacon (1561-1626), Christopher Marlowe (1564-1593) and John Donne (1572-1631). By the 18th century, American was recognized as distinct from British English. The earliest sign is perhaps the absorption of Indian words, almost exclusively from the Algonquian speaking tribes. American also borrowed many words from Africans brought in with the slave trade, and European immigrants, but they tended to be regional: African in the South, French in Louisiana, Spanish in the Southwest, German in Pennsylvania, and Dutch in New York, with Spanish being the most pervasive. Yiddish has contributed differently to both American and British.
Many words and pronunciations died out in England but survive in American. Words adopted new meanings in the new world. Great changes were wrought in 20th century American, with global economic, political, and technological prominence.
The main differences between American and British are vocabulary and pronunciation. There are slighter differences in spelling, pitch and stress. This is borne out in this (not exhaustive) dictionary, where about 60% of the differences are nouns (vocabulary) and 20% are spelling differences. Interestingly, although American is more tolerant of neologisms, written American tends to be stricter in grammar and syntax.
Modern English: 1900-2000
Science and technology, the entertainment industry, the world wars, and the car, have all contributed to the English lexicon. Formations – self-explaining compounds, Greek and Latin compounds, borrowings from other languages, deliberate coinages, extending meaning of current words, slang, and acronyms – are used ever more frequently.
http://www.peak.org/~jeremy/dictionary/chapters/history.php
http://www.electricscotland.com/history/peebles/chap9.htm
Brief History of English
Where did English come from? The Germanic language of the Angulseaxans (Anglo-Saxons), who began arriving in the British Isles in the middle of the 5th century AD, developed independently of the original continental Ealdseaxe (Old Saxons), becoming what is called both Anglo-Saxon and Old English. English developed from there, more or less as follows:
450-1100 Anglo-Saxon/Old English
1100-1500 Middle English (Chaucer)
1500-1700 Early Modern (Shakespeare)
1700-1900 19th century (Industrial Revolution & Victorians)
1900-2000 Modern (Technology)
But who were these Saxons? Where did they and their language come from, and whom did they find when they arrived in the British Isles?
Celts
Romans
Germans
Ancient history
When did language start
Brief history of English
Old English
Middle English
Great vowel shift
Early Modern English
19th C English
American English
Modern English
[If some characters aren't ɛɑʃɪlʏʃɛɛn, click here.]
The Venerable Bede, in his Historia Ecclesiastica (written in Latin 735-739 AD) says that there were four peoples (languages) on the island: Picts, Scots, Angles, and Britons. The Scots were Celts who had come from Ireland in the 5th century; the British were the Celts from Manchester; the Angles, a generic term of the time including Angles, Saxons and Jutes, were the Germanic peoples from the continent; and the Picts.
The Celts
The Celtic speaking tribes emerged in central Europe around 3000 years ago. They dominated southern Germany and the northern Alps in the 1st millennium BC, and emerged in southern Europe in the 5th century BC (Spain, Celtiberians). They’re the Gauls in Europe, and the biblical Galatians in Turkey, as well as in Switzerland/northern Italy (Lepontic) and Britain and Ireland.
The Celts were known to the Greeks as Keltoi (barbarians). The first historical account of the Celts by the Romans report how they came out of the Alps (400 BC) and displaced the Etruscans from the fertile Po valley, which eventually led to the decline of the Etruscans (800 BC - 100 AD).
The Celts appeared in Britain and Ireland around 2800 years ago, essentially bringing the iron-age to the British Isles. The Irish Celts spoke Goidelic, the language that became Irish (Gaeilge), Manx (Gailck), and Scottish Gaelic(Gàídhlig) (In the late 400s, Gaelic speakers from County Antrim, Ireland invaded the western district of Argyll, Scotland (then Pictland or Pictavia). They called their new kingdom Dalriada but they were known as 'scots', meaning raiders, by their enemies.)
Goidelic is also called q-Celtic because it retains the ‘kw’ sound of proto-Indo-European (below), which survives today in words such as mac (son, as in McDonald, son of Donald).
At a later time period, there were more migrations of Celts into England, occurring up until (and possibly even a little after) Julius Caesar’s expeditions in 55-54 BC. These Celts spoke Brythonic, which gave rise to Welsh (Cymraeg), Cornish, Cumbric (Cymric) and Breton (when Cornish folk migrated to Britanny in France in the 5th century AD partially because of the bothersome Irish Celts).
Brythonic is also called p-Celtic because the ‘kw’ sound had developed into a ‘p’ (or ‘b’). The Welsh for son is map or mab, the root word of Mabinogion (a well-known collection of ancient Welsh legends including some of King Arthur, although the actual meaning of Mabinogion is unclear, something like ‘tales of youth’, ‘youthful career’, ‘aspirant to bardic honor’).
Since Lepontic (northern Italy) is p-Celtic, as is thought Celtberian, Gaulish, and Galatian, does this mean that Irish (q-Celtic) is the most ancient of Celtic languages, since the p-Celtic diverged from its Indo-European roots?
The Britonnes, so called by the Romans, were one of the many tribes in Britain, and it is this that eventually gives rise to words like (ancient) Briton, British, Britain, and brythonic. Interestingly, the Greeks called the British Isles (300 BC) Pretaninkai nesoi, the p-Celtic stem pretan the same as the q-Celtic Crethan, the Irish name for the Picts.
Tribes typically refer to themselves as the one true people (‘the chosen race’, ‘all men’, ‘the real people’) who live in ‘the homeland’, but are called by their neighbours usually something disparaging, starting with foreigner, and it is these names that more often seem to get passed down, becoming that by which they are known today.
Viking vik /vik/ originally meant fjord or bay, but also has the connotation of landing place, settlement, camp. So vik-ings means people of this camp, or literally townspeople. In Old English, wic means village.
derogatory terms
Celt from the Greek keltoi meaning barbarian.
Welsh, Wales Saxon word wealas, meaning foreigner, for the displaced Celts who became the Welsh.
Cornwall (‘Cornish Welsh’) Cornish foreigners
Goidelic Welsh gwyddel, meaning savages, for the Irish who briefly colonised in the west. (Goidelic is the language family name, see above.)
Scots related to an Old Irish word for raider, making Scotland mean the ‘Land of the Raiders’.
Gauls Latin Gallatae = barbarians.
barbarian Greek for foreigner.
Hebrew derived from a Babylonian word meaning vagrant.
compare
gaijin Japanese term for foreigner
gringo Mexican term for foreigner
Romans
The Romans arrived in Britain in 43 AD and left during the 5th century, completing their withdrawal by 436 AD. They were essentially managers of the land, farmed by the Celts, in return for taxes and protection. (They allowed a small number of Saxons to settle in Britain in those centuries.) They had control of Britain as far as Hadrian’s Wall, north of which lived the insurmountable Picts!?!
Germans
Germanic tribes emerged from southern Scandinavia around 3000 years ago and spread into northern areas of Germany. In the ensuing centuries, they expanded, encountering the Celts (4th c. BC), and Romans (1st c. BC). The eastern tribes were the nomadic Goths, the northern groups are the various Scandinavians (which gave rise to the Scandinavian languages), and the western ones in northern Germany were the Angles, Saxons, and Jutes (amongst others). Their languages became German and Dutch, and English began with Angles, Saxons, and Jutes who invaded and settled in Britain in the 5th century AD. (They were initially invited by Celtic King Vortigern to help him fight the Scots and the Picts?!?)
Some Ancient History (Indo-European)
,--Icelandic
|--Faeroese
,-(Phrygian) ,--------------------------------|--Norwegian
| | |--(Norn 18c)
|-(Illyrian) | |--Swedish
| | `--Danish
|-(Messapic) | ,--(Burgundian)
| | ,-----------------------------|--(Vandal)
|-(Thracean) | | `--(Gothic 16c)
| | | ,--Yiddish
|-Balto-Slavic | | ,-high------------------------German
| ,-North-´ | | ,--Afrikaans
|-Germanic-|-East-----´ | ,--|--Dutch
| | ,-German--low--Old Saxon-------´ `--Flemish
|-(Venetic)`West|-Old Frisian--------------------------Frisian
| | ,-Northumbrian-N. dialect-lowland Scots
|-Albanian `-Old English|-Mercian-Midland dialect-Modern English
| |-West Saxon--S. dialect-Dorsetshire dialect
Indo |-Armenian `-Kentish ,--(Cornish 1777)
European| ,--|--Welsh
|-(Anatolian 2000-1700 BC) | |--(Cumbric)
| | `--Breton
|-(Tocharian) ,-- Brythionic (p-Celtic)---------´ ,--(Manx 1974)
| |-- Goidelic (q-Celtic)--------------|--Irish Gaelic
|-Celtic-------|--(Gaulish) `--Scottish Gaelic
| |--(Celtiberian) ,-------Greek
| `--(Galatian 5c AD) | ,-----Romany
|-Greek(Mycenaen)-Classic Greek--Koine(common)-´ | ,--Romanian
| (1400-800 BC) (800-400 BC) (400 BC-500 AD) | |--Italian
|-Indo-Iranian-----------------------------------´ |--French
| (10c BC Sanskrit) |--Catalan
`-Italic--(Latin 6c BC–recentish)-------------------|--Spanish
`--Portuguese
In the same way that Romance languages Spanish, Italian, and Portuguese are obviously related, Germanic languages Dutch and German are related, and the Celtic languages Welsh, Scottish Gaelic and Irish are related, it was discovered that that these language groups are also related, though more distantly. All such related groups are part of the Indo-European language family. As Latin gave rise to the Romance languages, so a proto-Indo-European language is inferred, which gave rise to proto versions of each language group (such as Latin), which then gave rise to most of the languages found today in Europe, Persia, and northern India.
English is a branch of Indo-European, in the Germanic group. The chart shows the Indo-European language family tree, with Celtic and Germanic expanded more than the others. Extinct languages are in parenthesised, with prepended dates indicating when a language became unique, and appended dates the language’s demise, and a range showing both. Indo-European is one of a score of major language families, such as Austronesian, which includes all the southeast Asian languages, and Amerind which includes most of the native American languages. These language families, deduced linguistically, bear a striking correlation with the major ethnic groups, deduced genetically. One popular theory is that all these languages originated from one language, or at least there were a bunch of coexisting ones, but only one mongrel prevailed (in a similar way to people starting). But when was this, and who were these people?
When Did Language Start
It all started with a Big Bang about 13.7 billion years ago (±0.14). After a split second of quark soup, we got radioactive subatomic particle soup which took hundreds of thousands of years of simmering for actual atoms to coalesce. After a few hundred million years, galaxies formed, which promptly started manufacturing stars, and the stars manufactured the chemicals we all know and love, and are made of. Our galaxy formed around that time, about 13 billion years ago, although taking a few billion years to assume its present spiral structure, but our sun formed much later, appearing about 5 billion years ago.
