This Little Lane: The Way Out of the Morning

It rained sometime during the night. When I woke, the windows were glittering with little drops of rain. The sky was the pale blue of the very early morning. It looked damp, like eyes that have just finished crying. The roads, black stone paved, were wet and shining. Everything looked clean, and fresh. There was a bird song floating down from somewhere nearby. And a cool wind, just cool enough to feel fresh and clean. New snaps up at Flickr!


DSC02063
Originally uploaded by prerona.



I love the early mornings. Before the world wakes up. You feel like you are the only person in the world and its all yours. Its that time of the day when it the word alone never stings. or mocks. It sings.

Whatever had built up till now has been washed away in the night, and for a while life feels clean, new and virgin, and everything seems possible again. Like a brand new start. You forget not to believe. You forget all the lessons like has taught you, and feel brave enough to start again.

I put on the coffee, and the smell fills the little kitchen as it gurgles. I lean my face on the glass of the window and it feels cool to touch. Outside, the little shimmering drops are fading as the sun warms up and dries them. Slowly, people wake up and voices fill the air. The stark emptiness fades like the drops of rain. I wake up and go look in the mirror. And start to wear my day-self again.

**This post reminded me of floating on wet winds: an old post from Ricercar. And of this: "the sky cried all night. in the morning, he turned his face up to me, like a little boy who has let it all out in a heavy shower of tears. Light. Still wet. A little tender. Almost unbearably sweet. I have this silly urge to smile at everyone I see"



Originally Posted at Prerona.

Freeze

I'm frozen Numb,
Shocked still,
With awe and fear.
Who are you I hold so near?
With such fearsome dreams,
Such extremes,
Such violent thoughts,
Such strange desires,
Who are you,
in my head?
In the mirror,
In my bed?
I who live,
I will die.
I know somehow,
You will survive.
Floating in your shadow form
Across all of time to come.
You're feeding on my very blood.
Floating in a pool of blood.
Mother Father Sister Child
Unknown unseen unmeasured wild.
Who are you that sucks my soul
You'll never let me stay whole.
You who sucks out my breath.
You who haunt me, You who wait.
Lurking in my every shadow
Cold hand poised above my heart.
Teasing, Taunting, Tempting
Luring, Calling, Distracting.
Letting me know silently
Once it falls it'll be the end.
In an instant my heart will freeze
In a moment I will freeze
I flash it will pass
Time, life, the world, and I

Who do you think you are?

Also, Trying this Johari & Nohari thing ... will I get a little help from my Friends? Also, found this at Rulda's blog. Looked fun, so gave it a shot. Funny thing! They give you a load of images and ask you to chose, obviously I couldnt make up my mind! Picked 3 and thought I'd check out the results for all of them. They were all off and all on, in some way or the other.

Your Personality Profile

You are elegant, withdrawn, and brilliant.
Your mind is a weapon, able to solve any puzzle.
You are also great at poking holes in arguments and common beliefs.

For you, comfort and calm are very important.
You tend to thrive on your own and shrug off most affection.
You prefer to protect your emotions and stay strong.






Your Personality Profile

You are sexy, powerful, and bold.
You're full of passion and energy...
Sometimes this passion has a dark side.

You feel most alive when you're seducing someone.
You never fail to get someone's attention.
Quick minded, you're also quick to lose your temper!






Your Personality Profile

You are pure, moral, and adaptable.
You tend to blend into your surroundings.
Shy on the outside, you're outspoken to your friends.

You believe that you live a virtuous life...
And you tend to judge others with a harsh eye.
As a result, people tend to crave your approval.


Why are we so fascinated with these little magic tools that tell us who we are and what will become of us? We are the last to know, arent we. I have no clue who I am, where I am headed, where I am coming from ... but what I know the least of all, is what I want. All I know is time is running out like sand through my hand. Time to get what I want, where I want, who I want. Time is running out, and I am not getting anywhere. Lots

Dad's gone. Was so nice to be with him, if just for a day. He laughed and laughed. And so you think your in £#%@?, he said. Will you ever grow up? No, I said, I absolutely refuse!

