if i could live my life again
all over from the start
would i not make the same mistakes
play safer with my heart
if i could live my life again,
would i have never met you?
that could never be. its worth the pain
its all that makes life beautiful ... even if its over in a minute or two ...
i saw it!i saw it!i saw it!i saw it!i saw it!i saw it!
Finding Nemo ... Id been hearing So much about it
and I was so convinced Id never get to see it bcz the people I go with dont like "cartoon type" movies
but I begged / I pleaded / I cajoled .. and guess what ... they liked it too ... THO he wouldnt admit it :)
but I dont wanna gloat - its enuff that I saw it!
Finding Nemo ... Id been hearing So much about it
and I was so convinced Id never get to see it bcz the people I go with dont like "cartoon type" movies
but I begged / I pleaded / I cajoled .. and guess what ... they liked it too ... THO he wouldnt admit it :)
but I dont wanna gloat - its enuff that I saw it!
it was the unhappeninsgestest day of my life ... nothing happened ... ie nothing nice happened
after a long time I had some work
so I was shuttling between the intranet that we are supposed to be developing and testing in the lab for the new crm release and job abends building a pkg for my dll and cursing my boss and trying to build the webpage that my boss asked me to AND strange and critical user problems (by cob) ... blimeywhaddaday!
had to call rajesh to wish him happy birthday
first I got the time calculation wrong and called him in the middle of a meeting ...
then I called my dad by mistake and blasted his ears "happy birthday kiddo" before he could grouch his usual hellllllo
Then I called ... the right number, the right time ... bang on time ... and whaddyuknow ... it goes straight to Voice Mail!
notmydaytodayjustshudnthavegottenoutofbed ...
came home and 6 and popped of to the land of oz
woke up at 9
now lets see how the rest goes .. i gotto get out in the world and see if anyone will by kind and feed me dinner :)
after a long time I had some work
so I was shuttling between the intranet that we are supposed to be developing and testing in the lab for the new crm release and job abends building a pkg for my dll and cursing my boss and trying to build the webpage that my boss asked me to AND strange and critical user problems (by cob) ... blimeywhaddaday!
had to call rajesh to wish him happy birthday
first I got the time calculation wrong and called him in the middle of a meeting ...
then I called my dad by mistake and blasted his ears "happy birthday kiddo" before he could grouch his usual hellllllo
Then I called ... the right number, the right time ... bang on time ... and whaddyuknow ... it goes straight to Voice Mail!
notmydaytodayjustshudnthavegottenoutofbed ...
came home and 6 and popped of to the land of oz
woke up at 9
now lets see how the rest goes .. i gotto get out in the world and see if anyone will by kind and feed me dinner :)
NACHT MUZIC
went to a friends to eat raajma & rice
we then watched half of save the last dance for me & whole of legally blond
it was cute and funny actually
On my way back, there was a really nice breeze blowing and I didnt feel like going indoors just yet
so I went by to the pool and hung out there for a long long time
it was reallydeserted
around 23:30
and this house next to the pool has this awesome set of wind chimes
its huge and rings only when theres a very strong breeze blowing
it makes a Deep, low, heavy sound
today there was a strong breeze blowing
it sounds like munals (my sister) bhutanese bells
... thats another long story
basically our last big trip was driving bhutan / darj ... and munal fell in love with these monastary in paro
she would wake up every morning real early and walk all the way there to hear the bells
a "connection" ...
well she's a piscean :)
anyway, I digress ...
there was a strong wind blowing
and the place was surrounded by trees
and they were all moving in the breeze
and the wind made a funny sound going over the tennis courts right behind
and next to me the whirlpool / jacuzzi / whatever gurgled away
and the sky was so clear
a dark neon blue
a there were so many stars out
and for a moment I forgot everything and just remembered those last few fractions of time
beautiful night
heart stoppingingly beautiful
makes me think that beautiful can never be in just one dimension
its so much blended into one package
the time, the place, the sounds, the sights ...
went to a friends to eat raajma & rice
we then watched half of save the last dance for me & whole of legally blond
it was cute and funny actually
On my way back, there was a really nice breeze blowing and I didnt feel like going indoors just yet
so I went by to the pool and hung out there for a long long time
it was reallydeserted
around 23:30
and this house next to the pool has this awesome set of wind chimes
its huge and rings only when theres a very strong breeze blowing
it makes a Deep, low, heavy sound
today there was a strong breeze blowing
it sounds like munals (my sister) bhutanese bells
... thats another long story
basically our last big trip was driving bhutan / darj ... and munal fell in love with these monastary in paro
she would wake up every morning real early and walk all the way there to hear the bells
a "connection" ...
well she's a piscean :)
anyway, I digress ...
there was a strong wind blowing
and the place was surrounded by trees
and they were all moving in the breeze
and the wind made a funny sound going over the tennis courts right behind
and next to me the whirlpool / jacuzzi / whatever gurgled away
and the sky was so clear
a dark neon blue
a there were so many stars out
and for a moment I forgot everything and just remembered those last few fractions of time
beautiful night
heart stoppingingly beautiful
makes me think that beautiful can never be in just one dimension
its so much blended into one package
the time, the place, the sounds, the sights ...
interesting weekend on the whole
saw3 movies
good medium bad
alex and kate / confidence / down with love
slept most of it away
read a lot
ate some awesome homemade chicken.
at home.
thought a lot. like about whether I should take cable or not.
missed my first driving class
and then slept some more.
chatted with kid sister
she's apparently in love at last!
this time its rap (what next!)
eminem a.k.a marshal mathers
never heard of him before
got told of for being totally antique
and was summararily dismissed ...
spoke to dad
he's on a walkalot program
hes walking 5 kms a day
or I should say hes Back to walking 5kms a day
cz all our life we have been hearing about how when He was in school he has to Walk 5 kms a day to get there everyday
since I heard a lot of complains from both about ma
i didnt speak to ma cz Im sure she will have the adequate number of rejoinders and I didnt fancy having to sit thru the lot on International :)
saw3 movies
good medium bad
alex and kate / confidence / down with love
slept most of it away
read a lot
ate some awesome homemade chicken.
at home.
thought a lot. like about whether I should take cable or not.
missed my first driving class
and then slept some more.
chatted with kid sister
she's apparently in love at last!
this time its rap (what next!)
eminem a.k.a marshal mathers
never heard of him before
got told of for being totally antique
and was summararily dismissed ...
spoke to dad
he's on a walkalot program
hes walking 5 kms a day
or I should say hes Back to walking 5kms a day
cz all our life we have been hearing about how when He was in school he has to Walk 5 kms a day to get there everyday
since I heard a lot of complains from both about ma
i didnt speak to ma cz Im sure she will have the adequate number of rejoinders and I didnt fancy having to sit thru the lot on International :)
On Wenlock Edge
On Wenlock Edge the wood's in trouble;
His forest fleece the Wrekin heaves;
The gale, it plies the saplings double,
And thick on Severn snow the leaves.
'Twould blow like this through holt and hangar
When Uricon the city stood;
'Tis the old wind in the old anger,
But then it threshed another wood.
Then, 'twas before my time, the Roman
At yonder heaving hill would stare;
The blood that warms an English yeoman,
The thoughts that hurt him, they were there.
There, like the wind through woods in riot,
Through him the gale of life blew high;
The tree of man was never quiet--
Then 'twas the Roman, now 'tis I.
The gale, it plies the saplings double;
It blows so hard, 'twill soon be gone.
Today the Roman and his trouble
Are ashes under Uricon.
A.E. Housman (1859-1936)
On Wenlock Edge the wood's in trouble;
His forest fleece the Wrekin heaves;
The gale, it plies the saplings double,
And thick on Severn snow the leaves.
'Twould blow like this through holt and hangar
When Uricon the city stood;
'Tis the old wind in the old anger,
But then it threshed another wood.
Then, 'twas before my time, the Roman
At yonder heaving hill would stare;
The blood that warms an English yeoman,
The thoughts that hurt him, they were there.