The rightmost scale of the accompanying graph is (almost) linear time. Nothing much was going on in the universe except star formation and aliens going about their usual day-to-day business. The earth formed about 4.6 billion years ago, and after almost another billion years, life finally formed (think wads of bacteria in shallow parts of oceans). After another couple of billion years rolled by, algae formed, and various inexplicable slimy things (Ediacara). Eventually, about half a billion years ago, life as we know it began to proliferate, with lush vegetation and all manner of creepy crawly thingies. Mammals actually appeared about the same time as dinosaurs, but kept well out of the way, until a big meteor nuked all the dinosaurs. The thus-liberated ratty creatures took a mere 5 million years to evolve into primates, but 8 to evolve into real rodents, and 10 for bats. And hominids finally made their appearance, along with grasses, 25 million years ago.
Humans escaped from chimpanzees about 5-7 million years ago, though in modern parlance, we speak of sharing a common ancestor at that time back in the plio-Pleistocene era. The earliest actual Australopithecus fossil dates back to about 5 million years ago, and the earliest Homo erectus fossils date back to perhaps almost 2 million years ago, and evidence of modern humans Homo sapiens date back no earlier than a mere 200,000 years.
Homo erectus (Peking Man, Java Man) survived until 50,000 years ago, and Homo neanderthalensis (Neanderthals) survived until 30,000 years ago. But it was Homo sapiens (us) who survived solely, until mere moments ago.
Three precipitous things occurred with the advent of modern humans: an astonishingly rapid increase in intelligence or sophistication (your mileage may vary), and along with that, culture and language. The evidence for these comes also from three sources: anthropology, DNA testing, and linguistics. Most of the above comes from stones and bones. DNA testing of people of today has allowed scientists to create a family tree, then by measuring the variation, deduce when there was a common ancestor, and also the relationship between the various ethnic groups. For females, the DNA measured is in the mitochondria, small organelles that pass unchanged, apart from random mutations, from mother to daughter. For males, the DNA measured is on the Y chromosome. Mitochondrial Eve appears in Africa about 130,000 years ago, and Y-chromosome Adam about 59,000 years ago.
Similarly, the linguistic measurement traces the variation in related groups of languages back to a supposed common language, and this language with other such-derived languages back to another common language, all the way back to the original language. All three methods, of thus tracing the original humans and their ultimate dispersal around the planet, produce excellently consistent results, but with enough inconclusivity to keep the raging academic fires burning fiercely.
Migrations out of Africa began possibly as late as 50,000 years ago. Although Europe was thus populated about 40,000 years ago, the ice age squoze them out of the main part of Europe until around 16,000 years ago, when they were let back in. Farming was invented around 10,000 years ago the Middle East area, and these folks spread into Europe around 8000 years ago, where they would have encountered the original people (who did all those cool paintings in France), still hunting and gathering. God was invented by this time, just in time to create the creationists, about 6000 years ago on 23rd October 4004 BC.
Some linguists have surmised that language began about 150,000 years ago, and that this language, termed proto-World, diverged as humans spread around the world. So, in this scenario, language appeared with modern humans kind of at around the same time that culture and sophistication suddenly flourished, and culture is seen as a measure of modern consciousness. So the big question is, did consciousness beget language, language beget consciousness, or did they both arise hand in hand?
Which would mean, by the way, that my earlier claim about rhyming slang is patently false, because, Mr Anderson, what good is rhyming if you are unable to speak?
So we’ve populated Europe and Asia with nattering humans, and history begins about 10,000 years ago when farming was invented in the middle east. These folks spread east and west, taking farming with them. In this way it entered Europe about 8000 years ago, and was apparently gradually adopted by the indigenous hunter-gathers in Britain 6000 years ago.
It was previously thought that the Kurgans were the progenitors of Indo-European. They were an agricultural and warlike people from south Russia, as far back as 7000 years ago, spreading to Danube area of Europe and beyond (3500 BC), and arriving in the Adriatic region before 2000 BC. However, the Indo-European proto-language is now thought to have emerged amongst a loose collection of clans in Anatolia (the eastern end of Turkey) 6000 years ago, and from there diffusing many directions, including around the Caspian and Black Seas and in to Europe. Over time it diverged to become most of the European languages of today, such as the Celtic, Italic, and Germanic languages.
Picts
Legend has it that Morgaine, King Arthur’s lover and petite half-sister, was part Pictish, which explained her mysterious ways, psychic abilities, and small dark complexion.
Little is known of the Picts whose language died out in the 10th century, almost without trace, as the people merged with the Scots. Bede says that they were originally Scythians (north of the Black Sea, or Scandanavians?) who sailed to Ireland, picked up wives, and continued to the then fertile shores of Scotland in some remote time.
In the early 1950s, F. T. Wainwright collected everything known about them in The Problem of the Picts. The only criticism was that the problem in the title was singular. Many historians said the Picts shouldn’t exist, but were thwarted by sparse but persistent evidence. A mystique continues, despite a recent survey, The Age of the Picts by W. A. Cummins, which provides all answers presently knowable.
Brief History of English
Old English 450-1100 (Germanic)
So the Saxons arrived in 449 AD. As it happens, they were invited to help the various and sundry British tribes defend themselves, now that the Romans were gone, against the ever pillaging Picts, who kept dashing over Hadrian’s wall and rushing back again with their loot and booty, occasionally assisted by the Scots from Ireland. Although, it took no time for the Saxons to side with the Picts, chase the British tribes off to the extremities, and use the land for themselves.
The Celts were eventually pushed back to Wales in the west, and Cornwall in the southwest. In the 5th centuary, some Irish invaded southwestern Scotland, and in the 6th century a large group from South Wales and Cornwall emigrated to Brittany in northern France, where they still speak Breton. This is the Britain as described by Bede.
Today, Scottish Gaelic is spoken in Scotland, Irish Gaelic is spoken in Ireland, and Welsh is spoken in Wales. Manx (Irish Gaelic influenced by Norse) was spoken in the Isle of Man until the middle part of this century (last native speaker was Ned Maddrell who died on 12th December 1974). Cornish was spoken in Cornwall until (inscription on gravestone): "Here lies interred Dorothy Pentreath who died in 1777 said to have been the last person who conversed in the Ancient Cornish the peculiar language of this county from the earliest records till it expired in the eighteenth century in this parish of Saint Paul".
As a result, Old English is predominantly Anglo-Saxon, with very few Celtic words adopted into the language (about a dozen p-Celtic and three or so q-Celtic words).
Old English also borrowed from church Latin (~450 words) and from Old Norse (~50 words). 7th century Christian missions to Britain brought learning and literacy, initially entirely in Latin, but an Old English written language did emerge in the northeast and in the West Saxon kingdom of Alfred the Great in the second half of the 9th century.
The first known written English sentence, "This she-wolf is a reward to my kinsman," is an Anglo-Saxon runic inscription on a gold medallion (about the size of a 50¢ piece) found in Suffolk, dated about AD 450-480.
By 750 AD Old English had evolved into a distinct language separate from the original speech of the Angles and Saxons. Of the 1000 most frequently used words today 83% are of Old English origin. Of our remaining vocabulary about 30% are Anglo-Saxon survivals. Tens of thousands of our current words are of French and Latin origin.
From the 8th to the 11th centuries, Vikings plundered lands adjacent to the Baltic and North Seas, including northeast England. The Danish King Cnut conquered Norway and England, usurping the English throne, in the early 11th century. Large numbers of Scandinavians settled in England throughout the Old English period, giving the language several thousand common words.
As well as most alphabetic characters we use today, Old English included ash æ /a/, thorn þ /th/, eth ð /dh/, and (Runic) wynn w /w/. The þ and ð are still present in Icelandic, and the æ in Danish and Norwegian.
Middle English: 1100-1500 (Germanic + Romance)
With his invading Normans in 1066, William the Conqueror established French domination. They were originally Danes (‘Northmen’) who had settled the northern coast of France (Normandy) in the 8th and 9th centuries.
All Old English nobility were wiped out. Norman French became the language of the aristocracy and the government (Normanized Latin was used in government, church and learning), and English remained the speech of the masses. So until about 1200 England was bilingual, when many French words were absorbed into English. (English: ox, sheep, swine, calf, and deer. French: beef, mutton, pork, veal, and venison.)
By the mid-1300s, English had reasserted itself, with a statute enacted in Parliament in 1362 that all lawsuits be conducted in English. French became a cultivated rather than a native language. The Hundred Years’ War (1337-1453) meant French was the language of the enemy. The Black Death (1349-50), which killed off 30% of the people, increased the economic importance of the labouring classes and with it the importance of their language (not to mention their immune systems).
Geoffrey Chaucer (1340-1400): Chaucer’s English (the variety or dialect spoken in London) established itself as the standard. However, from 1250 to 1400, English adopted the greatest number of French words (40%), and of the nearly 10,000, 75% are still in use.
It also changed in fundamental ways, especially in pronunciation and grammar (becoming simpler), from highly inflected (Germanic) to very analytical (modern). Some dialects retain some of the early pronunciations for a few words (/doon/ for down in northern England and Scotland).
The Great Vowel Shift
Think of how we say our five vowels (ay, ee, ai, oh, (y)oo) and how we pronounce them phonetically (as in bad, bed, bid, bod, bud). This is an echo of the shift in pronunciation of vowels from (Old and) Middle English to more or less what we use now, and it occurred in various stages mainly during the 13th to the 17th centuries. Linguists refer to this change as The Great Vowel Shift. Spelling of (Old and) Middle English was very phonetic, and was effectively standardised with the advent of printing (William Caxton 1475). But after the shift, spelling was no longer consonant with pronunciation, a situation which continues, and exasperates English learners.
Most of the vowels (apparently, 18 out of 20) changed, some completely, and others just when in relation to certain consonants (/english/ → /inglish/). The long vowels changed from Middle English to modern, as follows: vowel example
i: → a ɪ
tyme /teem(ə)/ → time
u: → ɑʊ
cou /koo/ → cow
e: → i:
/fet/ → feet
o: → u:
goos /gohs/ → goose
ɛ: → i:
deel, dele /del/ → deal
ɔ: → oʊ, əʊ
ston /storn/ → stone
a: → eɪ
/nam(ə)/ → name
The cardinal vowel chart (see cardinal system at the end of the pronunciation chapter) shows the same changes as the table, and indicates the approximate time when the changes took place. Notice that changes generally started at the top and moved down. Essentially, as changes were occurring, vowels had to remain distinct for clarity, which is why they had to make room for each successive change, and they had to be intelligible across two or three generations, which would modulate the process. In England but not America, noticeable short-vowel changes include the pronunciation of the first vowel in clerk, Derby, and Berkshire to rhyme with star. Some vowels didn’t change in all areas. For instance in northern Britain and Canada, the original oo [u] and oh [əʊ] vowel in words like house, down, and about are still pretty much unchanged. In England the or [ɔ] vowel can still be heard in older upper class accents in words like cloth, off, cross, and often.