Walked around chasing photographs with his DSLR. He made fun of my cameras. Bully. Cooked, ate out, drank. Sang. Fought, Cried, Made up. Mum and Sis are in Nepal. Tripping. We discussed options for her Art school thing. How to work it out. Where. When? How? Lucky little one. She knows what she wants and has no qualms about getting it.



Originally Posted at Prerona.

Stains

a slowly drying water stain
on a perfect whiote starched cloth
shrinking
to nothingness

Originally Posted at Prerona.

Obscured by the Clouds

From far away, everything looks beautiful, mysterious, fascinating. From far away, the flaws are obscured, the edgy lines dimmed, the crevices between the hills are just bold strokes. From a distance, the waters are deep, cool and blue.


DSC01961
Originally uploaded by prerona.



If you zoom in, really close, this City, these rocks, these waters, these clouds, they are craggy, rougher, choppier. The greens are not so smooth and lush. The hills are not such elegent swoops of a divine plane. The waters are sometimes blue, sometimes grey.

If you zoom in, even closer, this City, is still breathtakingly beautiful; heart-taking-ly beautiful. Watch your Heart in Edinburgh: They lose easy.





By the way - for gyaan on how to embed music head here

Originally Posted at Prerona.

Stains

a slowly drying water stain
on a perfect white starched cloth
shrinking
to nothingness

the crosssection of things i could talk about, or would care to
and the things which wudnt give away, any portion of myself i dont want mauled by the public
shrinks and dissapears

its hard being mikey
and me

like the wise woman says
why to blog,
at all?

i have nothing to say
to anyone who'd hear, really
its all pretence
my excruciating politeness
spilling into my cyber-spaces
cant spell it out and say f@ck off,
its none of ur business

so what shud i talk about
well, there's always the rain ...

round and round long winding ways
and i am back here again
this is my area of expertise: to fail
is one thing i never fail at

bldy world is never far way
specially when u dont have the time or energy for them,
thank god.

and noone is ever free when u need someone,
ofcourse.
thank god.

i still get stuck at the simple q's
what wud it be like to have a friend

what is friendship really?

and love?
does it really exist at all?

why go on living?
where to? why?

i have failed. again.
i am tired. again.

have i?
or was this the point?

So for now its just another lonely day

Every now and then I get stuck on a song. Listening to 'Cannonball', to get my mind of this song thats taken control of my brain ... So for now its just another lonely day (PJ), thing is, it just says it all ... There's this gravelly feeling to his voice, and he seems to be talking straight to you. Specially those bits, like when he says, 'You know I can take anything but temptation from you'. So, thats Ben Harper and Pearl Jam for you.

I had the nicest day, given ...

Last night I worked all day. Then did all my small domestic tasks. Watched 'Roma', 'Dear Frankie' & 'Music from another Room'. I cooked a nice pork curry and saffron rice, and washed it down with some bear. Called home, wrote some letters, went for a run, went to sleep.

I woke up in the morning and sat at computer till afternoon reading (trying to) some papers from the web. I didnt understand much, but I just kept reading. I received mails from 2 profs I had contacted and I am meeting them soon. I was scared, bcz I thought I will look foolish, but then I was reading one of their websites: it has these 'how to' guides. Somewhere there it said, dont be scared of looking foolish - keep going. So I went.

Afternoon, Sandeepa called. She wanted to do birthday celebration thing. See, she hadnt been here for my birthday (10/11). It was my big 30. I figured, it was the last of the biggies I wouldnt be heartbroken about, so I was excited. However, when it came to the party and all, she wasnt there. So 'we' had decided that we will celebrate it again later. 'Later' happened today.

We went to TGIF. On a Sunday. Had a Mojito. She had a Oreo milkshake. Had a shrimp thing for starters. Then I had a steak with JD, medium rare and mashed potatoes with cheese. She had a 'wicked chicken'. She gave me a lovely card, a t-shirt that says in front 'cunningly disguised as an adult', which I adored. We sat there and for a long time, talking about work, boys, and life & its ironies. We giggled like girls, at times. We got mad at each other at times, and we let it go. I learnt that from her. I could never do that trick before. Feel the 'mad', and let it go.

Came back at 6. Hemmed my new pants. Talked to Dad. He lost his passport and then found it again. Germany, feels so close. He's on his way. Now I'm home, watching Huckabees.