There, like the wind through woods in riot,
Through him the gale of life blew high;
The tree of man was never quiet--
Then 'twas the Roman, now 'tis I.
The gale, it plies the saplings double;
It blows so hard, 'twill soon be gone.
Today the Roman and his trouble
Are ashes under Uricon.
A.E. Housman (1859-1936)
today was really nice ... after a long time
i got a lot of mails / phone calls / zonks ... happy :)
hogged a lot all day ... 3 tazzo chais (consider - its a half day for us on friday) and one big breakfast & spanish "mixture" / chanachur
now I got 2 and a half days offfff .. gonna finish orchid thief and start on the new hemmingway, clean up my home page, and kazaa like mad and Ill go to IHOP tonite
thats one of my new pets ... I love IHOP
i really must get a tv ... but thing is I know I wont do anything else at all eversince
CRAZY EVENING THOUGHTS
had gone to wal mart day before
deep in the night (okay - it was only 11:30) - but deep enough
it was so different ... different nice
people moving around were different. the looks on their faces were different and the sales people also seemed different
then we came out and I saw a most breath taking sight ...
slung way low on the hips of a deep dull cerulean sky was the most gorgeous gem of a moon
not full, but almost there
darker than Ive ever seen it before, it was almost ochre yellow
mottled like clotted cream
rich, glowing gold
and I thought to myself ... this is the perfect kind of sky for a desert ... there should have been a rolling desert below this ... with panting camels in hot chase ... and shrieks of bedouin heros filling the air ...
wish I could have hung around to watch the sunset but I had to run back home just then
ever thought about it? theres a kind of an see saw rythm to life
up again down again up again and so we go ....
i think im coimng out of the blues
just passed thru one of my benchmark gloomy sulky dismal patches
tho i tried not too let it show too much - except of course to my crib boards ... jinx / ma / munal / chatts
ever tried being bright and chirpy and a little giddy-dumb when u got these really profound dark gruesome thoughts running thru ur head ... its kind of fun in a twisted way
i got a lot of mails / phone calls / zonks ... happy :)
hogged a lot all day ... 3 tazzo chais (consider - its a half day for us on friday) and one big breakfast & spanish "mixture" / chanachur
now I got 2 and a half days offfff .. gonna finish orchid thief and start on the new hemmingway, clean up my home page, and kazaa like mad and Ill go to IHOP tonite
thats one of my new pets ... I love IHOP
i really must get a tv ... but thing is I know I wont do anything else at all eversince
CRAZY EVENING THOUGHTS
had gone to wal mart day before
deep in the night (okay - it was only 11:30) - but deep enough
it was so different ... different nice
people moving around were different. the looks on their faces were different and the sales people also seemed different
then we came out and I saw a most breath taking sight ...
slung way low on the hips of a deep dull cerulean sky was the most gorgeous gem of a moon
not full, but almost there
darker than Ive ever seen it before, it was almost ochre yellow
mottled like clotted cream
rich, glowing gold
and I thought to myself ... this is the perfect kind of sky for a desert ... there should have been a rolling desert below this ... with panting camels in hot chase ... and shrieks of bedouin heros filling the air ...
wish I could have hung around to watch the sunset but I had to run back home just then
ever thought about it? theres a kind of an see saw rythm to life
up again down again up again and so we go ....
i think im coimng out of the blues
just passed thru one of my benchmark gloomy sulky dismal patches
tho i tried not too let it show too much - except of course to my crib boards ... jinx / ma / munal / chatts
ever tried being bright and chirpy and a little giddy-dumb when u got these really profound dark gruesome thoughts running thru ur head ... its kind of fun in a twisted way
ya - so Im in a major reminiscing mood today
full of flshback and remember whens
its strange, but I cant remember peoples faces
that is not to say that I would not recognise my friends when I meet them
but, the closer I get to them the less the chances of my being able to conjure up a vision whe they are away from me ...
I remember people by their expressions - one fleeting look - but very typical - somehow it stays in ur mind like a echo
And the texture of their voices, and the tone in which they speak
And usually I have a particular sentence or phrase stuck to their each person in my mind
Like when I remember Munal ... I can just hear her say "like it makes a diff to my life" ... totally disgusted ... totally garfield
and chatts is always "how corny ... pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez" - all weltersmersh
and sohini is "Prrrrrrrrrrrrero!!!" like a rolling frenchie
and Pills would say - "bolna ... sachhi???" like a small kid
and Adit is like "helllllo??? I mean ..." shock
and Nilesh is "what was that again?" or "and why, pray are we going thru this exercise ..."
and rajesh is like "hello! are you serious"
and jish is "WHAT the Hell is going on around here!"
and joy is "shotti ..."
and ma is .... "mamoon ... othoooooooooooooo .............. PORBE NA"!!!!! or "tomaar shohur eshe electricity bill debe - cant u stay without the ac for sometime!!!LOL
hah hah ... I know its gonna sound crazy to anyone who is reading this bcz I cant really paint teh expressions with words but its so fresh in my mind ... the exact flavours of the sound ... could not resist it
some days back got a sms from a Nilesh "first real rain in cal today"
made me homesick like fresh lurch in my soul
first rain in cal
the smell of the dust
the crazy winds ... wet and cool ... evening onwards
drumming throbbing rain all night
people running - off the roads and under what shelter can be found here and there
southern avenue flooded
i miss cal so much, I must have been crazy to leave it again so soon :)
full of flshback and remember whens
its strange, but I cant remember peoples faces
that is not to say that I would not recognise my friends when I meet them
but, the closer I get to them the less the chances of my being able to conjure up a vision whe they are away from me ...
I remember people by their expressions - one fleeting look - but very typical - somehow it stays in ur mind like a echo
And the texture of their voices, and the tone in which they speak
And usually I have a particular sentence or phrase stuck to their each person in my mind
Like when I remember Munal ... I can just hear her say "like it makes a diff to my life" ... totally disgusted ... totally garfield
and chatts is always "how corny ... pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez" - all weltersmersh
and sohini is "Prrrrrrrrrrrrero!!!" like a rolling frenchie
and Pills would say - "bolna ... sachhi???" like a small kid
and Adit is like "helllllo??? I mean ..." shock
and Nilesh is "what was that again?" or "and why, pray are we going thru this exercise ..."
and rajesh is like "hello! are you serious"
and jish is "WHAT the Hell is going on around here!"
and joy is "shotti ..."
and ma is .... "mamoon ... othoooooooooooooo .............. PORBE NA"!!!!! or "tomaar shohur eshe electricity bill debe - cant u stay without the ac for sometime!!!LOL
hah hah ... I know its gonna sound crazy to anyone who is reading this bcz I cant really paint teh expressions with words but its so fresh in my mind ... the exact flavours of the sound ... could not resist it
some days back got a sms from a Nilesh "first real rain in cal today"
made me homesick like fresh lurch in my soul
first rain in cal
the smell of the dust
the crazy winds ... wet and cool ... evening onwards
drumming throbbing rain all night
people running - off the roads and under what shelter can be found here and there
southern avenue flooded
i miss cal so much, I must have been crazy to leave it again so soon :)
isnnt it nutty how u suddenly miss someone ... out of the blue ...
im missing sohini the chinki ....
does anyone remember Chinki the Pixie in "adventures of the wishing chair" :)
not so strange after all
its her birthday 2mrw isnt it ...
or maybe I miss a phase of life ... how nice everything was in college
fresh & fun & what-the-hell-does-it-matter-anyway kinds
we had such great times
sitting on her chhat and watching people downstairs & bitching about them
or sitting on the steps in the train and being mistaken for a guy & a girl romancing
or the way she would suddenly go Prrrerro ... u remind me of a doggy!