Early Modern English: 1500-1700 (Elizabethan, Shakespeare, Renaissance)
In 1476, William Caxton (1422-1491) set up the first printing press in Westminster Abbey. By 1640, 20,000 titles had been printed (mostly in London) in English. This pushed English, written and spoken, towards a standard form. The Dictionary was produced, notably Samuel Johnson’s in 1755 (which he did on his own time!).
1650-1800: The Age of Reason (Augustan Age), characterized by a strong sense of order and value of standards and regulations. The language of this time is recognizable today. The ‘Great Vowel Shift’ occurred, along with spelling reform. A strong central government used English as the national language for all purposes, despite the revival of the classics.
Latin and Greek were the most important sources of new words, followed by French, Italian, and Spanish. Most Latin and Greek introductions were deliberate attempts by 16th and early 17th century writers to enrich the language, to elevate ‘low’ English. Words also came in from 50 other languages, largely due to the expansion of the British Empire.
19th Century English: 1700-1900 (No change – just expansions)
Grammar was standardised, continuing a standardising trend. The Industrial Revolution and the Victorian Age. Words began to come to England from the colonies, especially America. English dialect terms became Standard English.
American English
The first settled English colony was in Jamestown, Virginia in 1607 – contemporaries of William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Francis Bacon (1561-1626), Christopher Marlowe (1564-1593) and John Donne (1572-1631). By the 18th century, American was recognized as distinct from British English. The earliest sign is perhaps the absorption of Indian words, almost exclusively from the Algonquian speaking tribes. American also borrowed many words from Africans brought in with the slave trade, and European immigrants, but they tended to be regional: African in the South, French in Louisiana, Spanish in the Southwest, German in Pennsylvania, and Dutch in New York, with Spanish being the most pervasive. Yiddish has contributed differently to both American and British.
Many words and pronunciations died out in England but survive in American. Words adopted new meanings in the new world. Great changes were wrought in 20th century American, with global economic, political, and technological prominence.
The main differences between American and British are vocabulary and pronunciation. There are slighter differences in spelling, pitch and stress. This is borne out in this (not exhaustive) dictionary, where about 60% of the differences are nouns (vocabulary) and 20% are spelling differences. Interestingly, although American is more tolerant of neologisms, written American tends to be stricter in grammar and syntax.
Modern English: 1900-2000
Science and technology, the entertainment industry, the world wars, and the car, have all contributed to the English lexicon. Formations – self-explaining compounds, Greek and Latin compounds, borrowings from other languages, deliberate coinages, extending meaning of current words, slang, and acronyms – are used ever more frequently.
brown maple leaf
i have a dry, brown maple leaf
in my hand ...
she was growing older
her eyes weaker
it was cold
the wind was blowing
she stood alone in her garden
leaning hard, against the fence
this was the only free hour she had
early before they all awoke
she'd worked for years this way until
she'd forgotten how hard it once was, until it was routine
she cooked she cleaned and there were all those kids
shopping, mending, clothes, homework, cuts, bruises, fevers, fights
and yesterday she overheard
a friend asked her eldest what whats ur mum
and he said ...
nothing.
she thought about it now as the sun woke up
unnoticed, a little tear slipped out
she thought of the work she'd done before
when she'd been a girl, a woman, a human ... not just mom
suddenly there was a sound behind
one of them woke up and called ....
a desperation in the sound ... mom ... like the end of the world
and she ran in ... all thoughts forgotten
that was the moment, this maple leaf fell
somewhere else in the universe ...
in my hand ...
she was growing older
her eyes weaker
it was cold
the wind was blowing
she stood alone in her garden
leaning hard, against the fence
this was the only free hour she had
early before they all awoke
she'd worked for years this way until
she'd forgotten how hard it once was, until it was routine
she cooked she cleaned and there were all those kids
shopping, mending, clothes, homework, cuts, bruises, fevers, fights
and yesterday she overheard
a friend asked her eldest what whats ur mum
and he said ...
nothing.
she thought about it now as the sun woke up
unnoticed, a little tear slipped out
she thought of the work she'd done before
when she'd been a girl, a woman, a human ... not just mom
suddenly there was a sound behind
one of them woke up and called ....
a desperation in the sound ... mom ... like the end of the world
and she ran in ... all thoughts forgotten
that was the moment, this maple leaf fell
somewhere else in the universe ...
red maple leaf
i have a red, maple leaf
in my hand ...
it was cold
the wind was blowing
u were standing
leaning hard, against ur car
u'd driven madly, without destinations
till the voices in your head had stopped
then pulled up at this lonely spot
resplendant with the blush of fall
silent. deserted
where even the crickets called
and then came the tears
like a hurricane
shivering, trembling, shaking, tearing apart
not gentle rain. but dangerous storm
the world went went black
the world went blank
time lost meaning
life lost meaning
who were were
u dont know anymore
everything was over
she was gone
that was the moment, this maple leaf fell
somewhere else in the universe ...
in my hand ...
it was cold
the wind was blowing
u were standing
leaning hard, against ur car
u'd driven madly, without destinations
till the voices in your head had stopped
then pulled up at this lonely spot
resplendant with the blush of fall
silent. deserted
where even the crickets called
and then came the tears
like a hurricane
shivering, trembling, shaking, tearing apart
not gentle rain. but dangerous storm
the world went went black
the world went blank
time lost meaning
life lost meaning
who were were
u dont know anymore
everything was over
she was gone
that was the moment, this maple leaf fell
somewhere else in the universe ...
congratulations ...
it seems im destined to be late for every important birthday this year. yesterday i missed the birthday of one of my dearest blog-pals. she actually had to remind me it was her birthday! this is someone who in strange indescribable ways has been there for me ever since she's been there for me. someone i care about, trust, admire - funnily enough - if u can care about , trust, admire someone u barely know ... but then whats knowing anyway?
she writes so wonderful. she thinks in such beautiful ways. she is so cool, so comfortable - to be with & with herself, so caring, so fun ...
she always asks me if im eating properly. funny - that makes me feel kind of nice. she's almost like my virtual adopted mommy :)
on your birthday ...
u should celebrate the completion of another year of having given the world, ur world such a beautiful gift ... by being alive.
u should celebrate a new year where you joined the ranks of 'prero's favourite humans' - a very elite club
u should celebrate the completion of another year of living in india - one of the most interesting places to be
u should celebrate the completion of another year of being a woman
u should celebrate the completion of another year of being a daughter
u should celebrate the completion of another year of survival
u should celebrate the completion of another year of reading
u should celebrate the completion of another year of being a friend (and what a friend)
heres to you ... HAPPY BIRTHDAY sweetie.
she writes so wonderful. she thinks in such beautiful ways. she is so cool, so comfortable - to be with & with herself, so caring, so fun ...
she always asks me if im eating properly. funny - that makes me feel kind of nice. she's almost like my virtual adopted mommy :)
on your birthday ...
u should celebrate the completion of another year of having given the world, ur world such a beautiful gift ... by being alive.
u should celebrate a new year where you joined the ranks of 'prero's favourite humans' - a very elite club
u should celebrate the completion of another year of living in india - one of the most interesting places to be
u should celebrate the completion of another year of being a woman
u should celebrate the completion of another year of being a daughter
u should celebrate the completion of another year of survival
u should celebrate the completion of another year of reading
u should celebrate the completion of another year of being a friend (and what a friend)
heres to you ... HAPPY BIRTHDAY sweetie.
Wimbledon .... AWESOME!
theres a strange light in the sky today
the moon glows like a blushing bride
theres a strange magic in the air today
wish u were by my side
i stood alone on the crowded road
and looked at the moon behind castle-rock
then a jealous cloud floated across
and hid her in a purple mist
i waited a while and then giving up,
was just about to walk on home
when she popped out again
as though smiling impishly
silly moon, it was way too soon
wouldve gladly waited eternity
pardon the corny poetry but the sky is so beautiful its quite gone to my head! im drunk on beautiful the world is.
life is beautiful. there is pain. like agony tearing out your stomach. there is failure, shame, anger, restless dissatisfaction, humger for something ... unknown unseen ... teasing, taunting, from a distance. but you never just quite know what it is ... BUT those are just fleeting, in the end. like the purple clouds. behind them, the great big expanse of life ... is dazzlingly beautiful, and its all mine. tonight ...
but its hard to be this way always. hard to forget. its hard to forgive. its hard to be as kind to yourself as you can be to anyone else. and unfortunately, no one else can ever do it for you.
on the lighter side, had a wonderful weekend. saw wimbeldon. brilliant. reminded me why i have always had a brit fixation. im looking fwd to bridget jones 2. i love all 3 of those people!
a shameful admission ... i always cry at movies :( whatever the movie is i just forget its a movie and i laugh and cry and for those few hours, i forget that i have my own individual seperate life outside. i lose myself. i love that.
the moon glows like a blushing bride
theres a strange magic in the air today
wish u were by my side
i stood alone on the crowded road
and looked at the moon behind castle-rock
then a jealous cloud floated across
and hid her in a purple mist
i waited a while and then giving up,
was just about to walk on home
when she popped out again
as though smiling impishly
silly moon, it was way too soon
wouldve gladly waited eternity
pardon the corny poetry but the sky is so beautiful its quite gone to my head! im drunk on beautiful the world is.
life is beautiful. there is pain. like agony tearing out your stomach. there is failure, shame, anger, restless dissatisfaction, humger for something ... unknown unseen ... teasing, taunting, from a distance. but you never just quite know what it is ... BUT those are just fleeting, in the end. like the purple clouds. behind them, the great big expanse of life ... is dazzlingly beautiful, and its all mine. tonight ...
but its hard to be this way always. hard to forget. its hard to forgive. its hard to be as kind to yourself as you can be to anyone else. and unfortunately, no one else can ever do it for you.
on the lighter side, had a wonderful weekend. saw wimbeldon. brilliant. reminded me why i have always had a brit fixation. im looking fwd to bridget jones 2. i love all 3 of those people!
a shameful admission ... i always cry at movies :( whatever the movie is i just forget its a movie and i laugh and cry and for those few hours, i forget that i have my own individual seperate life outside. i lose myself. i love that.
all set up
i have joined the library! so i feel normal and settled now. all i need is a cellphone :)
i have internet access here, so hopefully now i should be able to update my blog regularly, do the blogroll AND check my hotmail atleast once a week
its a beautiful cold saturday. i like the cold. its a welcome change specially now - cz things are really heating up at work!
today is lilacs birthday ... Happy Birthday Lilac
Also birthday of two dear friends - Brat and Asmita ... 24th and 25th. Dunno if I will be able to reach them but just in case u read this a very Happy Birthday to you!
There was a time when i couldnt imagine missing a close friends Birthday. but now i often do it. there was a time when i used to be so excited about birthdays ... my own or anyone elses ... but i guess as the years wear on ... they become less and less imp to all of us.