There was a time I was fascinated by Germany & all thins Deutsch. Cant think where it came from.Perhaps the music, or the thinkers, or perhaps just the perfect men ... most of my ideal men in literature (Rainer, Jo's professor, Luddie in Thornbirds). With time, it mellowed and but it almost came back this time when I was making plans to go and visit Da.



Originally Posted at Prerona.

All Time Top 5 Favourite Songs: Of the Top of My Head

Just a personal favourites list. Not going into relative merits of songs or saying they are 'the best'. Disclaimers, here goes with the list. Though right now, I'm tripping on Just Another Lonely Day in a loop. It just says it all. I couldnt find a version online to put up, though I have it on my comp. If anyone can help, let me know. Do check out the song if you can/havent: Its brilliant for the Blue ;)

Incidentally, if anyone's missing the poem that flashed here a while back and dissapeared - Its been moved here

Here's my list, not necessarily in that order:

1. Going to California - Led Zeppelin

Throw Your Arms Around me

2. Baba O'Reilly - The Who's

3. Throw your arms around me: the PJ version

Throw Your Arms Around me

4. Jealous Guy
Throw Your Arms Around me

5. Just Like a Little Girl

I have more Trivia on these and other favourite songs and bands on Its All Happening

Originally Posted at Prerona.

Crying: Old Song, New Take



This link isnt working for me - so dunno if it will work for you! Just trying ...

For the Gyaan on Embedding Music check out this site

New Take on an Old Song. The original is here


I'm not crying, tonight, because you dont love me
Crying: Old Song, New Take

I'm crying because I miss the Me that I left behind in that fleeting instant,
when I looked into your wet, blue eyes

I'm not crying, tonight, because you dont love me
I'm crying because I just cant be sure, can I?

I'm not crying, tonight, because you dont love me
I'm crying because it seems so silly of me to be so unable to believe it

I'm not crying, tonight, because you dont love me
I'm crying because I have so little time, I just can't afford this

I'm not crying, tonight, because you dont love me
I'm crying because everytime someone else says they like me, it seems like such a waste

I'm not crying, tonight, because you dont love me
I'm crying because, I miss you, though I dont even know you

I'm not crying, tonight, because you dont love me
I'm crying because, at 30, going on 40, it seems just so silly

Dead & Gone

I've tried everything,
But you're still dead.

I've tried everything,
But I still cant bear it without.

It's so irreversible, isnt it?
You feel so helpless, dont you?
With time, I suppose, I'll forget,
The sins I sinned against you,
With time, I know, I'll forgive myself,
I always do.
With time, I guess, even memories will fade
And then I'll be, truely bereft

I've tried everything,
But I still cant find you.

I've tried everything,
But there's nothing I can do, except dream of following you.

Day after day, hours pass by
Marked by tears that dont fall.

I dream of you,
Of things we used to do
Of things that we'll do no more
And think of death and dying and the world.

I talk to myself.
Sometimes, in your voice
I know you well.
I know what you'd have said. you were always kind.

U would have told me to get up and move on
U would have said to forgive me
But just one time, if I could see ur sweet smile
And tell you I'm sorry, for killing you
And tell you I loved you. I just never knew
Till you were dead and gone,
And I'd nothing left but the blood in my palms.
And a smidgen of grey dust on a bright red cloth
And memories of a swaying boat and water below
And blue skies above.

I'm sorry I killed you
I want you back. I miss you.
Why did you save my life?

I didnt deserve it
They didnt deserve it
Now without you
There is no light

I'm sorry I killed you
I want you back. I miss you.
I just wish I could have you back.

Crying: Old Song, New Take



This link isnt working for me - so dunno if it will work for you! Just trying ...

For the Gyaan on Embedding Music check out this site

New Take on an Old Song. The original is here


I'm not crying, tonight, because you dont love me
I'm crying because I miss the Me that I left behind in that fleeting instant,
when I looked into your wet, blue eyes

I'm not crying, tonight, because you dont love me
I'm crying because I just cant be sure, can I?