i wish at times that yesterday was a place
and I could make a little trip ... laugh a little, smile a little but then come back to today again
I miss poornima too ... she was one of the nicest kids I ever knew
and her mamaji's house (or the laddu's their) ... WOW
the film institute ... the haunt ... the adda
deccan
tds
mg road ... the blind trumpet player under the broken down bridge in front of osho's
feel like taking a trip down to Pune
Sohini -called me a funny funny girl today
i remember when ma had come over and we were at shoinis flat and someone said something or she called me funny
then she remembered ma was there
and she said I mean funny funny not funny funny
ma found that really funny
funny!
im missing sohini the chinki ....
does anyone remember Chinki the Pixie in "adventures of the wishing chair" :)
not so strange after all
its her birthday 2mrw isnt it ...
or maybe I miss a phase of life ... how nice everything was in college
fresh & fun & what-the-hell-does-it-matter-anyway kinds
we had such great times
sitting on her chhat and watching people downstairs & bitching about them
or sitting on the steps in the train and being mistaken for a guy & a girl romancing
or the way she would suddenly go Prrrerro ... u remind me of a doggy!
i wish at times that yesterday was a place
and I could make a little trip ... laugh a little, smile a little but then come back to today again
I miss poornima too ... she was one of the nicest kids I ever knew
and her mamaji's house (or the laddu's their) ... WOW
the film institute ... the haunt ... the adda
deccan
tds
mg road ... the blind trumpet player under the broken down bridge in front of osho's
feel like taking a trip down to Pune
Sohini -called me a funny funny girl today
i remember when ma had come over and we were at shoinis flat and someone said something or she called me funny
then she remembered ma was there
and she said I mean funny funny not funny funny
ma found that really funny
funny!
This will migrate to the pink page at some point in the future ...
do u know the feeling when u miss someone so much for one sudden second
... like ur nose caught a familiar whiff in the air and pulled ur soul
homewards ... for one short second ur heart
feels a sharp contraction and u miss them so, so much you just want to stop right there on the road and howl ...
but life, like rat, keeps pulling you ahead imperiously, never giving you a second to stop.
MONDAY
bunked office half day on monday and talked with jinx instead
small slices of heaven on earth
portable, mobile, virtual home-for-the-soul
rain in the desert
hyena laughing once again
leg pulling
delicious bitching cribbing and ego boosting ....
thats what best friends are made of :)
TUESDAY
back to the grind
9 hours of devising new ways of time pass
53 trips to the loo / water fountain / starbucks
6 "trips" around the building ...
3 DUMBHHHHHHHH meetings
1 totally frustrating hour at the intranet meeting
and the hi lite ... called sohini and pretended it was an official call
it went like "hello - this is p-r-e-r-o-n-a (who-the-fuck-is-that!!!) - I believe I received a call from you ... prero - is that you yes ma'am when the hell u getting ur ass here to pittsburgh yes ma'am Im looking into it ...
hilarious
made the whole day worth it :)
do u know the feeling when u miss someone so much for one sudden second
... like ur nose caught a familiar whiff in the air and pulled ur soul
homewards ... for one short second ur heart
feels a sharp contraction and u miss them so, so much you just want to stop right there on the road and howl ...
but life, like rat, keeps pulling you ahead imperiously, never giving you a second to stop.
MONDAY
bunked office half day on monday and talked with jinx instead
small slices of heaven on earth
portable, mobile, virtual home-for-the-soul
rain in the desert
hyena laughing once again
leg pulling
delicious bitching cribbing and ego boosting ....
thats what best friends are made of :)
TUESDAY
back to the grind
9 hours of devising new ways of time pass
53 trips to the loo / water fountain / starbucks
6 "trips" around the building ...
3 DUMBHHHHHHHH meetings
1 totally frustrating hour at the intranet meeting
and the hi lite ... called sohini and pretended it was an official call
it went like "hello - this is p-r-e-r-o-n-a (who-the-fuck-is-that!!!) - I believe I received a call from you ... prero - is that you yes ma'am when the hell u getting ur ass here to pittsburgh yes ma'am Im looking into it ...
hilarious
made the whole day worth it :)
friday
once again Im at my comp at 2:35 AM
cant sleep
but i really really should
got to go to work tomorrow
FRIDAY was beautiful
i think i will remember it as one of the most beautiful days of my life
the drive was so nice and the car was so sweet
and the music was so awesome
and the weather ..... wow!
i love thunderstorms. something about driving in the rain fascinates me
i went to houston once before
but it didnt strike me as so poignant then
mabe it wasnt raining
and storming
and lightning'ing
the buildings all around came alive
tall polished glass mirrors
reflecting a sky gone wild
glowing blue - suffused with spreading pink stains
torn apart by random swords of light
and crack of sound
and all reflected in every direction by those beautiful tall standing giants
then we went to IHOP
my favourite joint
makes me feel good everytime
and once again in the middle of the night for coffee
SATURDAY was the exam
nice place - the company where we had the exam
bmc sw
really cool joint
wont write about the exam at all bcz it was a bouncer after the other ... urgh! yuck! gross!
Ill fail but I wont give it again
too much man. not my stuff
why the fcuk was I doing this anyway!
nice ride back afterwards
stopped for a meal just when I was about to collapse
nice joint
nice burger
sourdough something
came back and collapsed into bed
so tired
slept
woke up
went for a movie
hollywood homicide
tech problems 5 secs from the end
gave us passes for one more show free
good deal, Id say
it had gotten to a stage where the heros are in a car chase with the willains
we all know what happens next dont we now ;)
SUNDAY was ... dunno
spent the whole day doing nothing and waiting for something to happen and switching between kidding myself damn happy and depths despondancy
have you ever felt alone
seriously seriously alone
lonely
cold
no ... neither have I ... its was okay
nice book
kept stuffing my face
lovely sweet georgette heyer
cottilion
great book for the time of my life a great practical romance :)
met sunil and kamlesh & muni where they were moving house
and shifted a few odds and ends with them
got a new sofa as reward
came back and slept
woke up and went to star bucks and walmart
ate dinner at taco cabana
talked to chiruda and rahul on the phone (not rahul bhaiya - another rahul - new friend - jolly nice guy)
called up a few more people but no one was home / free
everyone else has a life I guess :)
then came back. went for a swim
it was beautiful
deep velvet night
stars and drifting clouds
floating on my back and watching the stars
listen to the gurgling sounds from the jacuzzi next to the pool
pretending myself away to a tropical jungle ...
then came back home and chatted with ma
sms'd baba
couldnt get thru to him
then went to bed with orlean and "orchid thief"
thot I made good time - 12:30
be fresh as a posy for work tomorrow
and here I am ...3:30 and no luck yet
now Im off to try again ...
cant sleep
but i really really should
got to go to work tomorrow
FRIDAY was beautiful
i think i will remember it as one of the most beautiful days of my life
the drive was so nice and the car was so sweet
and the music was so awesome
and the weather ..... wow!
i love thunderstorms. something about driving in the rain fascinates me
i went to houston once before
but it didnt strike me as so poignant then
mabe it wasnt raining
and storming
and lightning'ing
the buildings all around came alive
tall polished glass mirrors
reflecting a sky gone wild
glowing blue - suffused with spreading pink stains
torn apart by random swords of light
and crack of sound
and all reflected in every direction by those beautiful tall standing giants
then we went to IHOP
my favourite joint
makes me feel good everytime
and once again in the middle of the night for coffee
SATURDAY was the exam
nice place - the company where we had the exam
bmc sw
really cool joint
wont write about the exam at all bcz it was a bouncer after the other ... urgh! yuck! gross!