But on ur birthday 2 of u i wish i could have spoken to you. but i couldnt get near a phone. hope it was wonderful. hope the new year brings you EVERYTHING u may wish for and make you very very happy. Mita - wish u a little wisdom ... may you grow up atleast a little bit :) brat - happiness and may u not keep growing so "buddha" and serious. and lots of love and laughter
My own birthday is now just too months away. A horrible year is almost at its end. probably the nastiest of my life in some ways. surprisingly sweet in others. what will the next bring? old age!
I have made two mamoth decisions recently. both will change the world as i know it. feel a little scared. was strangely scared and thoughtful and a little sad yesterday. one of those days when u wish there was a friend near at hand. to sit quietly with, sharing silence and comfort. dunno what i was scared of though. i get those moods onec in a while. the world seems so big. life seems so long. and i, tiny and alone. but after all the rain last night the skies are clear and sunny today. and im as illogically happy as i was illogically sad.
This morning I heard an old favourite song blaring in a cafe as i walked down the road. joni mitchell ...
Bows and flows of angel hair and ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere, i've looked at cloud that way.
But now they only block the sun, they rain and snow on everyone.
So many things i would have done but clouds got in my way.
I've looked at clouds from both sides now,
From up and down, and still somehow
It's cloud illusions i recall.
I really don't know clouds at all.
Moons and junes and ferris wheels, the dizzy dancing way you feel
As every fairy tale comes real; i've looked at love that way.
But now it's just another show. you leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know, don't give yourself away.
I've looked at love from both sides now,
From give and take, and still somehow
It's love's illusions i recall.
I really don't know love at all.
Tears and fears and feeling proud to say "i love you" right out loud,
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds, i've looked at life that way.
But now old friends are acting strange, they shake their heads, they say
I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day.
I've looked at life from both sides now,
From win and lose, and still somehow
It's life's illusions i recall.
I really don't know life at all.
on days like this i wanna stay at home and watch "love actually" or "four weddings and funeral" "hi fidelity" or "when harry met sally". and laugh and cry and be happy and sentimental all day long
i have internet access here, so hopefully now i should be able to update my blog regularly, do the blogroll AND check my hotmail atleast once a week
its a beautiful cold saturday. i like the cold. its a welcome change specially now - cz things are really heating up at work!
today is lilacs birthday ... Happy Birthday Lilac
Also birthday of two dear friends - Brat and Asmita ... 24th and 25th. Dunno if I will be able to reach them but just in case u read this a very Happy Birthday to you!
There was a time when i couldnt imagine missing a close friends Birthday. but now i often do it. there was a time when i used to be so excited about birthdays ... my own or anyone elses ... but i guess as the years wear on ... they become less and less imp to all of us.
But on ur birthday 2 of u i wish i could have spoken to you. but i couldnt get near a phone. hope it was wonderful. hope the new year brings you EVERYTHING u may wish for and make you very very happy. Mita - wish u a little wisdom ... may you grow up atleast a little bit :) brat - happiness and may u not keep growing so "buddha" and serious. and lots of love and laughter
My own birthday is now just too months away. A horrible year is almost at its end. probably the nastiest of my life in some ways. surprisingly sweet in others. what will the next bring? old age!
I have made two mamoth decisions recently. both will change the world as i know it. feel a little scared. was strangely scared and thoughtful and a little sad yesterday. one of those days when u wish there was a friend near at hand. to sit quietly with, sharing silence and comfort. dunno what i was scared of though. i get those moods onec in a while. the world seems so big. life seems so long. and i, tiny and alone. but after all the rain last night the skies are clear and sunny today. and im as illogically happy as i was illogically sad.
This morning I heard an old favourite song blaring in a cafe as i walked down the road. joni mitchell ...
Bows and flows of angel hair and ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere, i've looked at cloud that way.
But now they only block the sun, they rain and snow on everyone.
So many things i would have done but clouds got in my way.
I've looked at clouds from both sides now,
From up and down, and still somehow
It's cloud illusions i recall.
I really don't know clouds at all.
Moons and junes and ferris wheels, the dizzy dancing way you feel
As every fairy tale comes real; i've looked at love that way.
But now it's just another show. you leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know, don't give yourself away.
I've looked at love from both sides now,
From give and take, and still somehow
It's love's illusions i recall.
I really don't know love at all.
Tears and fears and feeling proud to say "i love you" right out loud,
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds, i've looked at life that way.
But now old friends are acting strange, they shake their heads, they say
I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day.
I've looked at life from both sides now,
From win and lose, and still somehow
It's life's illusions i recall.
I really don't know life at all.
on days like this i wanna stay at home and watch "love actually" or "four weddings and funeral" "hi fidelity" or "when harry met sally". and laugh and cry and be happy and sentimental all day long
growing old
all my life she has been there for me. now she is leaning on me. its a paradigm shift so huge that i cant get oer it. can i do it? can i be there for her? have to. no other way. she wont even tell anyone else. not even her daughter
i ate fish. on my own. feels strange. no one took it out for me. i just ate the whole thing. im growing up ;)
i ate fish. on my own. feels strange. no one took it out for me. i just ate the whole thing. im growing up ;)
missed the bus
i was waiting for a particular bus
i thought i had missed it
so i got up on another bus ...
but it was going in an entirely different direction
as soon as i reaised, i got off
as i got off i saw my bus
pass the bus stop ...
so i did miss my bus after all ...
i could do two things ... walk all the way home
saying, i missed my - bus so i wont take another
or i could take a bus that would take me part of the way
so is half a ride better than none?
if u go to a shop and they are out of stock of what u want
do u buy whatever they have? or do u say ok and come back home?
i thought i had missed it
so i got up on another bus ...
but it was going in an entirely different direction
as soon as i reaised, i got off
as i got off i saw my bus
pass the bus stop ...
so i did miss my bus after all ...
i could do two things ... walk all the way home
saying, i missed my - bus so i wont take another
or i could take a bus that would take me part of the way
so is half a ride better than none?
if u go to a shop and they are out of stock of what u want
do u buy whatever they have? or do u say ok and come back home?
starry starry night
every night, as i walk back home i pass the palace, to my right. it stands with its glowing light, rising out of the surrounding gardens and parks which are immersed in darkness. i am almost shivering. its cold. the wind is sharp like 14 knives slashing through, chilling its way deep down inside me. my face feels stretched, weird, funny. the roads are almost deserted. i sing to myself as i walk on the cobbled streets. just before i reach home, i glance up. the sky is a picture of clear, deep, cerullean. its full of stars. i had forgotten there were so many stars. and they look like someone spilled a box of sparkles all over blue velvet carpet. i feel like calling the next person i see on the road and sharing the thought. its hard to enjoy so much beauty alone. but theres no one on the streets. so i walk on home. and i sing to myself, its a beautiful world.
if wishes were horses ...
Something in the way she moves
Attracts me like no other lover
Something in the way she woos me
I don’t want to leave her now
You know I believe her now
Somewhere in her smile she knows
That I don’t need no other lover
Something in her style that shows me
Don’t want to leave her now
You know I believe her now
You’re asking me will my love grow
I don’t know, I don’t know
You stick around now it may show
I don’t know, I don’t know
Something in the way she knows
And all I have to do is think of her
Something in the things she shows me
im feeling blue
im no good - good for nothing
eevryones good for something ...
im feeling down
i got no body
everyones got somebody
then i remembered. You can have everything or anything u want in life. but u gotto pay for it. and u gotto know. just what u want. then its urs. be careful what u wish for. ur wishes might come true. Last night I lay awake wishing ...
I wish I was a good-decent person
I wish I wasgoing out with / married to / or otherise setup "with" "THE PERFECT MAN" (as per List A or revised List B)
I wish I was drop-dead-gorgeous (or maybe just plain not-fat-black-ugly as sin)
i wish i wasnt hurt as easily as I am - or atleast that I did not cry as easily and in PUBLIC and specially while out walking alone on the streets AND SPECIALLY for reasons which are SO SILLY that they make ME laugh later ...
I wish I didnt have such INTENSE likes and dislikes in people (or anything, for that matter) or that I didnt care so much for everyone I liked
I wish I didnt ever ver feel scared bcz there were lots of new people in the room
I wish I was awfully good at something. Or even tolerably good would do
had brains
was thing
had tapeworms (so that I could eat and still be thin )
Could speak French / Urdu / German and one arabic language
I wish I had four kids
I wish I had a black BMW
I wish I had a dalmation, a great dane, a cocker spaniel and a german shephard
A slab of chocolate, a coffee and a uknowwhat to consume at any given time
rainy weekend
i feel like ive been walking ever since i came to edinburgh ... beautiful cold cold day. shopped walked and now chilling at friends place and getting mass ragged - as usual :)
its a beautiful life!
:)
its a beautiful life!
:)
now ....
its done. but i dont know if i did the right thing. i really have no clue. guess thats the thing about life ... you cant sit on the fence forever. you have to jump -one way or the other. You'll never know till u hit the floor, or not, or hit something nasty all together - whether u jumped the right way or wrong
what if it was all a huge mistake? wish i had someone to talk to. someone with any sense at all. someone who would understand. i guess i mean, jinx or munal or rahul or rahul or chatts or ad ... or a fellow lean-ee. but they're all so far away ... and no one else will do.
why are we all so scared of loneliness? why are we so scared of making wrong decisions. of making mistakes. or why am I so scared. "it all turns out same in the end", doesnt it? "it all balances out" :) thats what I say to everyone else.
im confused. im puzzled. i have no clue what will happen now. but im also hopeful. maybe it will something nice ... :)
the night is long
but it ends, in the end
the night is dark,
but stars still shine
and once in a while the moons alight
and its all right, in the end
what if it was all a huge mistake? wish i had someone to talk to. someone with any sense at all. someone who would understand. i guess i mean, jinx or munal or rahul or rahul or chatts or ad ... or a fellow lean-ee. but they're all so far away ... and no one else will do.
why are we all so scared of loneliness? why are we so scared of making wrong decisions. of making mistakes. or why am I so scared. "it all turns out same in the end", doesnt it? "it all balances out" :) thats what I say to everyone else.
im confused. im puzzled. i have no clue what will happen now. but im also hopeful. maybe it will something nice ... :)
the night is long
but it ends, in the end
the night is dark,
but stars still shine
and once in a while the moons alight
and its all right, in the end
of men and marraiges
questions on my mind right now:
is it better to be "better" and lonely
than messed up and together?
is it better to keep waiting for the fairytale
or is half a romance better than none
can anyone be happy with anyone at all
provided they work at it hard enough - or do u need synchronised matches
if someone really truly loves you and u still feel unsatisfied
and this goes on and on for two long yrs is there something wrong with you or the reln
wish life came with a lookup dictionary!
CAUTION: THIS WONT MAKE SENSE TO ANYONE BUT ME. Theres one and only one cause for all my miseries ... I have no f clue what i want in life :)
But now i guess i can safely do what i want? Or not. Is this what i want or is it what i feel like having right now. If i walk - it will be too late to come back later ... What?