I'm not crying, tonight, because you dont love me
I'm crying because it seems so silly of me to be so unable to believe it

I'm not crying, tonight, because you dont love me
I'm crying because I have so little time, I just can't afford this

I'm not crying, tonight, because you dont love me
I'm crying because everytime someone else says they like me, it seems like such a waste

I'm not crying, tonight, because you dont love me
I'm crying because, I miss you, though I dont even know you

I'm not crying, tonight, because you dont love me
I'm crying because, at 30, going on 40, it seems just so silly


Originally Posted at Prerona.

Song in my Head

PJ - Shoreline - Throw Your Arms Around me

Hunters & Collectors - original - Throw Your Arms Around me

This was written by Mark Seymore, from the Australian band Hunters and Collectors in the late 1980s
Words and More here on ItsAllHappenings. Which reminds me that I havent seen Almost Famous again in a long while! And shouldnt these last 2 whole posts move there!?!

Incidentally, it really should be Crying, or 2 out of 3, or even 'Now you wanna start something new', but I guess the music archive and retrieval firmware in my head is much more optimistic than I am ...

Incidentally, just look what I found on GooGle (no, pls dont ask me what I was looking for) - LoL - is there an equivalent out there?

There was an advertisment I loved. It had a picture of an F1 driver in his car and below the following text:


"It's impossible" says reason....
"It's reckless" says experience...
"Its painfull" says pride....
"Try!" says dream....

One Aim. Toyota.


I had seen it in a Redears Digest and cut it. I had 'framed it' in some cellop. and used to carry it with my whenever I moved and put it over my desk. Recently, I lost it. If anyone reading this has any clue where I might find this Ad. online, I would be very grateful!

After a long time, I was aimlessly surfing & serendipitously came across these Quotes, that I really liked. The first seems most relevant. A Sign?

Don't hunt down what you can't kill. - Shawn Michaels

"It's painful", says Pride. "It's reckless", says Caution. "It's impossible", says Reason. "Try!" says Dream. The Challenge - To Bring A Dream To Life. - Toyota F1

To combat fear, don't close your eyes. Instead, stare it right in the eyes and watch it fade away... - The UnDEVtaker

Those who are truly brave have nothing to fear - The Rock

In the body of every true man beats the heart of a bull - The RockI have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the skin of their color, but by the content of their character

One nettlesome task is to discover how to organize our strength into compelling power.

There is nothing more dangerous than to build a society, with a large segment of people in that society, who feel that they have no stake in it, who feel that they have nothing to lose. People who have a stake in their society, protect that society, but when they don't have it, they unconsciously want to destroy it.

If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the host of heaven and earth will pause to say, here lived a great street sweeper who did his work well.


Originally Posted at Prerona.

A Box of Rain



Thought of this song many times - through the day, it got me through. Maybe, you just gotto live through the moment, and the next few. A Box of Rain will help you. And another day, another place, another life, , maybe another you, another me. I will be pretty & good, and you can be pretty good. Its a dead-end, but you can get back out the way you came in. Who should know better than me, how it feels. Love cant be switched on and off. Love cant be recalled. Love cant be set-up and gift wrapped and given away. Or put away. Or that Love doesnt conquer all.

Remember Manhatten? The club and relationships paralell? I think I have a rider. I wouldnt want any club, I like enough to want to be a member off, to be messed up by having members like me ...

I dunno. It wont hurt. Or seem scary. Once you accept it. U just a lonely ugly bastard and noone is ever gonna love you. Or atleast, not anyone u could love back.loads of others will love you. In order to keep ur fine sense of guilt well honed ... I hate you AH!

Originally Posted at Prerona.

Raju & Me

This a picture I took yesterday, of an old picture. Thats Raju and me. We're sitting on the steps, in front of the house. It's Holi and we've just finished playing. I use the present, bcz time is frozen in pictures, isnt it? We both looked so alive. Now we're both so dead, in our own ways. Raju, died a couple of years back.


Raju & Me, originally uploaded by prerona.



Some people said it was an overdose, some people said he killed himself. Noone really knows why. We had both seen happy times. We had both been so happy, at times; But all the same, he had been very unhappy, for a long time.

I had been in Texas then. I still remember how I had called home on Sunday and I had been told. He was my landlord's son. We lived in their flat, where Aparna Sen and Mukul Sharma had lived before us. In sin, so to speak.