Ill fail but I wont give it again
too much man. not my stuff
why the fcuk was I doing this anyway!
nice ride back afterwards
stopped for a meal just when I was about to collapse
nice joint
nice burger
sourdough something
came back and collapsed into bed
so tired
slept
woke up
went for a movie
hollywood homicide
tech problems 5 secs from the end
gave us passes for one more show free
good deal, Id say
it had gotten to a stage where the heros are in a car chase with the willains
we all know what happens next dont we now ;)
SUNDAY was ... dunno
spent the whole day doing nothing and waiting for something to happen and switching between kidding myself damn happy and depths despondancy
have you ever felt alone
seriously seriously alone
lonely
cold
no ... neither have I ... its was okay
nice book
kept stuffing my face
lovely sweet georgette heyer
cottilion
great book for the time of my life a great practical romance :)
met sunil and kamlesh & muni where they were moving house
and shifted a few odds and ends with them
got a new sofa as reward
came back and slept
woke up and went to star bucks and walmart
ate dinner at taco cabana
talked to chiruda and rahul on the phone (not rahul bhaiya - another rahul - new friend - jolly nice guy)
called up a few more people but no one was home / free
everyone else has a life I guess :)
then came back. went for a swim
it was beautiful
deep velvet night
stars and drifting clouds
floating on my back and watching the stars
listen to the gurgling sounds from the jacuzzi next to the pool
pretending myself away to a tropical jungle ...
then came back home and chatted with ma
sms'd baba
couldnt get thru to him
then went to bed with orlean and "orchid thief"
thot I made good time - 12:30
be fresh as a posy for work tomorrow
and here I am ...3:30 and no luck yet
now Im off to try again ...
Now I don't wanna lose you,
but I don't wanna use you
just to have somebody by my side
And I don't wanna hate you
I don't wanna take you
But I don't wanna be the one to cry
That don't really matter to anyone, anymore
But like a fool I keep losing my place
And I keep seeing you walk through that door
But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know its your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough
Now I could never change you
and I don't wanna blame you
Baby you don't have to take the fall
Yes I may have hurt you
But I did not desert you
Maybe I just wanna have it all
It makes a sound like thunder
It makes me feel like rain
And like a fool who will never see the truth
I keep thinking something's gonna change
But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know its your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough
And there's no way home
when it's late at night and you're all alone
Are there things that you wanted to say
Do you feel me beside you in your bed
there beside you where I used to lay
And there's a Danger in Loving somebody too much
And it's sad when you know its your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough.
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough.
but I don't wanna use you
just to have somebody by my side
And I don't wanna hate you
I don't wanna take you
But I don't wanna be the one to cry
That don't really matter to anyone, anymore
But like a fool I keep losing my place
And I keep seeing you walk through that door
But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know its your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough
Now I could never change you
and I don't wanna blame you
Baby you don't have to take the fall
Yes I may have hurt you
But I did not desert you
Maybe I just wanna have it all
It makes a sound like thunder
It makes me feel like rain
And like a fool who will never see the truth
I keep thinking something's gonna change
But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know its your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough
And there's no way home
when it's late at night and you're all alone
Are there things that you wanted to say
Do you feel me beside you in your bed
there beside you where I used to lay
And there's a Danger in Loving somebody too much
And it's sad when you know its your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough.
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough.
quotes for the night ...
"can and will"
"there r 2 kinds of thieves. Those who steal to enrich their lives and those who steal to define it. Dont ever be the latter"
"I trust everybody. Its the devil inside them that I dont trust"
"everyone loses a couple. There are only two things to do ... either you pack up and go home ... or you keep bloody fightit to the finish"
"you dont waste a whole life bcz it got knocked up a little bit ... "
coming attractions I really wanna see ... sea biscuit, down with love and another one I forgot the name of :)
"can and will"
"there r 2 kinds of thieves. Those who steal to enrich their lives and those who steal to define it. Dont ever be the latter"
"I trust everybody. Its the devil inside them that I dont trust"
"everyone loses a couple. There are only two things to do ... either you pack up and go home ... or you keep bloody fightit to the finish"
"you dont waste a whole life bcz it got knocked up a little bit ... "
coming attractions I really wanna see ... sea biscuit, down with love and another one I forgot the name of :)
either do and be contented,
or dont and be at peace.
the worst thing you could do is to do and keep regretting ....
Bunked studies for an evening and saw Italian job
Awesome! I really quite liked it.
Dinner at IHOP ... my fav joint in san antonio
Ate a decent steak after ... how long???
The most amazing thing happened today ... Jish had introduced me to a friend of his called Rahul
I was talking to this guy over phone and suddenly he says wait talk to this friend of mine ...
and whaddoyouknow ... its this old old friend of mine from rotaract ... great stuff
nice talking to a known voice
or dont and be at peace.
the worst thing you could do is to do and keep regretting ....
Bunked studies for an evening and saw Italian job
Awesome! I really quite liked it.
Dinner at IHOP ... my fav joint in san antonio
Ate a decent steak after ... how long???
The most amazing thing happened today ... Jish had introduced me to a friend of his called Rahul
I was talking to this guy over phone and suddenly he says wait talk to this friend of mine ...
and whaddoyouknow ... its this old old friend of mine from rotaract ... great stuff
nice talking to a known voice
My Old Favourite .... refound .... GOD BLESS KAZAA!
Isn't it rich, are we a pair?
Me here at last on the ground,
You in mid-air.
Send in the clowns.
Isn't it bliss, don't you approve?
One who keeps tearing around
One who can't move
Where are the clowns?
Send in the clowns.
Just when I'd stopped opening doors,
Finally knowing the one that I wanted was yours.
Making my entrance again with my usual flair,
Sure of my lines;
No one is there.
Don't you love farce?
My fault I fear,
I thought that you'd want what I want,
Sorry my dear
But where are the clowns
There ought to be clowns
Quick send in the clowns
What a surprise!
Who could foresee
I'd come to feel about you
What you felt about me?
Why only now when I see
That you've drifted away?
What a surprise...
What a cliche'...
Isn't it rich, isn't it queer
Losing my timing this late in my career
And where are the clowns
Quick send in the clowns
Don't bother, they're here.
Isn't it rich, are we a pair?
Me here at last on the ground,
You in mid-air.
Send in the clowns.
Isn't it bliss, don't you approve?
One who keeps tearing around
One who can't move
Where are the clowns?
Send in the clowns.
Just when I'd stopped opening doors,
Finally knowing the one that I wanted was yours.
Making my entrance again with my usual flair,
Sure of my lines;
No one is there.
Don't you love farce?
My fault I fear,
I thought that you'd want what I want,
Sorry my dear
But where are the clowns
There ought to be clowns
Quick send in the clowns
What a surprise!
Who could foresee
I'd come to feel about you
What you felt about me?
Why only now when I see
That you've drifted away?
What a surprise...
What a cliche'...
Isn't it rich, isn't it queer
Losing my timing this late in my career
And where are the clowns
Quick send in the clowns
Don't bother, they're here.
make that 4 ... I hit 4 AM
big spurs match
wild party upstairs till 3:30
called 911 ... only thing that came out of That was a 15 mind pause. Quite like I had died and they "observed a moments silence" or something
this gets pissing off-er and pissing off-er ... Im beginning to feel like the chinaman above holly dl's apt
anyway ... I studied till 4 last night and sitting through a Killer day at work
with assorted problems like dlls that refuse to get registered bcz they are not binary compatible ... (yuck! how would I know I had to set something right at the beginning ... Im a plain jane mainframe kid, no?) and abending jobs with tape positioning errors ... my brains are totally scrambled
brilliant! Another whopper of a day ....
big spurs match
wild party upstairs till 3:30
called 911 ... only thing that came out of That was a 15 mind pause. Quite like I had died and they "observed a moments silence" or something
this gets pissing off-er and pissing off-er ... Im beginning to feel like the chinaman above holly dl's apt
anyway ... I studied till 4 last night and sitting through a Killer day at work
with assorted problems like dlls that refuse to get registered bcz they are not binary compatible ... (yuck! how would I know I had to set something right at the beginning ... Im a plain jane mainframe kid, no?) and abending jobs with tape positioning errors ... my brains are totally scrambled
brilliant! Another whopper of a day ....
NEW LOVE OF MY LIFE ...
i used to be sad bcz I cud not find my usual ristretto anywhere here but now I discovered a new love at starbucks ... 3ple shot espresso on the rocks ... Its Groooooovy Baby :)
Was up till 2:30 last night again - that makes it 2 nights in a row of sleeping at 3 after one night of being up allnight ... well so much for early birds
I have a feeling Im gonna fluck this bloody exam in spite of all that ... jeez what stuff man!