If u were in a relationship for ever-so-long, but u always still feel single - is there something wrong with u, or the relnship? How much and how long can u try to fix a reln, to make it work? Or just make love, out of nothing at all
is it better to be "better" and lonely
than messed up and together?
is it better to keep waiting for the fairytale
or is half a romance better than none
can anyone be happy with anyone at all
provided they work at it hard enough - or do u need synchronised matches
if someone really truly loves you and u still feel unsatisfied
and this goes on and on for two long yrs is there something wrong with you or the reln
wish life came with a lookup dictionary!
CAUTION: THIS WONT MAKE SENSE TO ANYONE BUT ME. Theres one and only one cause for all my miseries ... I have no f clue what i want in life :)
But now i guess i can safely do what i want? Or not. Is this what i want or is it what i feel like having right now. If i walk - it will be too late to come back later ... What?
If u were in a relationship for ever-so-long, but u always still feel single - is there something wrong with u, or the relnship? How much and how long can u try to fix a reln, to make it work? Or just make love, out of nothing at all
wonderful weekend
i had a great weekend. shopped for the house and also got some books cheap at bargain books and i saw a movie - terminal - tom hanks. it was great. lots of work. will write more later
of houses and homes
i found a house. its in a place called silver mills. its incredibly pretty.
but i dont like it. its too 'done up' and its too pre-done and its too new.
what i love is the old vis mansions but they're too expensive :(
im tired of gypsy feet. im looking forward to finding a home someday. something just a bit more permanent. something to come back to, however far you may roam. something mesy. something noisy. that smells like something nice is cooking. that looks like a lot of people live here and have lots of fun. that u share with people u love. so it comes round to that in the end. its the people who live in a house, that make it a home. so what im looking forward too, i guess are the people who feel like home.
adit, chatts, barb, sauce, juls ... everyones settled down. im the last man standing. sometimes i think its like some people just have an aptitude for happiness, they are always happy no matter what. and vice versa. similarly some people just have an aptitude for love. And I dont. Im great at friendship but Im just lousy at love ... I just cant handle it, This Crazy little thing called love.
i know its a lie
i know its a game
i know we're not lovers, you and i
i know it wont last long,
but before it has gone
it hurts, it burns, its lost in dreams, its Wrong!
I know the its mad
I know its silly
I know its nothing really, except all thats bad
But while its here,
While Im lost in these deep dark backlanes of my soul
While there is a dream and a memory
Of losing myself in your eyes so sweet
While I still think of you last thing at night
Wake up to a prayer of meeting you soon
While I still cry, when you are cold
And while I still sing whenever you smile
While my heart crashes whenever you come a little closer
And stops when you wander too far ...
But while its still here,
Its overwhelming me, dear
But I know its nothing,
just a little crush
but i dont like it. its too 'done up' and its too pre-done and its too new.
what i love is the old vis mansions but they're too expensive :(
im tired of gypsy feet. im looking forward to finding a home someday. something just a bit more permanent. something to come back to, however far you may roam. something mesy. something noisy. that smells like something nice is cooking. that looks like a lot of people live here and have lots of fun. that u share with people u love. so it comes round to that in the end. its the people who live in a house, that make it a home. so what im looking forward too, i guess are the people who feel like home.
adit, chatts, barb, sauce, juls ... everyones settled down. im the last man standing. sometimes i think its like some people just have an aptitude for happiness, they are always happy no matter what. and vice versa. similarly some people just have an aptitude for love. And I dont. Im great at friendship but Im just lousy at love ... I just cant handle it, This Crazy little thing called love.
i know its a lie
i know its a game
i know we're not lovers, you and i
i know it wont last long,
but before it has gone
it hurts, it burns, its lost in dreams, its Wrong!
I know the its mad
I know its silly
I know its nothing really, except all thats bad
But while its here,
While Im lost in these deep dark backlanes of my soul
While there is a dream and a memory
Of losing myself in your eyes so sweet
While I still think of you last thing at night
Wake up to a prayer of meeting you soon
While I still cry, when you are cold
And while I still sing whenever you smile
While my heart crashes whenever you come a little closer
And stops when you wander too far ...
But while its still here,
Its overwhelming me, dear
But I know its nothing,
just a little crush
immortality
I came across this poem in immortality and fell in love with it ...
Theres a movie on this guy by leo dicaprio - Total Eclipse (1995)
Sensations..by Arthur Rimbaud
In the blue summer evenings, I will go along the paths,
And walk over the short grass, as I am pricked by the wheat:
Daydreaming, I will feel the coolness on my feet.
I will let the wind bathe my bare head.
I will not speak, I will have no thoughts:
But infinite love will mount in my soul;
And I will go far, far off, like a gypsy,
Through the country side - joyous as if I were with a woman.
i like this books so much. thank you rahul. and more so bcz it was given to me by my puppies - well rahul, actually, but i cant think of them except in the plural. i miss them like ... something u miss so much u darent think about it ... my little puppies. my sunshine. the little angels baby toddler lovers :)
and some more verse ...
this moment will pass.
this place, left behind.
nor you, nor me, will stand here again.
but this instant will be remain,
floating in time,
when i fleetingly looked into your eyes.
there are no invisible silver threads between our souls
nothing between us, nor was, nor will be
you're more a stranger than a stranger on the street
but just for an instant, there was something i wasnt sure of
a question, The answer, the look in ur eyes
just one instant, which had some kind of immortality
Theres a movie on this guy by leo dicaprio - Total Eclipse (1995)
Sensations..by Arthur Rimbaud
In the blue summer evenings, I will go along the paths,
And walk over the short grass, as I am pricked by the wheat:
Daydreaming, I will feel the coolness on my feet.
I will let the wind bathe my bare head.
I will not speak, I will have no thoughts:
But infinite love will mount in my soul;
And I will go far, far off, like a gypsy,
Through the country side - joyous as if I were with a woman.
i like this books so much. thank you rahul. and more so bcz it was given to me by my puppies - well rahul, actually, but i cant think of them except in the plural. i miss them like ... something u miss so much u darent think about it ... my little puppies. my sunshine. the little angels baby toddler lovers :)
and some more verse ...
this moment will pass.
this place, left behind.
nor you, nor me, will stand here again.
but this instant will be remain,
floating in time,
when i fleetingly looked into your eyes.
there are no invisible silver threads between our souls
nothing between us, nor was, nor will be
you're more a stranger than a stranger on the street
but just for an instant, there was something i wasnt sure of
a question, The answer, the look in ur eyes
just one instant, which had some kind of immortality
how long will this last
i think there are some things you cant let go off once they get into ur head ...
like guilt: how could i have said that. how could i have hurt her like tha, how did i ever do that ... that was ME!!??!!
like regret: i wish i hadnt made this decision. i cant believe i actually thought it would work out this way. i wish id studied a BIT. if id only not pissed him off like that. why did i buy that stupid thing. how could i forget my cookbook!
like greed hunger need ... i need a coffee RIGHT now, bcz i want like a coffee RIGHT now, , bcz i feel like a coffee RIGHT now
like desire: how would it feel to hug a certain somebody
we go from desire to want to need to right ... so easily. before we know it we have convinced ourselves we are wretched, miserable, deprived souls. its so hard to remember., life doesnt really owe us anything at all, does it? life is meant to be hard. life is meant tobe a battle.
i remembered this today bcz i sang it in my faourite hym when i woke up ... 'not for ever, by still waters, would we idly rest and stay. but would smite the living fountains from the rocks along our way. father hear the prayer we offer, not for ease the prayer shal be. but for strength that we may ever, live our lives courageously'
imagine the irony of someone who has long prayed for trials ... on his knees, broken, trying to wash away the marks of failure with his tears ;0)
its one of those phases when im ridiculously happy. i walk around with a silly grin on my face. its crazy - bcz i have every reason to be miserable! im broke. im not getting ANYWHERE at work, im back in the same emotional messi was in a few months agao ... can someone pls explain it to me .... why am i so happy? this scares me. bcz it almost always brings the HUGE fall up ahead. will i screw up tomorrow?
ur eyes are a window to ur soul
why do u look at me like that?
my eyes are windows to my sould
i cant look into my eyes
i need to know whats on my mind
whats making me cry and laught, in turns, all the while
i need to know, why suddenly
i feel so defeated, so lost, and broken
i need to find a friend
i could never stand alone
i need to care, i need someone, always
to love, to care for, wherever i am
like guilt: how could i have said that. how could i have hurt her like tha, how did i ever do that ... that was ME!!??!!
like regret: i wish i hadnt made this decision. i cant believe i actually thought it would work out this way. i wish id studied a BIT. if id only not pissed him off like that. why did i buy that stupid thing. how could i forget my cookbook!
like greed hunger need ... i need a coffee RIGHT now, bcz i want like a coffee RIGHT now, , bcz i feel like a coffee RIGHT now
like desire: how would it feel to hug a certain somebody
we go from desire to want to need to right ... so easily. before we know it we have convinced ourselves we are wretched, miserable, deprived souls. its so hard to remember., life doesnt really owe us anything at all, does it? life is meant to be hard. life is meant tobe a battle.
i remembered this today bcz i sang it in my faourite hym when i woke up ... 'not for ever, by still waters, would we idly rest and stay. but would smite the living fountains from the rocks along our way. father hear the prayer we offer, not for ease the prayer shal be. but for strength that we may ever, live our lives courageously'
imagine the irony of someone who has long prayed for trials ... on his knees, broken, trying to wash away the marks of failure with his tears ;0)
its one of those phases when im ridiculously happy. i walk around with a silly grin on my face. its crazy - bcz i have every reason to be miserable! im broke. im not getting ANYWHERE at work, im back in the same emotional messi was in a few months agao ... can someone pls explain it to me .... why am i so happy? this scares me. bcz it almost always brings the HUGE fall up ahead. will i screw up tomorrow?
ur eyes are a window to ur soul
why do u look at me like that?
my eyes are windows to my sould
i cant look into my eyes
i need to know whats on my mind
whats making me cry and laught, in turns, all the while
i need to know, why suddenly
i feel so defeated, so lost, and broken
i need to find a friend
i could never stand alone
i need to care, i need someone, always
to love, to care for, wherever i am
reached edinburgh
no time for a long post cz im in a net shop
and im near broke
looking for a place
the city is pretty / old / cool-ish
and i can see why ma found it boring ;)
the place im staying now is a b&b in the centre of town
desperately looking for a place to stay nearabouts
i like being in city centres :)
lots of work. first deadline this monday! and its all so new to me - hope i can cope
will write again as soon as im a bit settled!
every where is different,
everywhere's the same
people are still people
places are still places
lovers still kiss
children still make ur heart ache
flowers bloom
the sun still teases
the hearts still hungry
the mind doesnt know what for
the feet are still restless
one day ill find a place called home
and im near broke
looking for a place
the city is pretty / old / cool-ish
and i can see why ma found it boring ;)
the place im staying now is a b&b in the centre of town
desperately looking for a place to stay nearabouts
i like being in city centres :)
lots of work. first deadline this monday! and its all so new to me - hope i can cope
will write again as soon as im a bit settled!