He used to have a lot of guns. They made noises and lit up. Neeraj, Juls brother, and me, we loved to play with the guns. We usually got the ones he had already broken. We hid behind opposite sofa's: Neeraj & Me on one side and Raju & Juls on the other side, and we shot at each other. He had rabbits and they ate the carpet. He had dogs, he was wonderful with dogs.

He used to call me Bonu - which is like little sister, in Bengali. We drifted apart as we grew and moved to different cities. We grew up, grew lives, personalities and ego's.

When I was a kid, I used to go to every flat in the building and say, I am hungry, noone's fed me at home, pls give me something to eat. I was the most notorious hog in the neighborhood. I was nicked Motu by most people. And Fatts at school. Or Golu. Now I've lost my baby fat; and I worry about wrinkles. And Raju's dead.

I heard he recorded a cassette for Juls when she Faisal got married. Fallal ... but thats another story.

He gave me a Queen album for my bday once. Day at the Races, I think. Then he started listening to pop and rap and I think I was a little condescending about it. I was quiet a snob, musically, back then.

He used to tell us tales of how they went to the beach and got stoned in college. I used to listen fascinated. Waiting for my turn to come, for grown up magic. Dark, Strong, Intoxicating, Forbidden, Hidden.

They say that their are 2 types of people in the world: children from dirty childhoods, and the rest of the world. 'And the twain shall never meet'. Amongst them, I believe, within the former, there are 2 categories. Those who are bitter, and those who take it in their stride: raping fathers, promiscous mothers, sometimes abusive, sometimes wonderful, whimsical, capricious grown ups, who are their own people, and who have a life, and see no reason they should reign it in, just bcz they now have children. No, he wasnt bitter; He was probably just tired.



Originally Posted at Prerona.

Raju & Me

This a picture, of an old picture. I took it yesterday. Thats Raju, and Me. We're sitting on the steps, in front of the house. It's Holi and we've just finished playing. I use the present, bcz time is frozen in pictures, isnt it? We both looked so alive. Now we're neither of us that alive anymore, in our own ways. Raju, died a couple of years back.


Raju & Me
Originally uploaded by prerona.



Some people said it was an overdose, some people said he killed himself. Noone really knows why. He had both been happy, at times; We had had some very happy times. But all the same, he had been very unhappy, for a while.

I had been in Texas then. I remember, I had called home one Sunday, and been told about his death. He was my landlord's son. We lived in their flat, where Aparna Sen and Mukul Sharma had lived before us. In sin, so to speak.

When I was 1. Thats when we met. My mother got me over from Ma's place, in a pram. Raju was playing on the street and saw me. He loved me. The mom's got talking. They had a flat empty. Mom & Dad were looking for a place. Ofcourse, I didnt move there till I was 10, but thats another story too.

He used to have a lot of guns. They made noises and lit up. Neeraj, Juls brother, and me, we loved to play with the guns. We usually got the ones he had already broken. We hid behind opposite sofa's: Neeraj & Me on one side and Raju & Juls on the other side, and we shot at each other. He had rabbits. They ate holes in the carpet. He also had dogs. He was wonderful. Specially, with animals.

He played tennis. He went to DBPC. He played the piano, but he learnt at the
Royal Calcutta School of Music, unlike us, we learnt at school. He'd come down some afternoons in a white t-shirt with a big red stripe in front and grey shorts. He's tell us ghost stories, tune my piano, listen to Barbie's non stop chatter and look at her Barbie dolls. I'd think about what a sissy she was and wonder why he wasted time on her. She was just a kid. Those were the days before when we found our 'sisterly bond'. I hated her and chased her out of 'my room' whenever I could. She scribbled on my books and (secretly) hoped I'd sit on a pin and die. She wore Pink Frocks, with frills (and had a little cloth 'purse' she hung across one shoulder). She had springy curls and Barbie Dolls and probably listened to Madonna. I lived in shorts and scruffy sneakers, beat up people whenever I could, wore my hair military short, listened to metallica and read; everything; Alone in my room, locked up. Even when there was noone at home I'd lock the door. She was stranded in the sitting room most afternoons. At that time, it didnt strike me with remorse. Now remorse is more matter-of-factly easy to take, it doesnt bother me that much. Besides, I love her now. Back then, I sincerely despiced her. And she sincerely hated me. And we were still young & brave enough to be 'pretty cool' with it.