Quality is a journey not a destination ... and the destination is customer satisfaction ... BULL & CRAP ... but however much I studty thats all I remember ... for the rest my head is just a mad jumble of headings - Cust gap / Prod Gap / CMM ? Bald F Ridge ... waaaaaaaaaah - God save me from the CSQA
i used to be sad bcz I cud not find my usual ristretto anywhere here but now I discovered a new love at starbucks ... 3ple shot espresso on the rocks ... Its Groooooovy Baby :)
Was up till 2:30 last night again - that makes it 2 nights in a row of sleeping at 3 after one night of being up allnight ... well so much for early birds
I have a feeling Im gonna fluck this bloody exam in spite of all that ... jeez what stuff man!
Quality is a journey not a destination ... and the destination is customer satisfaction ... BULL & CRAP ... but however much I studty thats all I remember ... for the rest my head is just a mad jumble of headings - Cust gap / Prod Gap / CMM ? Bald F Ridge ... waaaaaaaaaah - God save me from the CSQA
blimeywhaddaday!
woke up at 12
studying for that blasted exam till 3
ate lunch
then I had promised a friend who is fast approaching harakiri time (he getting married necxt month)
that I would take him shopping for a few things he wanted 2 buy for madame
he ended up winding up in 50 bucks or so
BUT I BLEW UP not just my whole evening but 180 bloody bucks!
OH MAN!
anyway - no regrets - nice stuff
awesome beige shoes - seven floor high heels
nice brown shirt - simple - mannish cut - in crushed suede ... so soft you feel like going to sleep in it :)
and a very conservative office shirt in green and white
and a nice little t shirt ... cute
and here comes the worst part - i picked up this awesome set of make up from channel
nice - very nice - but Frightfully expensive
If I go on like this Ill be back in broke land again
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrgh!
Saw Gangs Of New York
Great Fast Bloody Gruesome ... Interesting
For a review - check out my review blog ................ eeeeeeeeeeeeenjoY!
woke up at 12
studying for that blasted exam till 3
ate lunch
then I had promised a friend who is fast approaching harakiri time (he getting married necxt month)
that I would take him shopping for a few things he wanted 2 buy for madame
he ended up winding up in 50 bucks or so
BUT I BLEW UP not just my whole evening but 180 bloody bucks!
OH MAN!
anyway - no regrets - nice stuff
awesome beige shoes - seven floor high heels
nice brown shirt - simple - mannish cut - in crushed suede ... so soft you feel like going to sleep in it :)
and a very conservative office shirt in green and white
and a nice little t shirt ... cute
and here comes the worst part - i picked up this awesome set of make up from channel
nice - very nice - but Frightfully expensive
If I go on like this Ill be back in broke land again
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrgh!
Saw Gangs Of New York
Great Fast Bloody Gruesome ... Interesting
For a review - check out my review blog ................ eeeeeeeeeeeeenjoY!
EXCITEMENT!!!
Fire in the apartment block
so what if my lifes freezing over
6 fire trucks and an ambulance and police car
what happened? someones fire alarm went off!
this is the US of A, baby!
Im GOING to see the Niagra
made the bookings today
Im so looking fwd to it!
just hope it doesnt get screwed up?
Fire in the apartment block
so what if my lifes freezing over
6 fire trucks and an ambulance and police car
what happened? someones fire alarm went off!
this is the US of A, baby!
Im GOING to see the Niagra
made the bookings today
Im so looking fwd to it!
just hope it doesnt get screwed up?
is growing up a journey towards a point in life where,
out of teh 1000's & 100's of friends & family, near and far,
there not a single soul
across 4 continents u can wake up in the middle of the night and bug bcz ur feeling weird ...
bcz ur not really sure they would understand why or that u could even try to explain :)
out of teh 1000's & 100's of friends & family, near and far,
there not a single soul
across 4 continents u can wake up in the middle of the night and bug bcz ur feeling weird ...
bcz ur not really sure they would understand why or that u could even try to explain :)
another day in the life and times of ur truly
nothing happened to me, but my sisters co writing a play!
eXcitement!!!
No but Im seriuosly proud, man!
I never knew a real life playwrite before ... except maybe citra-chitra
i guess the landmark of the day was I got a call from Rajesh
we spoke for a long time
its so strange ... I have known this person from when I was 8
now Im twenty eight
that makes it 20 odd years
during which we have at regular intervals breazed in and out of each others life
but our relationship is such a strange mixture of the known and unknown
i dont know what he looks like
where he works
what he does everyday
but I know Him so well
i guess thats what friendship is all about
at times I think he is the only other person I know who has a vagues chance of competeing with me for craziness ... mmm ... no I take that back .... he's not that whacky
actually he is rather sweet
and a very 'nice guy'
not a 'nice guy' 'nice guy' but a 'nice guy' 'nice guy'
Gotcha!
;)
what else? ani is coming out to the americanas
thats got me spooked
dont know how it will be
probably wont make any difference to anything ... still
feeling kind of lost today
maybe i screwed up once to many
sometimes teh masks sit so heavy and its so hard to be fresh and sweet and cheerful
its one of those "fuck man ... what a life ... why me" days I guess :)
nothing happened to me, but my sisters co writing a play!
eXcitement!!!
No but Im seriuosly proud, man!
I never knew a real life playwrite before ... except maybe citra-chitra
i guess the landmark of the day was I got a call from Rajesh
we spoke for a long time
its so strange ... I have known this person from when I was 8
now Im twenty eight
that makes it 20 odd years
during which we have at regular intervals breazed in and out of each others life
but our relationship is such a strange mixture of the known and unknown
i dont know what he looks like
where he works
what he does everyday
but I know Him so well
i guess thats what friendship is all about
at times I think he is the only other person I know who has a vagues chance of competeing with me for craziness ... mmm ... no I take that back .... he's not that whacky
actually he is rather sweet
and a very 'nice guy'
not a 'nice guy' 'nice guy' but a 'nice guy' 'nice guy'
Gotcha!
;)
what else? ani is coming out to the americanas
thats got me spooked
dont know how it will be
probably wont make any difference to anything ... still
feeling kind of lost today
maybe i screwed up once to many
sometimes teh masks sit so heavy and its so hard to be fresh and sweet and cheerful
its one of those "fuck man ... what a life ... why me" days I guess :)
long weekend came and went
nothing big happened.
no trips no big excursion
just a lot of lazy hanging around
and horrid semi studying
went out a lot though
saw "the in laws" and "bruce alnighty"
splendid movie - the latter
first was funny and sweet too
pretty lonely a weekend all in all
called up loads of people but no one was home
no mails either
i got to a point where I was looking fwd to junk mail on my msn
catch em delete em
something to do, right ;)
nothing big happened.
no trips no big excursion
just a lot of lazy hanging around
and horrid semi studying
went out a lot though
saw "the in laws" and "bruce alnighty"
splendid movie - the latter
first was funny and sweet too
pretty lonely a weekend all in all
called up loads of people but no one was home
no mails either
i got to a point where I was looking fwd to junk mail on my msn
catch em delete em
something to do, right ;)
Ive got maxims on my mind ...
and voices in my head
as times goes on u realise the opposite of love is never hatred
because hatred is just another form of love
the opposite of love is indifference ...
like the opposite of existence is non existence and not disease ...
we are such fools
not merely happy with the fact that our friends do love us
we also put conditions on how and why?
everything u see, everything u hear
nothing is at it seems
everything is a test
everything is a clue
everyone u meet
everyone u see
no one should be trusted
no one is a friend
and voices in my head
as times goes on u realise the opposite of love is never hatred
because hatred is just another form of love
the opposite of love is indifference ...
like the opposite of existence is non existence and not disease ...
we are such fools
not merely happy with the fact that our friends do love us
we also put conditions on how and why?
everything u see, everything u hear
nothing is at it seems
everything is a test
everything is a clue
everyone u meet
everyone u see
no one should be trusted
no one is a friend
do you remember the first time you actually properly drove .. like bang out on the main road ... with the general population of cars & drivers all around you?
deep in the night
40 miles / main road / cars buzzing all around
man o man o man!
hosh walon ko khabar kya behoshi kya cheez hain???