every where is different,
everywhere's the same
people are still people
places are still places
lovers still kiss
children still make ur heart ache
flowers bloom
the sun still teases
the hearts still hungry
the mind doesnt know what for
the feet are still restless
one day ill find a place called home
once more upon the waters
leaving for edinburgh, scotland for a year and a half. leaving on saturday 28th aug most probably. where i work, "u never know till you go" :)
dont know what tomorrow holds. its totally a leap into the unknown. feeling a bit weird about leaving home again. dont wanna go. yet theres nothing nice to do here work wise. and thats really frustrating.
looking back, workwise the assignment in the US was probably the nicest i have ever had. it was a perfect fit. ofcourse, it didnt feel that way at that time :)
i dont know how this will turn out. i am a bit scared. im not really known for my fantastic performance at work. but this is something new and i hope i can atleast, give it my best. the boss is the second best in the company ... the best being my boss in bristol. or so i think now - ask me again after ive been there a while ;)
right now i barely have breathing time. and im down with a flu on top of it. dunno when im leaving as we havent got tickets yet. dunno if im making one HUGE mistake, having heard everything about the scene there. but why do people always tell u these things too late :)
once again, im on my own. i dont know a soul where im going. but then, thats the good part of it, maybe ;)
dont know what tomorrow holds. its totally a leap into the unknown. feeling a bit weird about leaving home again. dont wanna go. yet theres nothing nice to do here work wise. and thats really frustrating.
looking back, workwise the assignment in the US was probably the nicest i have ever had. it was a perfect fit. ofcourse, it didnt feel that way at that time :)
i dont know how this will turn out. i am a bit scared. im not really known for my fantastic performance at work. but this is something new and i hope i can atleast, give it my best. the boss is the second best in the company ... the best being my boss in bristol. or so i think now - ask me again after ive been there a while ;)
right now i barely have breathing time. and im down with a flu on top of it. dunno when im leaving as we havent got tickets yet. dunno if im making one HUGE mistake, having heard everything about the scene there. but why do people always tell u these things too late :)
once again, im on my own. i dont know a soul where im going. but then, thats the good part of it, maybe ;)
i could write the saddest poem tonight ...
why do we get attached when we shouldnt. why do we get personal about things that arent personal. that dont belong to us. its just a job. thats what everyone says. and thats the way it should be.
one thing i have realised is that in most places how happy u are or how well or badly you do has nothing whatsoever to do with how good or bad you are at your work
i never thought i will end up in a corporate scene. id always wanted to be in academics. but i didnt make it. and now im stuck here. and i hate it. and i love it. and i hate it ... whats the difference anyway :)
one thing i have realised is that in most places how happy u are or how well or badly you do has nothing whatsoever to do with how good or bad you are at your work
i never thought i will end up in a corporate scene. id always wanted to be in academics. but i didnt make it. and now im stuck here. and i hate it. and i love it. and i hate it ... whats the difference anyway :)
here i come again
im back home again
it was a nice trip
no net access so cant wrote much
but i met austere, jo, jill and i couldnt meet rich :(
it was wonderful!
whereever i go drama and these horrible intense 'situations'
follow me. and i dont know whether to laugh or cry
its my world, my people, my friends and family - who are like this
the people i meet from outside are so sane. but i guess part of me loves it like that. must be.
i met belzeebub. he looks like a twelve year old! but we had fun. olypub and blue fox. beef steaks and beer. and adda. good times :)
i met chatts
dont know how long its been
i feel ... dunno
i cried all night when sauce was getting married
felt weird. and now this.
ill be on my own. totally
but ads still there.
whatever
i met him yesterday. he comes when i call
in my hour of weirdest need
turned out my fears were false.
but still im scared
have too much faith in my bad luck and my misfortunes
i dont want it this way. please please please no
dont feel like going anywhere
last night was heaven.
felt like we were on the phone all night long
but i checked the timer - ever practical me
and it was only 40 mins
i meant what i said
wanted to say more, why's and hows and when's
but theres never words, is there?
its been so long. we've been friends
i owe so much. to all of you. all my friends. you keep me alive.
wanna see brat. very much. been bugging him to come over
lets see what happens
might meet rahul soon ... dunno though if ill still be here
life is so beautiful as summer gets going!
it is still summer. issnt it? or are we in autumn already ;)
it was a nice trip
no net access so cant wrote much
but i met austere, jo, jill and i couldnt meet rich :(
it was wonderful!
whereever i go drama and these horrible intense 'situations'
follow me. and i dont know whether to laugh or cry
its my world, my people, my friends and family - who are like this
the people i meet from outside are so sane. but i guess part of me loves it like that. must be.
i met belzeebub. he looks like a twelve year old! but we had fun. olypub and blue fox. beef steaks and beer. and adda. good times :)
i met chatts
dont know how long its been
i feel ... dunno
i cried all night when sauce was getting married
felt weird. and now this.
ill be on my own. totally
but ads still there.
whatever
i met him yesterday. he comes when i call
in my hour of weirdest need
turned out my fears were false.
but still im scared
have too much faith in my bad luck and my misfortunes
i dont want it this way. please please please no
dont feel like going anywhere
last night was heaven.
felt like we were on the phone all night long
but i checked the timer - ever practical me
and it was only 40 mins
i meant what i said
wanted to say more, why's and hows and when's
but theres never words, is there?
its been so long. we've been friends
i owe so much. to all of you. all my friends. you keep me alive.
wanna see brat. very much. been bugging him to come over
lets see what happens
might meet rahul soon ... dunno though if ill still be here
life is so beautiful as summer gets going!
it is still summer. issnt it? or are we in autumn already ;)
on my way back home
bombay has been wonderful. but im so glad im flying back tomorrow!
i met jonaki & her friends, rajesh and his friends, chatts & chris, jill, austere, dipti di and her family
couldnt meet malo, mintoo, jo, rich, fgs :(
made a new friend. and spoke to someone very very very special after a longf time. on the phone. all the way in the us
now im all excited. im going home. gonna see kiddo & teddy. man! im so kicked - ill burst! lol. its probably gonna be not half as 'wonderful' as im thinking it would be? i have a funny thing with people - i cant be 'semi' pally. most of my pals - either i totally love you - or u could die and i wouldnt care (though chances are - these days - it wont show on my face). there are very few people who are in the neutral zone. yeah - i guess its a scorp thing.
is it really you
ur a stranger
i keep saying ur the same
but u sound like someone else
i went back there
the roads we walked
the place i tried the splendour the first time
where i laughed, where u cried
where we drove around all night,
u showing me
everyplace u ever lived
so strange
ur a stranger now
i cant even think about it
i cant even dream about it
but i cant forget. cant ever forget
it was such a big mistake
but now the years have gone.
and now the times have changed
we live different lives
we are different people
lost somewhere, sometime
who we were then
still holding on
desperately
trying to stay friends
always. with everyone. its the same.
yesterday fights today fights tomorrow
as you try to grow
i met jonaki & her friends, rajesh and his friends, chatts & chris, jill, austere, dipti di and her family
couldnt meet malo, mintoo, jo, rich, fgs :(
made a new friend. and spoke to someone very very very special after a longf time. on the phone. all the way in the us
now im all excited. im going home. gonna see kiddo & teddy. man! im so kicked - ill burst! lol. its probably gonna be not half as 'wonderful' as im thinking it would be? i have a funny thing with people - i cant be 'semi' pally. most of my pals - either i totally love you - or u could die and i wouldnt care (though chances are - these days - it wont show on my face). there are very few people who are in the neutral zone. yeah - i guess its a scorp thing.
is it really you
ur a stranger
i keep saying ur the same
but u sound like someone else
i went back there
the roads we walked
the place i tried the splendour the first time
where i laughed, where u cried
where we drove around all night,
u showing me
everyplace u ever lived
so strange
ur a stranger now
i cant even think about it
i cant even dream about it
but i cant forget. cant ever forget
it was such a big mistake
but now the years have gone.
and now the times have changed
we live different lives
we are different people
lost somewhere, sometime
who we were then
still holding on
desperately
trying to stay friends
always. with everyone. its the same.
yesterday fights today fights tomorrow
as you try to grow
bombay calling
its seems like forever since i left calcutta. my calcutta. beautiful, intense, shining & so totally mine ...
its been a whirlwind here. so much to do workwise. and so many people to meet. met some old friends. and made some new friends. and i spoke to a very very very old friend. he is in the US. and im back here. dunno. life is weird.
spoke to mira, rich, jo ... but havent been able to meet up with them yet. ditto for mals. ditto for tamanna. ditto for chatts. wanna meet these people before i leave. but theres so little time.
then i should meet my family friends in vt. really want to. and my moms friends in bandra
wanted to revisit some old ghost haunted memories. but i wont have time. browsing tattered books at fountain. lazing at leopolds. sita phal ice cream. the club. the rooms at the oberoi. the cute little pool at leela. (lifes tough without daddy ;)sitting on the rocks on the beach. the bakery. fashion street ...
well, theres always a next time
its been a whirlwind here. so much to do workwise. and so many people to meet. met some old friends. and made some new friends. and i spoke to a very very very old friend. he is in the US. and im back here. dunno. life is weird.
spoke to mira, rich, jo ... but havent been able to meet up with them yet. ditto for mals. ditto for tamanna. ditto for chatts. wanna meet these people before i leave. but theres so little time.
then i should meet my family friends in vt. really want to. and my moms friends in bandra
wanted to revisit some old ghost haunted memories. but i wont have time. browsing tattered books at fountain. lazing at leopolds. sita phal ice cream. the club. the rooms at the oberoi. the cute little pool at leela. (lifes tough without daddy ;)sitting on the rocks on the beach. the bakery. fashion street ...
well, theres always a next time
the way we were
wouldnt it be nice if we could really live in the present. i know some of us manage pretty well, but a few are not so good or consistent with this skill
when i look back on my life till now, i see every colour, every shade in my memories. orange for fun & frolic, pink for love & laughter; red for anger & amor; grey for tears & trials; blue for the blues, purple for the strange lost days, black sins and pain; white for wisdom and peace. but given a choice, i wouldnt live one single day differently. 'got say it now - its been a good life all in all'
but the point here is that i look back. each moment i know, though i am, here and now, making memories i will look back on with fond longing some far away tomorrow, yet i spend a part of it looking over my shoulder at some long left behind yesterday.
through it all theres one thing i have realised. you never miss a place, time, person. i have gone back to all of them and found strangers where i had left bits and pieces of my heart. what we do miss is the way we were ... there,then, with them
we are different all the time. with different people, in different places, at different times. and we scatter our souls in the winds of our lives, spreading it everywhere we have touched, leaving bits and pieces of our selves every where we go.
wouldnt it be nice if we could collect all of us in space & time and be whole for that moment, that place.