Sometimes, late at night, you could hear him playing on the Piano. I think both the Pianos were at the same places in our respective flats, roughly. Or, he would sit on his balcony and play the mouth-organ. I could hear it from my window, just below his. Both our rooms were in the far corner of the apartment. Mine was small, narrow, dark and very exciting. It even opened onto a haunted (he claimed), deserted police-barracks. He taught us to do the Planchett thing there. And throw up matchsticks (with the base dipped in toothpaste) so that they stuck to the the ceiling still burning. And he taught me how to climb over the Garage walls and up the old truck fender, and up to the roof, from outside. I taught Neeraj. Juls and Barbie werent interested, I think.

He used to call me Bonu - which is like little sister, in Bengali. We drifted apart as we grew and moved to different cities. We grew up, grew lives, personalities and ego's. When I was a kid, I used to go to every flat in the building and say, I am hungry, noone's fed me at home, pls give me something to eat. I was the most notorious hog in the neighborhood. I was nicked Motu by most people. And Fatts at school. Or Golu. Now I've lost my baby fat; and I worry about wrinkles. And Raju's dead.

I heard he recorded a cassette for Juls when she Faisal got married. Fallal ... but thats another story. He gave me a Queen album for my birthday once. Day at the Races, I think. Then he started listening to pop and rap and I think I was a little condescending about it. I was quiet a snob, musically, back then.

He used to tell us tales of how they went to the beach and got stoned in college. I used to listen fascinated. Waiting for my turn to come, for grown up magic. Dark, Strong, Intoxicating, Forbidden, Hidden.

They say that their are 2 types of people in the world: children with a healthy childhood, and the rest of the world. 'And the twain shall never meet'. Amongst them, I believe, there are 2 categories. Those who are bitter, and those who take it in their stride: raping fathers, promiscous mothers, sometimes abusive, sometimes wonderful, whimsical, capricious grown ups, who are their own people, and who have a life, and see no reason they should reign it in, just bcz they now have children. No, he wasnt bitter; He was probably just tired.



Originally Posted at Prerona.

The Haunting

Like the moon calls the ocean, when everyone's asleep
Like the night calls the day; silently
Like the love calls the young
Like death calls the weary

You called me
I'm sure you called
And I couldnt turn away
Woe is me

And now I'm here
Past the crossroads
My bridges flaming behind me
Dont turn me away, sweet; Dont turn me away?

I was sure I heard ur voice
But now you smile and turn away
And shrug and look perplxed, harrassed, in a polite way
Embarressed, I turn around. And walk back into the flames.

Like a Shadow behind me
Flickering, never going out
The ghost, of the memories, of the love
That I had imagined with you, trailing behind me

My First Caelidh

A belated Burns Night. Haegis and mad dancing. Great fun. I loved it! Listening to 6 Feet from the Edge.

Saturday comes & goes in a flash! The week flies by. The there's an awning pause over Friday night. Then Saturday comes and the morning is great fun. Before you know it, its Saturday night, and weighing down on you is the feeling that tomorrow is Sunday and it will be even more fleeting than today was.

It was a nice weekend. Watched About Schmidtt, Being John Malkovich & Bad Education. The last was splendid. I hardly recognised the boy, but as a girl he looked smashing! Took pictures around the house. Put them up on Flickr.

About the dissapearing posts, they dissapear bcz I dont really like them that much? :)

Originally Posted at Prerona.

My First Caelidh

A belated Burns Night. Haegis and mad dancing. Great fun. I loved it! Listening to 6 Feet from the Edge.

Saturday comes & goes in a flash! The week flies by. The there's an awning pause over Friday night. Then Saturday comes and the morning is great fun. Before you know it, its Saturday night, and weighing down on you is the feeling that tomorrow is Sunday and it will be even more fleeting than today was.

It was a nice weekend. Watched About Schmidtt, Being John Malkovich & Bad Education. The last was splendid. I hardly recognised the boy, but as a girl he looked smashing! Took pictures around the house. Put them up on Flickr.

About the dissapearing posts, they dissapear bcz I dont really like them that much? :)

Originally Posted at Prerona.