WOW! blow ur mind!
Im so excited
deep in the night
40 miles / main road / cars buzzing all around
man o man o man!
hosh walon ko khabar kya behoshi kya cheez hain???
WOW! blow ur mind!
Im so excited
yesterday was a monumental day in my life and times
I actually graduated from the office ground to the wide open roads of san francisco!
Atleast, I crossed the maibn road and drove all the way back home.
At a break neck speed of 30 mph
Hurtling down, and all that
I was really thrilled :)
Then I went and got a haircut
I was really scared but she was pretty cool
She just snipped of my 'choti' and left me with a nice 'bob'
It was all over before I could say 'haircut' (slowly)
I was really scared man ... would have never gone if kkk hadnt pushed me ...
Thank God for F.R.I.E.N.D.S
I got a whole lot of compliments at work
mostly from a lot of old ladies and one from and old gentleman ... but it still felt nice
Baba called, after our embarrassingly senti sms exchanges last week
It was ... eminently pleasant
Rajesh called after eons
He keeps popping up after gaping vacant slots of absence
I suppose he is one of my oldest surviving friends whom I am still close to
He is a total smoothie ... raghu the liar incarnate ... and I dont ever believe a word he says
But I love him a lot anyway
Its that awesome unique feeling you get talking to old friends where u dont have to keep worrying what you said the last second
and praying it didnt scandalise someones scalp off
bcz they know you what a creep you are and they dont give a flying fuck
and you know they love you anyway :)
and I gathered courage and confessed something that was sitting on my chest for a long time
and it was okay -no major reaction ... so now my light and happy ... hah
got into a 'fight' with big boss at work
i was really pissed off
hope I dont get into trouble, though
I need to start studying ... gawd!
I hate this ...
thats all that there was .... well, when did I ever claim that my life was very exciting anyway ** smirk **
I actually graduated from the office ground to the wide open roads of san francisco!
Atleast, I crossed the maibn road and drove all the way back home.
At a break neck speed of 30 mph
Hurtling down, and all that
I was really thrilled :)
Then I went and got a haircut
I was really scared but she was pretty cool
She just snipped of my 'choti' and left me with a nice 'bob'
It was all over before I could say 'haircut' (slowly)
I was really scared man ... would have never gone if kkk hadnt pushed me ...
Thank God for F.R.I.E.N.D.S
I got a whole lot of compliments at work
mostly from a lot of old ladies and one from and old gentleman ... but it still felt nice
Baba called, after our embarrassingly senti sms exchanges last week
It was ... eminently pleasant
Rajesh called after eons
He keeps popping up after gaping vacant slots of absence
I suppose he is one of my oldest surviving friends whom I am still close to
He is a total smoothie ... raghu the liar incarnate ... and I dont ever believe a word he says
But I love him a lot anyway
Its that awesome unique feeling you get talking to old friends where u dont have to keep worrying what you said the last second
and praying it didnt scandalise someones scalp off
bcz they know you what a creep you are and they dont give a flying fuck
and you know they love you anyway :)
and I gathered courage and confessed something that was sitting on my chest for a long time
and it was okay -no major reaction ... so now my light and happy ... hah
got into a 'fight' with big boss at work
i was really pissed off
hope I dont get into trouble, though
I need to start studying ... gawd!
I hate this ...
thats all that there was .... well, when did I ever claim that my life was very exciting anyway ** smirk **
Great weakend & Monday :)
Got done a lot of work around the house and myself
Did my closet AT LONG last ... courtsey KK sitting there and chatting me thru it
Id have never gotten it down otherwise
Sharad came over on Sunday
It wasnt as disastrous as I thought it would be
It never is, is it ... U just gotto hold ur breath and
keep ur head steady for those few first minutes
And u never drown, really ...
Anyway it was quite nice
We chatted about old friends & old times
Made chicken and gajaar ka halwa
Glorious Glorious Chicken ... WOW!
Long Live Dada
Then we played BLUFF
That was also great fun
"And If you truly did drown? In life?
Would that be fascinating too?
Slowly sinking down down dark deep.
Into the stomach off a sweet blue intensity.
And then, night, night forever?
But a soft white glow Ill leave behind.
And it will keep glowing forever?"
Tuesday ....
everything you hear, every thing you see, nothing is as it seems
everything is a clue, every thing is a test
no class today
just fuckup parade
I had a killer day at work after a long, long time
I was really tired when I got back
After that it was a nice slow day with nothing happening
Chatting and lazing around ... then suddenly everything blew up in smoke!
Well 2mrw is another day
And everything is gonna be alright
People who matter will understand & those who dont dont matter?
Huh???? Even I didnt get that last bit!
Have faith, my little one, my little bird ... Ill save you yet ;o)
Have faith, have hope, hold on one more day
Have faith, in us, in life, in the world
They will let us go, in the end,
They will fall asleep and their grip
Will slip
And we'll slip out, unnoticed
Like we came uninvited
You and I
Dark & Light
Good and Bad
Child & Dad
Ill save you yet, whatever they do
In the end its just me and you
Got done a lot of work around the house and myself
Did my closet AT LONG last ... courtsey KK sitting there and chatting me thru it
Id have never gotten it down otherwise
Sharad came over on Sunday
It wasnt as disastrous as I thought it would be
It never is, is it ... U just gotto hold ur breath and
keep ur head steady for those few first minutes
And u never drown, really ...
Anyway it was quite nice
We chatted about old friends & old times
Made chicken and gajaar ka halwa
Glorious Glorious Chicken ... WOW!
Long Live Dada
Then we played BLUFF
That was also great fun
"And If you truly did drown? In life?
Would that be fascinating too?
Slowly sinking down down dark deep.
Into the stomach off a sweet blue intensity.
And then, night, night forever?
But a soft white glow Ill leave behind.
And it will keep glowing forever?"
Tuesday ....
everything you hear, every thing you see, nothing is as it seems
everything is a clue, every thing is a test
no class today
just fuckup parade
I had a killer day at work after a long, long time
I was really tired when I got back
After that it was a nice slow day with nothing happening
Chatting and lazing around ... then suddenly everything blew up in smoke!
Well 2mrw is another day
And everything is gonna be alright
People who matter will understand & those who dont dont matter?
Huh???? Even I didnt get that last bit!
Have faith, my little one, my little bird ... Ill save you yet ;o)
Have faith, have hope, hold on one more day
Have faith, in us, in life, in the world
They will let us go, in the end,
They will fall asleep and their grip
Will slip
And we'll slip out, unnoticed
Like we came uninvited
You and I
Dark & Light
Good and Bad
Child & Dad
Ill save you yet, whatever they do
In the end its just me and you
Wonderful Wonderful Day!
Woke up late.
Studied (?)
Ate lunch and went for the longest of long drives
this is heaven! Get out with the car and just get lost. Mmmmmmmmm :)
Passed by the (pearly) gates of UTSA. WoW!!!
I still got the blues for an MS. Should I???? NOW???
I dunno
We went to best buy to buy a camera cover for my digi cam
Also ended up buying a tripod
Then went to barnes and nobles bcz kamlesh "had an emergency" as usual.
Browsed some books
What can be nicer in this wolrd than lazy unhurried hours in a book shop,
Unless its lazy unhurried hours writing,
Or reading someone elses books?
So many dreams, so many high vaulting crazy technicolor dreams,
Will I have the balls to try, ever ever ever?
Anyway, I behaved badly. Did my usual spoilt brat routine
But then, u gotto take some shit as price for being a such good friend
To such a spoilt brat crazy nutty unreal dumdum???