a few more snaps at
i couldnt write in words how its raining. its like magic. the water. the light. the city. wish i could stay home and watch the 'way we were' ... or anything, for that matter
when i look back on my life till now, i see every colour, every shade in my memories. orange for fun & frolic, pink for love & laughter; red for anger & amor; grey for tears & trials; blue for the blues, purple for the strange lost days, black sins and pain; white for wisdom and peace. but given a choice, i wouldnt live one single day differently. 'got say it now - its been a good life all in all'
but the point here is that i look back. each moment i know, though i am, here and now, making memories i will look back on with fond longing some far away tomorrow, yet i spend a part of it looking over my shoulder at some long left behind yesterday.
through it all theres one thing i have realised. you never miss a place, time, person. i have gone back to all of them and found strangers where i had left bits and pieces of my heart. what we do miss is the way we were ... there,then, with them
we are different all the time. with different people, in different places, at different times. and we scatter our souls in the winds of our lives, spreading it everywhere we have touched, leaving bits and pieces of our selves every where we go.
wouldnt it be nice if we could collect all of us in space & time and be whole for that moment, that place.
a few more snaps at
i couldnt write in words how its raining. its like magic. the water. the light. the city. wish i could stay home and watch the 'way we were' ... or anything, for that matter
night ships in the mist
perhaps we are all like ships. and life is like a sea. i thought about this till early this morning. lying next to the gaping window, the skies outside washed in moonlight. awash. floating. shimmering. the window, the square hole in the walls was so huge; where i lay, was so near the edge; the room so dark; the world so still all around ... it seemed like i was floating through space - through your world, in capsule, in a bubble - in which i rode down from mine
people tell me i am mysterious. that i cant be known. or understood. i say - well, thank god. for ur sanities sake.
but i digress. lying there i found my self thinking about this: perhaps we are all like ships. and life is like a sea. endless analogies spun through my brain. we go through storms, we lose our way, we get slowed down in getting to tomorrows destination - bcz we need to stop and catch fish to eat today. we forget where we were heading. we end up in america's looking for india. funny thoughts, serious thoughts, crazy thoughts. its strange the kind of thoughts that will come into ur head at 3AM
but what really got me thinking this way is - that i had the loveliest weekend. im getting better everyday. every weekend. im getting stronger. soon i will be able to sail again. so we are like ships. our place is on the sea. not in port. but when we are on the sea - there's wear and tear. and when we get into port, if the damage is too much then we need to stay a while and get fixed up.
i saw JULIE last night. excellent story - a bit badly handled i thought. but im so glad i saw it all teh same. terribly explicit though! i could barely watch at times. and i saw 50 FIRST DATES. Brilliant. I loved it! Im dying to see kill bill 2 and 'double life of veronique'!!! WHAT a COMBINATION!
my new kolkata snaps ...
people tell me i am mysterious. that i cant be known. or understood. i say - well, thank god. for ur sanities sake.
but i digress. lying there i found my self thinking about this: perhaps we are all like ships. and life is like a sea. endless analogies spun through my brain. we go through storms, we lose our way, we get slowed down in getting to tomorrows destination - bcz we need to stop and catch fish to eat today. we forget where we were heading. we end up in america's looking for india. funny thoughts, serious thoughts, crazy thoughts. its strange the kind of thoughts that will come into ur head at 3AM
but what really got me thinking this way is - that i had the loveliest weekend. im getting better everyday. every weekend. im getting stronger. soon i will be able to sail again. so we are like ships. our place is on the sea. not in port. but when we are on the sea - there's wear and tear. and when we get into port, if the damage is too much then we need to stay a while and get fixed up.
i saw JULIE last night. excellent story - a bit badly handled i thought. but im so glad i saw it all teh same. terribly explicit though! i could barely watch at times. and i saw 50 FIRST DATES. Brilliant. I loved it! Im dying to see kill bill 2 and 'double life of veronique'!!! WHAT a COMBINATION!
my new kolkata snaps ...
got it atlast
been trying remember the name of two movies for months. saw them amongst the blur of movies i saw in the states - my mad movie rush! found the atlast ...
magnolia & sophies choice
awesome!
magnolia & sophies choice
awesome!
im back ...
i played with the template a while, but icouldnt really get it to do the stuff i wanted ... and after a bit i got fed up ... I wanted it like Michelle had done it before - a nice curly-wurly RICERCAR on top ... but its come out weird!
im reading inscrutable americans. it was funny for the first few pages. now its terribley boring. im going to finish it today and go back to global soul. i also have marquez AB to start ...
and loads of thinking to do. i need to decide by this weekend. ive been sitting on the fence too long. just going alone with life and not thinking, not deciding. we need to decide. ull never know if its the right decision - but you still gotto decide. another thing i realised is that i depend way to much on other peoples love and affection (or whatever) for my happiness. its ok if some people think ur a idiot. im not gonna go out of my way to 'be a friend' or make people happy or not hurt people anymore. like my most fav blogger reminded me ... fcuk fish - had enough fish - fcuk being nice. had enough. im not that much stronger than everyone else and everyone else is not that weak. and no wound is fatal. you cant mess up ur life cz someone will feel bad if u dont. like the monk said - in original sin - no one is innocent. no one is 'bechaara'.
i went to hyatt for dinner last night. it was so tiring that for a fraction of a sec i fell asleep standing! i woke up at 5:30. went to the gym. got back. went to work - morning shift. finished at 2 but stayed back for the roadshow. till 4. then ran around trying to trace the guy who had my IT Returns. Got home 6. Returned a million phone calls. Ma got back from work. Got a shouting for 'not being enthu about dressing up'. then we went for the dinner. made PC with hajaar people. food was nice. ok. not that great. fell asleep in the car on the way back!
i havent seen a movie since i got back to india. in the hall that is. i saw 'white' at home - it was awesome! i wanna see TAXI this weekend. its a french movie. its very funny. speaking of french movies - i feel like seeing 'breathless' again. im going to buy dvd's this weekend. maybe ill get red, blue, white & breathless and limelight. and ofcourse - high fidelity and pride and prejudice. lets see ...
to everyone who had commented on the previous posts - i couldnt reply cz I switched the comments to blogger-comments ... SORRY!!! :(
im reading inscrutable americans. it was funny for the first few pages. now its terribley boring. im going to finish it today and go back to global soul. i also have marquez AB to start ...
and loads of thinking to do. i need to decide by this weekend. ive been sitting on the fence too long. just going alone with life and not thinking, not deciding. we need to decide. ull never know if its the right decision - but you still gotto decide. another thing i realised is that i depend way to much on other peoples love and affection (or whatever) for my happiness. its ok if some people think ur a idiot. im not gonna go out of my way to 'be a friend' or make people happy or not hurt people anymore. like my most fav blogger reminded me ... fcuk fish - had enough fish - fcuk being nice. had enough. im not that much stronger than everyone else and everyone else is not that weak. and no wound is fatal. you cant mess up ur life cz someone will feel bad if u dont. like the monk said - in original sin - no one is innocent. no one is 'bechaara'.
i went to hyatt for dinner last night. it was so tiring that for a fraction of a sec i fell asleep standing! i woke up at 5:30. went to the gym. got back. went to work - morning shift. finished at 2 but stayed back for the roadshow. till 4. then ran around trying to trace the guy who had my IT Returns. Got home 6. Returned a million phone calls. Ma got back from work. Got a shouting for 'not being enthu about dressing up'. then we went for the dinner. made PC with hajaar people. food was nice. ok. not that great. fell asleep in the car on the way back!
i havent seen a movie since i got back to india. in the hall that is. i saw 'white' at home - it was awesome! i wanna see TAXI this weekend. its a french movie. its very funny. speaking of french movies - i feel like seeing 'breathless' again. im going to buy dvd's this weekend. maybe ill get red, blue, white & breathless and limelight. and ofcourse - high fidelity and pride and prejudice. lets see ...
to everyone who had commented on the previous posts - i couldnt reply cz I switched the comments to blogger-comments ... SORRY!!! :(
sick
not well. in bed since thursday ... so no net access. will have to wait to post ...
life keeps changing moods like the kaliedescope i played with on the balcony as a child ... life is so beatiful, light or dark
have u ever felt the world shrinking, condensing, falling, falling into you, as you stare on at the ceiling.
its so peaceful to be at home. in cal ...
life keeps changing moods like the kaliedescope i played with on the balcony as a child ... life is so beatiful, light or dark
have u ever felt the world shrinking, condensing, falling, falling into you, as you stare on at the ceiling.
its so peaceful to be at home. in cal ...
Flashback warm nights, Almost left behind. Pages of memories calling across time
I spent half my time searching for calvin and hobbes on the net ... bcz i was bored of trying to figure out the logic (?) behind weird spagetti code. well, i found this awesome online archive and this article ...
``Bill is both refreshingly different and exasperatingly different, depending on one's perspective,'' said Lee Salem, editorial director of Universal Press Syndicate, which distributes ``Calvin and Hobbes.'' ``I'm an editor, not a creative person. I think it's difficult for those of us not (creatively) inclined to judge what toll that takes on a person. With some of these people it's a toll they didn't want to pay anymore.''
THE REST OF THE ARTICLE AT www.sfgate.com/ea/carroll/1230.html
Ive heard of this happening to other people, but this is the first time its happened to me!
I LOST A POST!!!!
anyway - here what i was writing about ... i found a lot of old diaries and poems and stuff at home and ive been having a lot of fun going through them. then i started reading the blogs right from the start ... its not so bad. all u gotto do is remember that ur everyone else might be reading it too :)
its funny ... may 2003 i wrote two posts about rajesh ... it was so nice to reread that now! and i liked these two bits too ... same period ... may 2003:
Friday, May 16, 2003
Ive got maxims on my mind ...
and voices in my head
as times goes on u realise the opposite of love is never hatred
because hatred is just another form of love
the opposite of love is indifference ...
like the opposite of existence is non existence and not disease ...
we are such fools
not merely happy with the fact that our friends do love us
we also put conditions on how and why?
everything u see, everything u hear
nothing is at it seems
everything is a test
everything is a clue
everyone u meet
everyone u see
no one should be trusted
no one is a friend
Sunday, May 04, 2003
... and another soul stirring memory. I was walking home from the bus stop in bristol one day. balmy evening. winds blowing all around. this is near the city centre and used to talk all kinds of weird by lanes ... a new one each time & there were so many! god I loved that city so. anyway, so its about 9 pm and the sky is just about beginning to fade to darker shades ... Im walking ... its cold ... and I have one of those "I'm all alone in this world & thank god" feelings. Im walking by this huge church and SUDDENLY there are lights inside & the bells start chiming .. I cant explain this ... but it was exquisite. The sounds of the bells floated all around in the air till I felt like I was dancing in a cloud of song & the whole world was so beautiful and I was SO GRATEFUL I was alive & alone & free
Wednesday, May 14, 2003
"And If you truly did drown? In life?
Would that be fascinating too?
Slowly sinking down down dark deep.
Into the stomach off a sweet blue intensity.
And then, night, night forever?
But a soft white glow Ill leave behind.
And it will keep glowing forever?"