With Grace

When I get back from my run in the morning, F.R.I.E.N.D.S is just starting. I do love F.R.I.E.N.D.S, or atleast, I do when they show Chandler and Joey in the early years, or some other of the early years. and I love Just Shoot me which comes up next ... but what I'm really waiting for, and what makes my day, is Will and Grace. And today's was so sweet. Its all about how Grace gets pally with Jack, bcz Will moves out for 3 months, and Will comes back and gets all insecure. It was really cute :)

About the dissapearing posts, they dissapear bcz I dont really like them? :)

Originally Posted at Prerona.

Tag: The Perfect Man

Was tagged by Parna, Aparna & Sanity Starved.

The rules:

1. The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points of their perfect lover.
2. You have to mention the sex of the target.
3. Tag 8 victims to join this game & leave a comment on their comments saying they've been tagged.
4. If tagged the 2nd time, there's no need to post again.


Sex of the target : Male.

Of the top of my head I would have said:

1. He's a good man. I admire him. I look up to him

2. He's really intelligent. He's capable. He's damn good at work. He makes me so proud of him

3. He's responsible. He'd always take care of me

4. He's wise, he's mature, he has a certain air of weltschmersch. Sometimes, when he sits and does nothing, staring into the distance, I can see it in his eyes

5. He has streak cruel. He's strong. He's sure of himself. He knows just where he stands. He's not insecure. He can be arrogant. He can break my heart, casually. When he's playing, I can read it in his smile

6. He's got a smile that lights up the bleakest soul. Grouch! He rarely smiles!

7. He's brave, even recklessness. Sometimes, he's scared of me, I can tell.

8. Sometimes, there's a tenderness in his smile, which makes my heart want to melt to a puddle on the floor. He really loves me, and it shows :)

Victims:

7 Sins
Sad Old Bong
JDV
Malignant Humour
Megha
Waxing Pathetic
Coffee&Crackers
Olivia

but its not really that. It really set me thinking. I have been trying to complete this list for the past few days and been drawing blank. i've been thinking, there are some things which we think we want, and there are the things which we actually want. there was a quote that went something like the secret of happiness is knowing the difference between what we wish for and what we want. but as i kept thinking about it, it morphed into another idea in my head. we are all, as human beings, attracted to two kinds of people: one, people like us and two: people who are different.

for the former we feel the bonding of shared understanding, co-misseration, shared failings. also, the irritation of having two accept the same faults twice over, repeated lessons in case of a phase lag, the embarresment of a mirror in ur face.

for the latter, we feel the fascination of the unknown, the un-understandable, the desirable. also, the fustration of not undrstanding where they are coming from. the irritation of having needs and timings out of synch.

the only really happy couples in the world are the ones who, consciously or unconsciously, have made the choice between, or have had it made for them by life, or chance, and have accepted it and lived by it. forevermore.

DISCLAIMER - This post is liable to go under for editing, or even dissapear, as i wrote it when i was tired and i half dunno what i'm saying :)

Ummm, no connection, really, but this is the snap I was looking at while writing this: snap - dont he just break ur heart! lol

Originally Posted at Prerona.

The Thaw

Like a great sheet of ice cracking
Sounds the breaking heart
It starts of as a sneaking murmer
Then grows to an over powering rumble
Noone had said the thaw would hurt so much
Noone had said the spring would take so much
Noone had said that the season would take so little
Noone had said, that the spring, will take so much out of the tree, to make the flower

Noone had said the flowers will wither, wasted fall to the ground

Noone had said the flower would be so beautiful. heart breakingly, aching, wastedly, beautiful

The Thaw

Like a great sheet of ice cracking
Sounds the breaking heart

It starts of as a sneaking murmer
Then grows to an over powering rumble

Noone had said the thaw would hurt so much
Noone had said the spring would take so much
Noone had said that the season would take so little
Noone had said, that the spring'll take so much out of the tree, to make the flower
Noone had said the flowers will wither, wasted fall to the ground
Noone had said the flower would be so beautiful.

heart breakingly, aching, wastedly, beautiful

Originally Posted at Prerona.

Misty Blue: New take, Old Song

Misty Blue: New take, Old Song

He doesnt love me.
And I do.
So, my whole world's
turned misty blue.

So many years,
lived and lost.
Somehow thought this love,
would change that all.

