for my little one?

packed in drawers
with the rest of childhood,
hidden in blue-lined books
with formulas and equations,
untouched for years,
and gnawed at by a growing family of termites,
this time home coming,
i found these words,
and the dedication,
for my little one.

"We, the wild falcons of these skies,
the soft orphans of these tumultuous times,
the sweet, intoxicating, poison-hearted, wicked-thorned
Wildflowers of the desert of progress,

We, with delicate bright and fragile petals
with burning acid centers that sear you when u reach them,
much disguised, too late to draw out, to draw out whole,
caveat-emptor, proceed at your your own risk

Will we ever find a home in the Garden
of the Gentle & Wise Gardener
with leather gloved Hands
Will we ever, find our way back to heaven

He was the witch, with the magic potion
The Lord of good and bad
the searing burning deforming goodness
the last hope & salvation
the only one who could save us
could i reach you in time
before you sold out
the price, to learn submission
and faith

The full moon, one night old
the hungry winds screaming down deserted roads
dried and shriveled hearts
empty and drained souls
flashing down the deserted night
a lone peregrine, gray and white
dreams, gone with yesterday
hopes, dead with the last week
but red flames run behind
to even look back would be scorching
to keep running on is the only way left open
into the welcoming heart of the deep dark sea

and then I saw you in the meadow
Night painted dark the hedgerow
No silver moon shone that night
All the light was in from your eye
I stopped and dipped into those eyes

A break in our forever forward strides
You held my hand and made me stop
Something made my heartbeat drop
But i cud never be still for long enough
Shrugged off the feeling and we walked off
Still i knew u remained
somewhere along the road
sometimes a little ahead sometimes behind
not holding hands, not mating lips
but ur were there
somewhere on the same path
we have destinies to fulfil
long way to walk, you and me

i dreamt of a faery
ethereal in the night
i dreamt of clouds
glowing with light
i dreamt of u
i draemt that u died
i dreamt of me going on
empty inside



and this:

It was a deep stormy night
You slept through that night, peaceful
I kept watch
I never saw you, had not really known you
But I knew u were so small & vulnerable
I could feel you
I do not know who you are, do not know how you are
lone star in the dark of the night, sweeter by far
than anything I ever deserved
u came to me for love & safety
i knew that much, yet i drove you away
i had too
now it hurts so much to think of you and all the joy we could have had, together
I will hold this pain forever
I'll never forget you
lone star in the dark of the night,
sweeter by far than anyone anywhere.
sweet child, sweet smile,
big big brown eyes.
gentle and soft,
trusting & lost.
home and safe a night before,
now lost and wandering for evermore.
gone forever, only to remain
in my heart, as a bittersweet pain.



"why?

why was the world created
and populated with life
and made, each so beautiful
and i put in it
if i cant write about it ...
i feel the beauty like a knife in my heart
it moves me so ...
life all around
seasons changing
places turning
people live, dying, growing.
but i? i cant write about it"