``Bill is both refreshingly different and exasperatingly different, depending on one's perspective,'' said Lee Salem, editorial director of Universal Press Syndicate, which distributes ``Calvin and Hobbes.'' ``I'm an editor, not a creative person. I think it's difficult for those of us not (creatively) inclined to judge what toll that takes on a person. With some of these people it's a toll they didn't want to pay anymore.''
THE REST OF THE ARTICLE AT www.sfgate.com/ea/carroll/1230.html
Ive heard of this happening to other people, but this is the first time its happened to me!
I LOST A POST!!!!
anyway - here what i was writing about ... i found a lot of old diaries and poems and stuff at home and ive been having a lot of fun going through them. then i started reading the blogs right from the start ... its not so bad. all u gotto do is remember that ur everyone else might be reading it too :)
its funny ... may 2003 i wrote two posts about rajesh ... it was so nice to reread that now! and i liked these two bits too ... same period ... may 2003:
Friday, May 16, 2003
Ive got maxims on my mind ...
and voices in my head
as times goes on u realise the opposite of love is never hatred
because hatred is just another form of love
the opposite of love is indifference ...
like the opposite of existence is non existence and not disease ...
we are such fools
not merely happy with the fact that our friends do love us
we also put conditions on how and why?
everything u see, everything u hear
nothing is at it seems
everything is a test
everything is a clue
everyone u meet
everyone u see
no one should be trusted
no one is a friend
Sunday, May 04, 2003
... and another soul stirring memory. I was walking home from the bus stop in bristol one day. balmy evening. winds blowing all around. this is near the city centre and used to talk all kinds of weird by lanes ... a new one each time & there were so many! god I loved that city so. anyway, so its about 9 pm and the sky is just about beginning to fade to darker shades ... Im walking ... its cold ... and I have one of those "I'm all alone in this world & thank god" feelings. Im walking by this huge church and SUDDENLY there are lights inside & the bells start chiming .. I cant explain this ... but it was exquisite. The sounds of the bells floated all around in the air till I felt like I was dancing in a cloud of song & the whole world was so beautiful and I was SO GRATEFUL I was alive & alone & free
Wednesday, May 14, 2003
"And If you truly did drown? In life?
Would that be fascinating too?
Slowly sinking down down dark deep.
Into the stomach off a sweet blue intensity.
And then, night, night forever?
But a soft white glow Ill leave behind.
And it will keep glowing forever?"
confused
if you're unhappy, you can be cheered up
if you're stuck, you can be helped out
if you're dont know how to get what you want, you can be showed the way
but if you dont know what you want ... theres nothing anyone can do to help you!
if you're stuck, you can be helped out
if you're dont know how to get what you want, you can be showed the way
but if you dont know what you want ... theres nothing anyone can do to help you!
i fell in love with this little snippet ...
"In the back of the file, I found a yellowed cartoon I’d clipped from the newspaper. It’s Snoopy, opening his mailbox. Dear Contributor, states the letter he reads. We are returning your stupid story. You are a terrible writer. Why do you bother us? We wouldn’t buy one of your stories if you paid us. Leave us alone. Drop dead. Get lost. In the last square, Snoopy rests on his doghouse. Probably a form rejection slip, he thinks.
Oh, yeah. Snoopy knows where to file that rejection. His dream is protected, his heart is in tact. File that letter under H for Hope, that dream-sustaining elixir, the Holy Grail of publishing."
from Roxanne St. Claire’s first novel, 'TROPICAL GETAWAY'.
speaking of peanuts ... sally rather reminds me of barbie and guess who marcie reminds me of!
sleepy
im so sleepy i can hardly concentrate! but i know if i could lie down now i wouldnt be able sleep ...
i was up till two last night. for the first time ... i had a waking nightmare. a truck. a accident. blood. death and rahul in kolkata! weird ...
just feel asleep. had barely fallen asleep when i was woken by the phine. 4 am. sos calls dont watch the time. but im glad. im there if u needme. who ever the hell u are. after all thats all im semi good for ;)
went to the terrace. and sat in the ring. ram-da's jasmine floated heavy all around ...
came down, checked on ma. checked on munal. my little kiddies ... said sorry for the fight ... she smiled in her sleep. first smile in ages. mamma. the biggest kiddo in the world. how i lose my temper when i lose it. my hands shake. my legs shake. and my voice goes low and cold. i could kill someone then in a rage. pills used to be scared every day. thats id kill someone .... was tempted only once. i hate people who sneak into ur privacy. who break codes and passwords to investigate. but i guess, its only human. we must tolerate. forgive. accept. and then we must tolerate their abuses in turn!
anyway then i walked the the kitchen. didnt find anything. the ghost who walks. then i drifted off to sleep just as the alarm went. gym at 6 ... ouch!
drove to work half asleep. i used to have so many friends here. do i not have them anymore or is it my imagination? whats friendship? how much of a shelf-life does it have anyway? whats love, affectation, crushes and whats the expiry date on a promise?
one thought on my mind since sunday ... i wish i could be an angel! wish ihad the authority to walk up to anyone and say 'hello ... why u do you look so crushed.' ... to help. to talk. to wrap them up in clouds of comfort. heal them and let them fly again ... but i cant. when u sit there. looking so sad. i can even say ... friend - its ok. how could i? i barely know you. but i prayed for u. u will be better. soon.
and this is my LAST personal post here!
Oh, yeah. Snoopy knows where to file that rejection. His dream is protected, his heart is in tact. File that letter under H for Hope, that dream-sustaining elixir, the Holy Grail of publishing."
from Roxanne St. Claire’s first novel, 'TROPICAL GETAWAY'.
speaking of peanuts ... sally rather reminds me of barbie and guess who marcie reminds me of!
sleepy
im so sleepy i can hardly concentrate! but i know if i could lie down now i wouldnt be able sleep ...
i was up till two last night. for the first time ... i had a waking nightmare. a truck. a accident. blood. death and rahul in kolkata! weird ...
just feel asleep. had barely fallen asleep when i was woken by the phine. 4 am. sos calls dont watch the time. but im glad. im there if u needme. who ever the hell u are. after all thats all im semi good for ;)
went to the terrace. and sat in the ring. ram-da's jasmine floated heavy all around ...
came down, checked on ma. checked on munal. my little kiddies ... said sorry for the fight ... she smiled in her sleep. first smile in ages. mamma. the biggest kiddo in the world. how i lose my temper when i lose it. my hands shake. my legs shake. and my voice goes low and cold. i could kill someone then in a rage. pills used to be scared every day. thats id kill someone .... was tempted only once. i hate people who sneak into ur privacy. who break codes and passwords to investigate. but i guess, its only human. we must tolerate. forgive. accept. and then we must tolerate their abuses in turn!
anyway then i walked the the kitchen. didnt find anything. the ghost who walks. then i drifted off to sleep just as the alarm went. gym at 6 ... ouch!
drove to work half asleep. i used to have so many friends here. do i not have them anymore or is it my imagination? whats friendship? how much of a shelf-life does it have anyway? whats love, affectation, crushes and whats the expiry date on a promise?
one thought on my mind since sunday ... i wish i could be an angel! wish ihad the authority to walk up to anyone and say 'hello ... why u do you look so crushed.' ... to help. to talk. to wrap them up in clouds of comfort. heal them and let them fly again ... but i cant. when u sit there. looking so sad. i can even say ... friend - its ok. how could i? i barely know you. but i prayed for u. u will be better. soon.
and this is my LAST personal post here!
pome
i was made of glass, when i was born, yet i thought i was so strong
and now ive turned to stone
ill cut you if u break me, ill hurt u if u hurt me, though hold me in the sun,
theres light and rainbows all around
im transparent. im clear, unclouded
u see in me what YOU want to see
ive been bitten by all the little birds, i sheltered from the storm
now all i want is to be alone
im broken, cracked, shattered, scattered, parts of me lost in the wind
i need to turn. to turn to stone.
and now ive turned to stone
ill cut you if u break me, ill hurt u if u hurt me, though hold me in the sun,
theres light and rainbows all around
im transparent. im clear, unclouded
u see in me what YOU want to see
ive been bitten by all the little birds, i sheltered from the storm
now all i want is to be alone
im broken, cracked, shattered, scattered, parts of me lost in the wind
i need to turn. to turn to stone.
if pigs could fly ...
if we could get, on demand
either death, or a second chance
if we could chose what we bore
and what lit up the smiles we wore
if every dog had a day
if we got something, for every price we pay
if love was even, in give and take
or if love came alone, without want, or ache
if everyone loved cats and dogs
and all the old and the children never hurt
if music and humour were universal
and if i could write ... to save my life ;)
another weekend. each friday i tell myself that monday will never come. but it does. thank god. imagine how boring life would be with nothing to crib about :)
so much has happened - as always - i have much to write about. but not here. this blog has become too public. so ill hold it for a while as far as this ones concerned.
either death, or a second chance
if we could chose what we bore
and what lit up the smiles we wore
if every dog had a day
if we got something, for every price we pay
if love was even, in give and take
or if love came alone, without want, or ache
if everyone loved cats and dogs
and all the old and the children never hurt
if music and humour were universal
and if i could write ... to save my life ;)
another weekend. each friday i tell myself that monday will never come. but it does. thank god. imagine how boring life would be with nothing to crib about :)
so much has happened - as always - i have much to write about. but not here. this blog has become too public. so ill hold it for a while as far as this ones concerned.
forward
i received these two fwds early this morning. couldnt resist ...
Sometimes... when you cry... no one sees your tears.
Sometimes... when you are in pain... no one sees your hurt.
Sometimes... when you are worried... no one sees your stress.
Sometimes... when you are happy... no one sees your smile.
- But FART!! just ONE time... And everybody knows!!
Gotcha!! You thought it was going to be one of those heart-touching stories!
BUT THE BEST IS:
http://www.ircuser.org/files/monkey.swf
Sometimes... when you cry... no one sees your tears.
Sometimes... when you are in pain... no one sees your hurt.
Sometimes... when you are worried... no one sees your stress.
Sometimes... when you are happy... no one sees your smile.
- But FART!! just ONE time... And everybody knows!!
Gotcha!! You thought it was going to be one of those heart-touching stories!
BUT THE BEST IS:
http://www.ircuser.org/files/monkey.swf
the da vinci code
im reading this book which i just cant seem to put down. its almost down. i read 424 pages in between saturday morning and sunday morning ... after which i had to be out with the family ... but theres no rahul to gloat so ... :)
its really exciting. it talks about chirst and mary magadelan and a secret sect called the priori of scion and the knights templar.
the last time i read something that seemed so exciting AND real was 'mary queen of scotts' ... but who knows whats true. like the book says ... history instrinsically means the story of he who won. who knows what really happened. but its a fascinating read.
its really exciting. it talks about chirst and mary magadelan and a secret sect called the priori of scion and the knights templar.
the last time i read something that seemed so exciting AND real was 'mary queen of scotts' ... but who knows whats true. like the book says ... history instrinsically means the story of he who won. who knows what really happened. but its a fascinating read.