But Im still feeling bad about it.
However, I did finish it off with a very heart felt apology :o)
ANYWAY, TO GET TO THE HI-LIGHT OF THE DAY:
I went for my first ever driving lesson here in the US
In fact my first ever official 'driving lesson'
IT WAS MIND BLOWING
I havent had such a nice time in ... I cant remember how long before
God Bless KK! He is Terrific - friend / driver / teacher :)
He is so Patient and Cool Headed and he teaches with interest
One thing I gotto say for San Antonio, I met a lotta nice people after I came here :)
To get back from Guru Praising ...
Yesterday I bought my long coveted electric tooth brush!!!
Too bloody exciting
I still havent gotten over it ;o)
Woke up late.
Studied (?)
Ate lunch and went for the longest of long drives
this is heaven! Get out with the car and just get lost. Mmmmmmmmm :)
Passed by the (pearly) gates of UTSA. WoW!!!
I still got the blues for an MS. Should I???? NOW???
I dunno
We went to best buy to buy a camera cover for my digi cam
Also ended up buying a tripod
Then went to barnes and nobles bcz kamlesh "had an emergency" as usual.
Browsed some books
What can be nicer in this wolrd than lazy unhurried hours in a book shop,
Unless its lazy unhurried hours writing,
Or reading someone elses books?
So many dreams, so many high vaulting crazy technicolor dreams,
Will I have the balls to try, ever ever ever?
Anyway, I behaved badly. Did my usual spoilt brat routine
But then, u gotto take some shit as price for being a such good friend
To such a spoilt brat crazy nutty unreal dumdum???
But Im still feeling bad about it.
However, I did finish it off with a very heart felt apology :o)
ANYWAY, TO GET TO THE HI-LIGHT OF THE DAY:
I went for my first ever driving lesson here in the US
In fact my first ever official 'driving lesson'
IT WAS MIND BLOWING
I havent had such a nice time in ... I cant remember how long before
God Bless KK! He is Terrific - friend / driver / teacher :)
He is so Patient and Cool Headed and he teaches with interest
One thing I gotto say for San Antonio, I met a lotta nice people after I came here :)
To get back from Guru Praising ...
Yesterday I bought my long coveted electric tooth brush!!!
Too bloody exciting
I still havent gotten over it ;o)
excellent end to a horrible week
everything seemed to be going wrong this week
I fucked up at work like BIG TIME twice
My hand was at its worst
I got the baddest news ever from a friend
At home Baba wasnt well
But on the brighter side
A saw a really cute couple making out in the apt cplx pool
that was great fun ... heh heh .... WICKED ;)
And today finished off beautifully with a super long drive
listening to aks
and lots of nice conversation
and a promise of my first (videsi) driving lesson 2mrw
thank god for friends ...
everything seemed to be going wrong this week
I fucked up at work like BIG TIME twice
My hand was at its worst
I got the baddest news ever from a friend
At home Baba wasnt well
But on the brighter side
A saw a really cute couple making out in the apt cplx pool
that was great fun ... heh heh .... WICKED ;)
And today finished off beautifully with a super long drive
listening to aks
and lots of nice conversation
and a promise of my first (videsi) driving lesson 2mrw
thank god for friends ...
Im so bored
with my right hand in a cast theres not much I can do at work
but I still gotto come in which sucks
mostly I just browse and go get endless coffee's ... yesterday I tried all the cafes in this building which is saying something
the head office here is massive
9 connected 'buildings'
set in grounds full of lakes and deer parks
its very pretty
arm in a sling means I cant take my driving test till next week or after that ... aw man!
with my right hand in a cast theres not much I can do at work
but I still gotto come in which sucks
mostly I just browse and go get endless coffee's ... yesterday I tried all the cafes in this building which is saying something
the head office here is massive
9 connected 'buildings'
set in grounds full of lakes and deer parks
its very pretty
arm in a sling means I cant take my driving test till next week or after that ... aw man!
isnt it strange ... now that some of these weird tensions dissipate, Im missing cal like crazy
everyone seems to be having a ball
i miss CAL!!!!
all night party pub hopping ... theatre / literature workshops / drama festivals
heavenly music every where ...
my doggie
my house
the terrace
the nights
my room
my ac :)
the club
swimming
golf ... rcgc shrouded in mist early morning in the morning ... the trophy-shelf of excuses for missed shots ... bad wind ...bloody bird ... ground lousy today
the rickshaw walla's
the metro rail
bheer bhaar
ganda rasta
garmi
orange stick ice cream from budhha johnny
PUCHKA
egg mottun roll
tolly at night
sunday afternoon ... on the chhat with munal ... sneaking up raw mango with salt and mirchi powder
hiding from ma ... climbing on to the cheel chhaat
staying awake till 5 am then walking over to ma's house to have tea with her
going to the pub impromptu after work with jinx
singing in the cab on the way back jor jor se ....
getting excited passing by school
meeting chena chena haashi mukh
sumon
dover lane ... which i always plan for but never make it to
I wanna go home so much :(
God I love that crazy nutty beautiful city
everyone seems to be having a ball
i miss CAL!!!!
all night party pub hopping ... theatre / literature workshops / drama festivals
heavenly music every where ...
my doggie
my house
the terrace
the nights
my room
my ac :)
the club
swimming
golf ... rcgc shrouded in mist early morning in the morning ... the trophy-shelf of excuses for missed shots ... bad wind ...bloody bird ... ground lousy today
the rickshaw walla's
the metro rail
bheer bhaar
ganda rasta
garmi
orange stick ice cream from budhha johnny
PUCHKA
egg mottun roll
tolly at night
sunday afternoon ... on the chhat with munal ... sneaking up raw mango with salt and mirchi powder
hiding from ma ... climbing on to the cheel chhaat
staying awake till 5 am then walking over to ma's house to have tea with her
going to the pub impromptu after work with jinx
singing in the cab on the way back jor jor se ....
getting excited passing by school
meeting chena chena haashi mukh
sumon
dover lane ... which i always plan for but never make it to
I wanna go home so much :(
God I love that crazy nutty beautiful city
You know how there are somethings I love so much they make my heart ache for a few isolated moments at times ... like a few songs ... creep / love hurts / wicked game / jealous guy / romeo-juliet / u make me feel ... like some movies like breakfast at tiffanys or runaway bride or city of angels ... like ristretto coffee ;) like somewords (like serendipity & cerullean & lethe AND exquisite ... which does something to me everytime) and some flowers or sitting in the open in a isolated place at night ... while the world sleeps and u can kid ur self into beliveing theres no one else alive anywhere, anyplace ... like the pool of water I had once seen going from pune to bombay ... it was like a sheet of metal ... it looked so solid ... like the first time I saw snow falling ... like how a little girl had once smiled at me on a bus in bristol at a time when I had been missing munal like mad ... I just got on and she looked up and smiled ... like we were supposed to meet up there and she had been waiting ... she had a pink bow in her hair ... will I forget .. like some poems ... like "jenny loved me" I read it on the net, alone one night and I cried and I couldnt stop. I couldnt stop.
Jenny kissed me when we met,
Jumping from the chair she sat in;
Time, you thief, who love to get
Sweets into your list, put that in:
Say I'm weary, say I'm sad,
Say that health and wealth have missed me,
Say I'm growing old, but add,
Jenny kissed me.
- Leigh Hunt (Rondeau)
... and another soul stirring memory. I was walking home from the bus stop in bristol one day. balmy evening. winds blowing all around. this is near the city centre and used to talk all kinds of weird by lanes ... a new one each time & there were so many! god I loved that city so. anyway, so its about 9 pm and the sky is just about beginning to fade to darker shades ... Im walking ... its cold ... and I have one of those "I'm all alone in this world & thank god" feelings. Im walking by this huge church and SUDDENLY there are lights inside & the bells start chiming .. I cant explain this ... but it was exquisite. The sounds of the bells floated all around in the air till I felt like I was dancing in a cloud of song & the whole world was so beautiful and I was SO GRATEFUL I was alive & alone & free
Jenny kissed me when we met,
Jumping from the chair she sat in;
Time, you thief, who love to get
Sweets into your list, put that in:
Say I'm weary, say I'm sad,
Say that health and wealth have missed me,
Say I'm growing old, but add,
Jenny kissed me.