So I let myself fall,
I let my heart call.
But the echo just bounced off the wall
and faded in the silent hall.

He didnt want to hear.
Though he was looking too.
So my whole world,
turned a misty blue.

Now as I turn away,
my footsteps sway,
let it go, I can hear you say.
Walk away, from where the stillborn dreams lay.

theres only so many times
i could have laid my heart on the table

there were only so many times
i could have walked him by

there were only so many chances
i could have given him, to show his hand

there was only so far i could have walked
then i had to come back to, the misty blue

It was never meant to be
I hear you, and I know its probably true
But just now, I just let it rain
As my whole world turns, misty blue.


The original:

Oh, it's been such a long, long time,
Looks like I get you off my mind,
Oh, but I can't,
Just the thought of you,
Turns my whole world,
A misty blue.

Just the mention of your name,
Turns the flicker to a flame,
I think of things we used to do,
Then my whole world,
Turns misty blue.

I should forget you,
Heaven knows I tried,
But, when I say,
"I'm glad we're through."
My heart knows I've lied."

Dawn's Call

its still dark
just before the crack of dawn
i cant put it off anymore
now i have to go
into the cold
into the storms
into the cold dark strong winds
amongst the giants
and the beautiful strangers
i've already snoozed once on the call
cant break the mornings heart
got to get up
got to go
got to be on the run
talking to the winds and giants
loving them even as u fall
the princess returns
to frozen towers of ice and glass
glittering, shining, bright lights
and big and tall and happy people
the war wages on
and you must return
to take your place
in lifes race
no more running
no more hiding
for a while
just a little while
keep on holding on
lies eyes
and tender smiles
or just holding back
tight reins
on the run
no more time for peaceful slumber
no more time the blanket of unknowing
no more quiet silent retreat
under the blankets
warm
dark
silent
gotto get up and go
gotto meet the dawn

To whom it may concern

I loved this one - Thank you F.B. - one more great intro!

This says a lot

"Oh, I didn't mean to yell
But sometimes I get beside myself
And oh, I didn't mean to rush you
But time keeps pushing so much"

I hate weekends - "friday night crying - sunday on my knees"

Originally Posted at Prerona.

Silverknowles, at Daybreak

The waves broke on the rocks. More stroked, than broke, actually. There was a rush of a whisper, a murmer, as they came together. The colours melted together, in the birthing light. the lights smudged together, in the infant morning. there was not a sound, a soul, or intrusion: of the world, of reality, of life. It was one of those rare chances, slips in the fabric of time, where you can slip out and wander along the beach; at the start of the sea, at the land's end; and put a little shy foot in, testing the waters, beyond the limits of the world. Had the earth been flat, perhaps, this would have been the edge




DSC01964, originally uploaded by prerona.



the picture didnt really come out, technically speaking, but it was a beautiful moment. it wasnt light yet. armies of gulls, noisy, rowdy, boisterous. the sea and the beach and the sky, all deserted. alone on the rocks and the sand. exquisite ...

New snaps on Flickr. Look for the tag FEB!



Originally Posted at Prerona.

Jhulsata jheth mas, sharad chandni udaas

Had this line in my head all of yesterday. Funny: I just couldnt figure out the significance, in keeping with my theory that the songs that pop up in ur head, do so for a reason.

It was only this morning, as soon as I woke and sat up in bed that it hit me on the head ... wham! Siski bhar savan ka antarghat beet gaya, Ek baras beet gaya, ek baras beet gaya! My sub-consciounce is an ironic genius and super btch.

As soon as I made that connection, the other line of the week was explained too. From fiends are friends forever, 'means a chapter in our lives are through'.

Thats scary! Why these? Why not simply Sleeping on the Sidewalk or even Tere duniya se, or 'I could live like this forever' or 'If only my boss didnt hate my guts'.

Well, nevermind ;)

Originally Posted at Prerona.

falling

fell down
feeling down
'i could write the saddest poem tonight' types
these days - sometimes
when i get down i feel like talking
but theres noone i know who could bear to talk to
beyond the mundane
but i'll tell u this much
feels like a broken heart
its quiet an inetesrting feeling
as i sit and watch
knowing it will pass
and be replaced by numb calm

Originally Posted at Prerona.