happiness

i hate saying no to people i like, but though i can give everything i cant give myself. how do you give that you never had?

happiness? it was never my forte. its too light. too thoughtless. too airy. nsubstancial. like a lemon souffle. i dont like lemon souffles. i like rich dark chocolate.

a happy post. what is happiness. is is joy? or is it peace? or is it satisfaction? we cant hold it in our words, substantiate it. we cant even understand it. atleast i cant

what kind of happiness? giddy, early morning, im the king of the world happiness? tired and sated, end of the day - sinking to well earned rest kind of happiness? or just there inside me all the time - peaceful kind of happiness?

how does happiness show? how does it manifest? so often when im happy i am also pensive, thinking, brooding. and people ask my "why are you so gloomy". so often im so miserable im hysterical. laughing, joking, mirth edged with desperation. & people say "i love it when ur so bright".

so tell me what is happiness? how does it come through?