- Leigh Hunt (Rondeau)
... and another soul stirring memory. I was walking home from the bus stop in bristol one day. balmy evening. winds blowing all around. this is near the city centre and used to talk all kinds of weird by lanes ... a new one each time & there were so many! god I loved that city so. anyway, so its about 9 pm and the sky is just about beginning to fade to darker shades ... Im walking ... its cold ... and I have one of those "I'm all alone in this world & thank god" feelings. Im walking by this huge church and SUDDENLY there are lights inside & the bells start chiming .. I cant explain this ... but it was exquisite. The sounds of the bells floated all around in the air till I felt like I was dancing in a cloud of song & the whole world was so beautiful and I was SO GRATEFUL I was alive & alone & free
I stumbled into this site and its nice. read the note. it was a stange feeling. there are so many people in this world who are "different". do we really know anyone? even our prosaic or comical or paati everyday ordinary neighbour ...
what are the thots that go thru his head?
who knows? who thinks? who even allows him to have "strange thots"
we, who are the illegitimate children of two so unwed cultures ...
how quick we are to judge them and say assume they wont ever ever ever understand us the way we are
and so thinking we enter, there very playgrounds armed with multi colored masks
pretend, pretend, its all pretend
we think the nether lands of the mind are our private preserve?
we think we are the lone peregrines in the wastelands of black darkness and grey despair
thots of death and suicide or murder and vacany ... journeys to blank space
our sole sojournes?
Theres more 2 explore,
but 2mrw is another day ...
And I am, even now, wondering whats the e version of writer cramp?
what are the thots that go thru his head?
who knows? who thinks? who even allows him to have "strange thots"
we, who are the illegitimate children of two so unwed cultures ...
how quick we are to judge them and say assume they wont ever ever ever understand us the way we are
and so thinking we enter, there very playgrounds armed with multi colored masks
pretend, pretend, its all pretend
we think the nether lands of the mind are our private preserve?
we think we are the lone peregrines in the wastelands of black darkness and grey despair
thots of death and suicide or murder and vacany ... journeys to blank space
our sole sojournes?
Theres more 2 explore,
but 2mrw is another day ...
And I am, even now, wondering whats the e version of writer cramp?
"I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out than fade away"
from someone suicide note. Guess who ....
I just saw The Recruit. And a glorious drive
And chicken before that
And tomorrow is a holiday
want to sleep fpr 6 yrs & 4 months :)
from someone suicide note. Guess who ....
I just saw The Recruit. And a glorious drive
And chicken before that
And tomorrow is a holiday
want to sleep fpr 6 yrs & 4 months :)
I have friends
I have good friends
I have family
I have those I love and those who love me
I have some near, some far, some reachable some lost
But you know what?
Everytime ur down & out & broken & dying of feeling bad
Each time I feel that I want to roll into a ball and get into a hug & howl till I cant even tweak a brain cell any more
then there is no one, ever.
Or there is ... but they will ask so many questions it gonna feel like the spanish-I
then they will try to follow up
or they will lecture or tell you how silly ur being till u wanna shout out f@^&*g murder
And if they catch you doing it more than once or twice they'll crib about how ur always depressed or always crying ....
Oh Jeez ... no thanx ... I d rather go it alone
So moral of the story is when ur as weird as I am
When ur needs & ur reqts are as complex and contradictory as mine generally are,
You are always always alone, whether the number of people around you are 1 or 100 or none
Atleast when ur actually alone u dont have to keep worrying about anyone else and pretend to be cheerful and make pc ...
I dreamt of my best pal Jinx last night
It was a beautiful dream
I was the co ordinator for some egroup, and for some strange reason that involved being in "biplab da's" bus (my good old school bus)
with loads of terribly grown up people (I think they were tcs ers). And he kind of popped in and said something like "oh I just wanted to chk out how she is doing. she is my best pal, you know" or something to that effect, apparently it was a Big Deal to be a "moderator" in my dream, specially for females & so my jinx was just dutifully expressing his awe & pride ... is that weird or is it weird
Why are our dreams so strange? Two days back I dreamt of these two (very alive) friends of mine, except that in my dreams they were both dead and one had become a HORSE!!! A haunted horse, no less. Everyone was terrified of him & he was "calling me". Anyway then the other friend turns into alok (ya, I guess he Had to come in somewhere) and then I dont remember what happened.
I chatted with a friend yesterday after a whole week. This may not seem very long but I used to talk to him every day so it felt "odd" :)
Today I lost & subsequently refound my pay chk
I cant pay my rent in time perhaps bcz 2mrw there will be no money in my bank and tomorrow is the last day
Work is ... well I cant say it very decently, so we will leave it out of this
No car, no money, no license, no brains ... and exams a month away ....
I guess its one of those phases when I should hide under the bed just not get out till its passed :)
I want my mommy ... I really wanna go to my mommy :(
I have good friends
I have family
I have those I love and those who love me
I have some near, some far, some reachable some lost
But you know what?
Everytime ur down & out & broken & dying of feeling bad
Each time I feel that I want to roll into a ball and get into a hug & howl till I cant even tweak a brain cell any more
then there is no one, ever.
Or there is ... but they will ask so many questions it gonna feel like the spanish-I
then they will try to follow up
or they will lecture or tell you how silly ur being till u wanna shout out f@^&*g murder
And if they catch you doing it more than once or twice they'll crib about how ur always depressed or always crying ....
Oh Jeez ... no thanx ... I d rather go it alone
So moral of the story is when ur as weird as I am
When ur needs & ur reqts are as complex and contradictory as mine generally are,
You are always always alone, whether the number of people around you are 1 or 100 or none
Atleast when ur actually alone u dont have to keep worrying about anyone else and pretend to be cheerful and make pc ...
I dreamt of my best pal Jinx last night
It was a beautiful dream
I was the co ordinator for some egroup, and for some strange reason that involved being in "biplab da's" bus (my good old school bus)
with loads of terribly grown up people (I think they were tcs ers). And he kind of popped in and said something like "oh I just wanted to chk out how she is doing. she is my best pal, you know" or something to that effect, apparently it was a Big Deal to be a "moderator" in my dream, specially for females & so my jinx was just dutifully expressing his awe & pride ... is that weird or is it weird
Why are our dreams so strange? Two days back I dreamt of these two (very alive) friends of mine, except that in my dreams they were both dead and one had become a HORSE!!! A haunted horse, no less. Everyone was terrified of him & he was "calling me". Anyway then the other friend turns into alok (ya, I guess he Had to come in somewhere) and then I dont remember what happened.
I chatted with a friend yesterday after a whole week. This may not seem very long but I used to talk to him every day so it felt "odd" :)
Today I lost & subsequently refound my pay chk
I cant pay my rent in time perhaps bcz 2mrw there will be no money in my bank and tomorrow is the last day
Work is ... well I cant say it very decently, so we will leave it out of this
No car, no money, no license, no brains ... and exams a month away ....
I guess its one of those phases when I should hide under the bed just not get out till its passed :)
I want my mommy ... I really wanna go to my mommy :(
days pass by in a blurrrr
shopped after many days today
courtsey the generousity of kamlesh ... also responsible for nice bk meal & frappachino after ages .... wow!
now my house is full of food again & I can feed who ever wanders in!
another milestone ... chatted with a girl for the first time after coming here ... it was refreshing ... for a change, only :)
shopped after many days today
courtsey the generousity of kamlesh ... also responsible for nice bk meal & frappachino after ages .... wow!
now my house is full of food again & I can feed who ever wanders in!
another milestone ... chatted with a girl for the first time after coming here ... it was refreshing ... for a change, only :)